Have you ever had a long and deep friendship with someone? Surely. Suddenly, however, you find yourself in love with it. It happens quite often, so don't think you're the only one. Among other things, the situation can be much more painful and difficult than the usual "unrequited love", due to the long-term relationship and the past in common. This endangers both friendship and the hope of seeing love triumph, with the risk of both of you suffering.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Taking the Distances
Step 1. Stay away from your best friend for a while
Do it with grace and respect. You don't have to completely give up on the beautiful relationship you have built, but pay attention to your feelings. Avoid seeing it every day.
- There are several ways to establish safe and respectful boundaries with the other person. If you meet her, be friendly, but don't give her your full attention. Protect yourself without putting it aside.
- Make reasonable excuses not to see her. You may think you are deceiving her, especially if you have always been honest with each other. Just keep in mind that you are doing this because you need time to put this situation behind you.
- Economic problems are almost always justifiable, especially if they force you to be late for work. By working harder, you get tired and tiredness is always a valid excuse.
Step 2. Evaluate how you feel
Before distancing yourself from your friend, make sure you are truly in love with him. In this kind of situation the pressure is very strong because there is the risk of permanently ruining a friendship.
- When you are in love, dopamine levels in the brain rise, favoring a noticeable focus on your loved one. Since the latter comes to occupy a large part of your daily thoughts, you may have the impression of being obsessed with it.
- If you are truly in love, no one else is able to catch your attention. Every thought is characterized by excessive optimism that leads you to neglect the negative traits of the person you like.
- If you experience these sensations, you may be truly in love with your best friend.
- Make sure that your condition does not depend on the fact that you are alone and that you have a strong bond with this person. When you reflect on your feelings, you run the risk of misinterpreting the friendship you have built, mistaking it for love. Avoid dating her because you want a romantic relationship and see her as a soul mate.
Step 3. Accept the pain
After going through an emotionally difficult situation, such as rejection, there is nothing worse than repressing your feelings and hiding them. Even worse is deceiving yourself into believing you don't have the right to feel certain emotions.
- If you judge yourself for what you are feeling - or don't give yourself a chance to feel a certain feeling - you are hiding the reality of your pain.
- Even if it is infinitely difficult to deal with a disappointment in love, you will grow stronger as you go. If you accept your emotions and focus on the present, you will also spend less time licking your wounds.
Step 4. Tell yourself it's not your fault
If you allow a rejection in love to completely destroy your happiness, you will have no chance to overcome this pain. Even if you have to put in a little effort, try to take a step forward to improve your self-esteem.
- Don't take it personally. It is possible that your best friend is facing huge problems with himself and may be afraid to commit due to his insecurities.
- Being alone will help you grow, and even if it feels like insurmountable pain, you will eventually come out stronger.
- Try to see it as an opportunity to improve or take time to move forward with your goals. You can find great motivation following a rejection in love by using negative emotions to give yourself more momentum. If you fall back into the spiral of self-criticism, you won't be able to move on. Keeping in mind that rejection is inevitable in life, you can scale everything down and give the situation the right weight.
Part 2 of 3: Overcoming the disappointment of love
Step 1. Do not completely erase his memory
While it may seem counterproductive, you don't have to get this person out of your mind completely. If you try to get rid of all the thoughts about her, they will come back when you least want them. It is a strategy that makes everything much more difficult.
- In psychology, the "white bear" effect is known, which is created when attempts not to think of a white bear are surely reminiscent of a white bear. It happens in all cases of addiction and obsession.
- When the thought of the person you are in love with crosses your mind, recognize it despite the pain. You don't have to panic and you certainly don't have to convince yourself that you will never be able to forget it.
Step 2. Learn to love yourself
When you are rejected by someone, you immediately feel a deep self-hatred and a lack of confidence. You have put yourself on the line and you probably feel like you have failed in some way. It is essential in these cases to regain self-confidence to overcome difficulties.
- You need to learn to tune in to the emotions you feel in the present, rather than thinking about past mistakes. Meditation helps balance your mind about what you are experiencing.
