Does your "perfect" partner think it's best to break up as good friends? Even if you may be convinced that there is no better person than him, there are some ways to be able to move on. The process of falling out of love is different for each individual, as is the process of falling in love. However, in this article, you will find some healthy ways to sever the emotional bonds of the past.
Steps
Part 1 of 4: Accepting the fact of being hurt
Step 1. Allow yourself to be sad for some time
Falling out of love means processing the pain resulting from the end of a relationship. Therefore, it is normal to feel the lack of it in a poignant way. If you try to behave normally or pretend to be okay, you will have a great emotional struggle inside. The healthy way to start falling out of love is to just allow yourself to be sad for a while. Give yourself time to process your suffering.
If you can, take a few days off from work and do whatever it takes to bring you some peace (as long as it's not harmful). Watch sad movies, sleep or eat ice cream. If the situation becomes unbearable, remember that it will eventually pass
Step 2. Reflect on your relationship
To forget about your relationship properly, you need to recognize that there were both positive and negative aspects of being in love with the other person (since nothing is perfect). Therefore, appreciate the more beautiful sides, but also remember the less pleasant sides. You have to think about the new opportunities that you will now face.
- It is likely that on the wave of pain you will begin to fantasize about the other person and forget about his or her flaws and weaknesses. However, it is important to keep both aspects in mind.
- Try to be grateful for the way the other person reciprocated the love you felt for them and helped you grow personally. However, if there have been times when your personal growth has been hindered or if this story has turned you into someone you don't appreciate, acknowledge these shortcomings. It is from such lessons that you can learn to grow.
Step 3. Be alone for some time
Don't be in a hurry to start another relationship and don't continually get distracted with friends or other activities. You need to process and deal with the pain you feel if you want to be able to fall out of love in a healthy way. Balance your thoughts well between what you want and what you need, and then work towards achieving these goals by seeking emotional support and the company of friends and family.
Of course, if you feel the need to talk to someone, it's okay if you spend a few moments with close friends. Find an understanding person who allows you to give vent to whatever you think about your story, but who also knows how to tell you the truth about what he sees from the outside. If you're open to advice, advice from a trusted friend can help you reconsider everything you've lost and think about your future. Don't waste too much time dwelling on the breakup, what went wrong, or what your ex deigned to do. Instead, focus on yourself and how you might move on
Step 4. Express what you are feeling
In order to recover, it is important to express your feelings. You don't necessarily have to share them with a person unless you want to, but know that letting off steam will help you a lot.
- You can keep a journal, write short stories, compose small poems, draw or paint, write or learn to play a song, dedicate yourself to "spoken word" and so on. An effort of creativity will allow you to throw out your pain, but at the same time to draw something positive from your experience.
- If you are uninspired or have no artistic spirit, try visiting a museum, going to the theater or attending a concert. Sometimes by seeing or hearing how an artist has interpreted the disappointment of love, you can understand to what extent a universal experience binds you to the rest of humanity and makes life worth living, however painful it may be. After all, if you've never experienced separation, it means you've never truly loved.
Part 2 of 4: Starting Over
Step 1. Keep the most important things
When trying to move on and get back to your normal life, what you absolutely must avoid is overreacting by getting rid of everything that reminds you of the other person. Keep something that reminds you of the best moments you had with your ex, perhaps a shell you found on the beach or a photograph taken with a New Year's party, so you will maintain a healthy and positive perception of this relationship.
- While it's not a bad idea to keep some memories, you're not necessarily ready to see them right now. Collect them all and keep them in one place that is not easily accessible. You will be able to take them back when your emotional wounds have healed.
- Memories may also include electronic documents, which you can save and keep in a folder on your computer.
Step 2. Get rid of everything else
Once you have chosen what you want to keep, you should discard everything else. To really forget someone, you will have to try to eliminate from your sight everything that reminds you of the other person in everyday life.
If you have a lot of stuff that belongs to her, return it. Remove tags from photos taken together and posted on Facebook, delete images that remind you of them from your profile and, in general, get rid of all digital memories (such as, for example, saved voice messages). If you keep storing them, it will only prolong your pain and will have a harder time recovering
Step 3. Don't control the other person
To forget someone, it is important to cut all ties, at least until you get to weave a secure bond that allows you to establish a relationship of friendship (as long as it is wanted by both parties). In addition to being an emotional state, love causes chemical changes in the brain similar to drug addiction, so every time you see your ex or remember him, you will satisfy this desire just enough to strengthen your addiction.
- Don't go out together for coffee, don't call, don't text, don't ask friends what she's up to. Stop thinking about the other person and start taking care of yourself. Experts recommend respecting a break of at least 30-90 days without contacting the other person.
- Do not follow the ex on social media and delete him from your contacts. It is not at all healthy to keep an eye on him all the time, whether you do it on purpose or not, because you will have a harder time falling out of love. You need to break up on social networks (at least for now), so you can think about other more important things, like taking care of yourself.
Step 4. Avoid mutual friends for a while
If you hang out with friendships you have in common while trying to sever all ties, it will be harder for you to break away emotionally.
- Explain to them that you need a break and that you need to get away for a while until you feel more peaceful. True friends will understand this.
- Among the mutual friendships, also consider the ones you share on Facebook, especially if there are people used to posting lots of photos of your ex. Seeing or following everything you remember even minimally about your story, you risk prolonging the pain processing process. If you can't cut relationships with mutual friends on Facebook, just temporarily delete them from contacts you follow or step away from social media until you've given your wounds time to heal.
