Do you find it difficult to fall in love? A fundamental rule for finding love is to be vulnerable and, therefore, to try to let your guard down. If you're not dating anyone, get involved and try to meet new people. When you start dating someone, keep a positive mental attitude and enjoy the moments that are created to deepen your knowledge. Remember that love cannot be rushed, so be patient, avoid forcing things, and let the relationship develop naturally.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Lower the Guard
Step 1. Identify your defense mechanisms
Ask yourself if you have ever built walls to avoid suffering. Opening up to someone can be risky and it's normal to be afraid of someone getting close. To fall in love, you need to be vulnerable and, therefore, knowing your defenses is the first step to lowering them.
- If you have been in relationships in the past, think about times when you have avoided becoming too intimate with the other person. For example, you may never have told her how much you liked her for fear she would not reciprocate.
- It is difficult to identify one's defense mechanisms, especially since they are generally linked to past suffering. Try to be honest with yourself and remember that everyone has their own fears and insecurities.
Step 2. Accept what you cannot change about your personality
Remember that no one is perfect, so accept yourself for who you are. This way, you can open up to the idea of having a partner and fall in love with him.
- That said, there is always room for improvement. Of course, you can't get taller or shorter, but you can eat healthily and exercise to get fit.
- Remember that you are exceptional and full of wonderful qualities! Look in the mirror and think, "You are a beautiful person. Don't be afraid to be yourself! Let your guard down and fall in love."
Step 3. Frame overly critical thoughts in more positive terms
Each of us has his own inner voice which, at times, presses him with irrational and unrealistic judgments about him. For example, if you think, "You are good for nothing" or "Nobody will love you", stop this flow of thought and remember to remain objective.
Advise:
Whenever a negative thought obsessively brushes your mind, rephrase it more positively. Instead of saying, "You don't get it right," think, "Nobody is perfect, but try your best. You can make a mistake, it's normal."
Step 4. Resist the urge to play with the other person
In today's world of love affairs, it is a common strategy to pretend disinterest or hide true feelings. However, it's best to be honest. While you don't have to confide every little detail from the first date, try to be authentic instead of playing.
- For example, if you had a nice evening with someone, tell them. Do not hesitate to write to him: "Thanks for the nice outing! I had a blast." Don't wait three days to call and don't pretend indifference to get chased.
- It is important to open up in order to build a more intimate relationship. You don't have to confess how you feel about the other person right away, but neither of you will fall in love if you're not being honest with each other.
Step 5. Don't be afraid of rejection
It is disheartening to love someone who does not reciprocate the same feeling, but it is an experience that everyone has in life. You will be able to overcome this pain, even if at the moment it seems impossible to you. However, if you don't take this risk, you may miss out on all the wonderful things love has in store for you.
If you expose yourself and receive rejection, don't consider it the end of the world. Love stories close for various reasons. If you are incompatible with someone, it does not mean that there is something wrong with you
Part 2 of 3: Meeting New People
Step 1. Get involved instead of relying on fate
If you're not dating anyone yet, try chatting with someone you don't know. Hook up with the person who, like you, is in the supermarket checkout line, greets someone at the bar or has lunch with a new colleague or classmate.
- Sometimes, it takes effort to find love. Don't wait in the hope of meeting your soul mate. Go out, meet people, and get a better idea of what you are looking for in a partner.
- Even if you're not interested in dating a particular person, chatting with them can make you feel more comfortable around people.
Examples of Phrases to Start a Conversation
"In this bar they make the best coffee in town, don't you think?"
"Hi, I just noticed your book. Hemingway is my favorite author!"
"What do you think of this weather? I don't know about you, but I'd be ready for spring."
"Is it my impression or were yesterday's homework endless? What do you think?"
Step 2. Have a hobby or join a club
A new pastime will allow you to make new acquaintances and get out of your comfort zone. Go for an activity related to your interests. This way, you will have something in common with the people you meet.
For example, if you enjoy reading, join a book club. You could take a cooking, yoga or rock climbing class, or join a soccer or volleyball team. If you study, join a group of students. If you have a little dog, take him to the park to meet other dog lovers
Step 3. Try dating sites
Open an account and describe yourself in a concise but compelling way. Mention part of your interests, without going too far. As for the images to upload, make sure they are clear, look straight into the camera and put on a dazzling smile.
- Don't rush and trust your instincts when virtually meeting someone. Chat using the app or website, then consider exchanging phone numbers when you feel comfortable. Chat on the phone before inviting them out, and when you make an appointment, choose a public place.
- Keep in mind that online dating is designed for adults. If you are under the age of 18, expand your network of acquaintances at school through friends or through extracurricular activities.
Step 4. Reflect on the qualities your partner should have
When you go out and meet new people, you won't get a strong, unmistakable signal as soon as you find your soul mate. Intuition plays an important role, but you should still get a pretty clear idea of the characteristics you look for in a partner.
- For example, trustworthiness, honesty, and a sense of humor are probably top of your priorities. If you have goals, like becoming a parent or traveling the world, find someone to share them with.
- While physical attraction is key to sparking the spark, avoid giving it the utmost importance. It's best to find someone who knows how to appreciate you and accept you as you are.
Step 5. Avoid making hasty judgments
If you've met someone on the Internet or while taking a class, try to keep an open mind. It is good that you have a clear idea of the characteristics you want in a partner, but avoid making hasty judgments and do not be discouraged by the thought that it is not suitable for you.