- To begin with, you could meditate in the lotus position, which is cross-legged. Keep your spine straight and put your hands on your heart. Keep your palms together, with your thumbs and little fingers aligned. Focus on the tip of your nose and breathe.
- When you get rid of the fear and anxiety of the past, you are able to use the energies you have acquired to move forward with vigor.
Step 3. Recover your friendships
To overcome a disappointment in love, it is essential to be able to rely on the people around you. Remember that friends are necessary for your well-being and don't forget the good they have loved you in the past. If you have sincere friends, it means that you have people to be yourself with.
Depending on how intense the feeling of love has been towards your best friend, it is possible that for some time you have been estranged from other friendships. As you can no longer consume yourself in the pain of this loss, focus your energies on building healthier relationships
Step 4. Remember that feelings are not objective
After a strong disappointment in love it is normal to get swept up in a whirlwind of complex emotions, which can range from anxiety to anger and deep pain. However, keep in mind that although these feelings exist, they are not an absolute and undisputed fact.
Tibetan Buddhist professor and author Tsoknyi Rinpoche invented the expression "real but not true". It is important to keep this in mind when working out your mood. You can recognize what you are feeling without, however, giving absolute power to the emotions
Step 5. Date someone without expecting a serious relationship
While it may take extra effort on your part, it's not a bad idea to try dating another person, even if you're still recovering. Either way, you don't have to find a replacement, but spend time with someone in a romantic, non-committal atmosphere.
- Don't taint her with the story of your disappointment in love. Don't overwhelm her with what you are going through.
- Even if nothing happens, you can definitely find some comfort in meeting someone else.
- At least you could try joining OKCupid or another dating social network so that you can be heartened by interacting with other people. You won't solve your problems, but any positive words will help you heal.
Step 6. Be nice to him
While it is a necessary step after a sentimental disappointment, it is especially important when the love object holds a cherished place in your heart, like a longtime friend. Any malicious gesture towards him will only make the situation worse.
- It seems counterproductive, especially if someone broke your heart recently, but you can move on more easily by showing them your kindness. In this way you will find your stability, you will feel calmer and avoid falling into the spiral of cynicism.
- This does not mean showing affection in a concrete way. Ignore him on social media and don't text him. However, you can wish him all the good in the world from the bottom of your heart.
Part 3 of 3: Rebuilding Friendship
Step 1. Make sure you both want to be friends
Although it is the worst case scenario, there is a possibility that the confusion caused by this type of situation could take you away forever. You will most likely not be able to put everything behind you due to unrequited feelings.
- If you've taken the time to be alone and get back on track, you can evaluate if you feel ready to mend the relationship.
- If you can't move on, don't be too hard on yourself. It may take longer than you anticipated.
- The further away you stay from your best friend, the more possible it is for new feelings to blossom for other people. This possibility can help you overcome your disappointment in love.
Step 2. Try to be in a group
You will be able to handle the situation more easily if you don't spend a lot of time in direct contact with your best friend. However, it is better for you to keep some boundaries with this person, even if it is difficult. The instinct may be to continue as if nothing had happened. For now, it is preferable to avoid interactions that are too intimate or confidential.
Think about the type of relationship you can still have with this person. Maybe you can watch television together, but also chat over a beer or a coffee
Step 3. Be content with the relationship as it is
Remember that if your friend is happy, you should be too. This is where maturity comes in: try to love him and wish him every luck, whatever decision he makes.
- Find a solution to overcome the embarrassment. Redefine the boundaries of your friendship.
- You will both have to change your expectations and evaluate what you have the right to do, so you need to start over by accepting the current situation.
Advice
- It is much better to have a true friend for life than a short relationship, so keep in mind that a relationship that is more intimate in nature could generate severe embarrassment between you. An extraordinary friendship is better than a banal love.
- Give time to time. You can't know if your best friend will change his mind, especially if you continue to be quite close. At worst, you will have to overcome the pain of disappointment and try to recover your friendship.
- It is difficult to accept rejection. If the other person doesn't want to be friends with you anymore, accept it.
- Rejection is one of the worst things that can happen and sometimes people pretend that everything is okay, even if things are different. Confide in someone. If you don't want to let anyone know who you are in love with, don't mention names. It will all be fine.