Step 5. Take some time before establishing a friendship with the ex
If it was a good story and it didn't end in a confrontational way, or if you have remained on excellent terms, it wouldn't be a bad idea to wait a while to be friends. If you go back to dating as soon as the relationship is over, it will be much harder to get the other person out of your heart.
- When two people end a rather intense relationship, it may take several years before they are able to establish a friendship. You may find that in order for you to feel comfortable as a friend, you will have to wait until both of you are in love and engaged to other people again.
- It is impossible for other separated couples to become friends, especially if the breakup was not wanted by both sides.
Part 3 of 4: Focus on Yourself
Step 1. Observe yourself
You will be able to get a much clearer picture of yourself without this relationship influencing your judgment. Analyze your strengths and weaknesses. Also try to reconsider your priorities and goals to follow. Probably, when you thought you were going to spend your whole life with that person, you thought you wanted certain things, but now you may want something different.
- Friendships are an excellent resource in these cases. You may realize that during your last relationship you were in danger of losing friendships you really care about. This is the right time to recover relationships.
- Think about who you were before you met your ex and regain your independence. Maybe the other person wasn't as passionate about theater as you are; maybe she liked long hair, while you prefer it short. Perhaps during your story you have overshadowed passions, friends or sides of your personality, and now that you are single again you have the possibility to choose which aspects of the past you want to safeguard.
Step 2. Be independent
Generally, when we are in love, we create a bond of dependence with the other person, but if we want to be happy and have more luck in future relationships, we must be able to be alone. If you are more independent, you are also more confident and have the strength and ability to do anything on your own. Now, take care of yourself. Consider yourself a free person. Do what you always wanted to do, but never had the time for.
Try going out alone, perhaps for dinner or to see a movie at the cinema. It's even better if you pick your favorite dishes or watch a movie you want so badly that your ex would hate
Step 3. Dedicate yourself to something new
Not only will you be happy because you will have the opportunity to go out and have fun doing things you have never tried before, but you will also be able to forget your old relationship and learn to be happy by counting on your own strength. You can try a new hobby, volunteer, or learn a new skill. Alternatively, try learning something new on the internet. You never know what other idea might titillate your curiosity!
- Travel as often as possible. Traveling is a surefire way to have all kinds of experiences and mature other memories. If you start having new adventures, you will be able to forget the past problems more easily (or at least to distance them more and more from your thoughts).
- Remember that traveling doesn't necessarily mean getting on the first plane to Paris - you can also take a tour while staying nearby! The important thing is to go out and go elsewhere to experience what has never happened to you before.
Part 4 of 4: Turn the Page
Step 1. Accept that it wasn't meant to be
In order to move on, you need to get over it. You have to understand that if the other person couldn't love you or if the relationship didn't make you happy, the situation would not improve and you would eventually be dissatisfied. You deserve a relationship in which the partner reciprocates your love until your heart is filled with it and in which you can both feel fulfilled like no one else.
Be grateful for everything positive you have gained from your relationship, including the opportunity to get to know your feelings better and understand what you are looking for in a partner. Only when you can say thank you for loving this person will you truly heal your pain, because you will realize that it served a purpose
Step 2. Meet new people
If you're not happy being single, you need to hang out with people so you can find a suitable partner for you. Time will probably pass, so don't rush. Don't force the stops: just go out when you feel like it and don't do anything that might make you uncomfortable.
You can meet new people by hanging out in bars and clubs, joining an ecclesiastical or civic group where people share your interests, or volunteering. Also, when you are at work, at school, or in the places you usually hang out with, keep your eyes peeled for people you have neglected in the past. Be friendly and open to people you don't know
Step 3. Go out with someone
Falling in love, or at least being aware that there are other people you can fall in love with, is an important process in learning to leave a past relationship behind. You don't have to take your dates too seriously - actually, it would be better if you were dating someone without too much effort. Many people need a buffer period between one relationship and another. In these cases, if you are unable to make a serious commitment, it is best not to break another person's heart.
You will realize that you are ready to date when you can say that you really love and respect yourself. In truth, we catalyze the attention of those who treat us as we usually treat ourselves. If you are victimized and filled with insecurities, it will be impossible to attract a kind of person who loves you for who you are
Step 4. Realize that you don't have to force yourself to fall out of love
While it can be very painful not to be in a romantic relationship anymore, it doesn't necessarily mean that you have to fall out of love. If it was true love, you probably won't be able to undo it. However, you can leave it in the past and go back to living your life fully without being affected by its memory, in the hope of finding a new story to live.
- Don't allow hatred and other destructive feelings to invade your heart. To move on, it won't do you any good to hate the person you loved. If he has hurt or hurt you, you have every reason to be angry. However, you should also learn to forgive, not to do the other person a favor, but for your own good. If you let hate enter your heart, it will corrupt you by ruining the will to live, as well as negatively affect your future love relationships.
- Don't look for the flaws and mistakes your ex made. Avoid listing everything that was wrong with him and do nothing that makes you hate him. Don't make yourself think you're better. This kind of thinking produces only negative emotions and does not predispose you to benefit from the most beautiful experiences.
Step 5. Fall in love again
Returning to love is the last stage to declare oneself truly healed. A new love renews your trust and shows you how awesome this feeling is. The most important thing is to find someone who will love you more than your ex ever could. This is what you deserve!
- When you eventually meet someone who accepts you and loves you for who you are, don't let the thought of falling in love with another person torment you. By finding a new love, you do not betray or belittle what you have felt in the past. Even storybooks contain more than one story and our heart is a book that has many pages.
- That said, if the flame of love doesn't rekindle for a long time, it doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. Sometimes the heart takes longer to heal its wounds. Just focus on your happiness.