- Don't even think you're not suitable for the other person. See the situation in a balanced way and don't belittle yourself.
- Stay open to other possibilities. You may find that you feel attracted to those you least expect.
Part 3 of 3: Building a Lasting Relationship
Step 1. Let the relationship develop naturally instead of forcing things
Do your best not to give in to the need to control the relationship. When love is involved, you don't always have the reins in hand, so be patient. You can't decide to fall in love with someone or force someone to fall in love with you.
- If the lack of control makes you nervous, take a few deep breaths and think, "Don't worry and don't take things too seriously. You enjoy this person's company, and that's all that matters for now. If it doesn't turn out to be the right one., you'll get a reason! ".
- Over time, you may come across several individuals who on paper match your ideal partner, but with whom there is no actual affinity. You can't force yourself to have a feeling. If you are dating someone and are feeling involved, consider this experience as a learning opportunity. Eventually, you will find the right person.
Step 2. Maintain a positive and inquisitive attitude
When dating someone, think about enjoying the moments you spend with them. Have fun as you deepen his knowledge, try new experiences together and propose what you like to do. Avoid putting too much pressure on both yourself and the person you're dating.
- For example, when you go on first dates, ask him questions and show interest in his answers. If the spark strikes, you will be genuinely eager to learn about his hobbies or childhood.
- Always be positive and curious even when the initial falling in love phase is over. We don't decide to fall in love, but we can decide to stay. So, keep having fun, learning more and sharing new experiences.
Step 3. Communicate openly
Communication is essential both in a newly born relationship and in a marriage that has lasted for years. Pay attention to the quality of the conversations with your partner. Therefore, share your respective fears and hopes, tell each other funny anecdotes, and always make sure your relationship is going well.
To strike up a profitable conversation, find the right time to talk without distractions, for example during dinner or immediately after. Opt for open-ended questions, such as: "What was the most interesting moment of your day?" instead of asking questions that you just need to answer with a yes or a no
Step 4. Discuss couple plans and plans
Talk about the direction you want to take in this relationship and your hopes for the future. As the relationship matures, address more specific issues, such as marriage, childbirth, and buying a home.
- Love grows when each meets the needs of the other. By talking about your respective goals and helping each other achieve them, you will be able to further strengthen your bond.
- Also, you should both be on the same page when it comes to life plans. For example, if you're ready to start a family, don't get attached to someone who doesn't share your desire to have children.
Advise:
The right time to consider the issue of cohabitation and marriage depends on where the relationship is. Try to address these topics without putting too much pressure. You may ask. "Are you hoping to have a child someday?" or "When do you think a couple is ready to live together?".
Step 5. Open up to new experiences to keep the relationship alive
It's great to be comfortable with the person you love, but don't get stuck in the usual routine. Try new things and visit new places to solidify your bond. If you think the relationship needs an extra boost, talk to your partner to see how you can spice it up.
- Go out together regularly and don't just do the same things over and over. Go to an unfamiliar restaurant, try a new type of cuisine or visit an area of the city that has never been seen before.
- Accept an exciting challenge or learn a new skill together. You could go skydiving, hiking or rock climbing, or even take a cooking class.
Step 6. Support each other in your passions
Encourage yourself to follow the interests you cultivate outside the couple. Devote yourselves to your respective passions, but cheer for each other.
- For example, let's say your partner loves running long distances. You can have fun sharing many other activities together, but training remains "his thing". So, give him the space to practice this sport, but encourage him during the competitions by saying: "I am very proud that you broke your record this week!".
- As the relationship matures, it is normal for both partners to feel like they are losing a part of themselves. Setting goals both on your own and as a couple can help keep the love alive in your relationship.
Step 7. Be kind to each other
A small affectionate gesture allows you to show how much you love those around you. For example, leave him a note that says "I love you, have a nice day!" before going to work or washing the dishes after she has prepared dinner. Kind gestures can actually fuel the feeling of being loved.
If you think the flame of love is dying, a few nice gestures can help. Take the initiative and leave loving dedications, go home with a small gift, or do something your partner can't stand. As soon as he sees your efforts to mend the relationship, he will follow your lead
Step 8. Find a healthy way to manage tensions
Deal with problems and unacceptable behaviors calmly and constructively instead of attacking on a personal level. It is inevitable that disagreements arise within a couple. If you handle them properly, love will never fail.
- For example, say, "I feel like it's my turn to do most of the housework. Could you help me out?" It is a constructive way of approaching the issue. On the other hand, if you say, "You're lazy. I'm bored", it's a personal attack.
- When it comes to finding a solution, avoid holding a grudge, digging up the past, instinctively threatening to end the relationship, or making sarcastic comments.
- If you need to calm down, avoid walking away and ignoring yourself for days. Instead, say, "I think it would be better if we took some time to let off some steam. Let's get back to it when we have calmed down."
Advice
- Don't fall in love with someone just because they're attractive, available, or spend a ton of money to make you happy. True love is based on mutual respect, trust and understanding.
- Occasional meetings can help you understand what you accept and what you do not tolerate. If you're just dating someone, don't take things too seriously and don't expect to find a soul mate right away.
- Love is scary! To open up and get naked for each other takes time, so be patient.
- If you have suffered in the past, remember that it was not the other person who hurt you. Do your best to put old relationships behind you and live in the present with those around you.
- If you can't let your guard down and fall in love, try consulting a therapist. It will help you identify and set aside your defenses.
