When you have a crush on someone, you are full of hope for the future, but sometimes you don't get reciprocated. Here's what to do to forget about disappointment as soon as possible.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Acceptance of Feelings
Step 1. Talk to someone who has been in the same situation as you
It's hard to see the end of the tunnel when you feel trapped, but asking someone who has been through before us for advice will inspire us to get back in the game.
- Ask a friend or family member for help. Most people are empathetic when it comes to love and are willing to share their experiences to help out. And, if they have never had such an experience, they will still be able to offer you an objective point of view.
- Look around for people like you. There are also books, films and songs that focus on the suffering caused by unrequited love. Learn from those who have managed to overcome it.
Step 2. Admit your crush
A problem cannot be solved if its existence is not recognized. Deal with complicated emotions before you start to feel better.
- Write a journal to express how you feel. Take the time to leave everything behind. Make a list of the reasons why you developed feelings towards this person and try to understand why they couldn't work out between you. Then burn the pages.
- Express your feelings out loud: you don't have to tell everyone; you can even talk to yourself. Start by saying something like "I have a crush on Luana and I hate feeling that way".
Step 3. Tell the crush
If you're sure your crush is mature and can understand what you're going through, find a time to talk. One of the hardest parts of getting over a crush is letting go of your hopes for love. If you've just realized it's over, chances are you're haunted by thoughts like "What if …". Talking to the person gives the small chance that maybe they really like you, but even in the event that they don't, you can finally just move on to accept it. You won't feel like you've wasted a chance at happiness.
- Don't be too picky or clingy, and try to avoid talking about the physical side of your feelings - it's not relevant to what you really want to know. Just say how much you love her, and that you want to know if you are loved in return. Make it clear that you still want to be friends with her (although it may take some time), and that you want sincerity from her.
- Writing a letter to your crush can be advisable for several reasons. It makes it easier to explain how you feel without risking getting stuck, and it also puts less pressure on her. Give her a letter explaining your feelings, and ask her to read it later when she is alone. Don't look for her for a day, just to allow her to think about what you wrote. Try talking to her the next day if you have time to be alone. If she avoids you, she's probably just a little intimidated and confused, give her some space and try again later.
Step 4. Admit defeat
Maybe the person you like is with someone else or you are separated by thousands of miles. Perhaps the other does not know that you are interested and you are unable to declare yourself. Accept that there is an obstacle in your path and that you want to get around it.
- You are not failing as a person. Not being reciprocated has nothing to do with your personal worth. Relationships don't work for thousands of reasons, which often can't be changed or improved. Some things are beyond our control.
- Accept the traits of your character that have prevented her from being with you. Love disappointments usually start with a phase of denial, but you try to avoid it: maybe you just weren't meant to be together. It's okay to correct some flaws in your person, but don't confuse flaws and differences: bad hygiene is a flaw (easily improved), having different musical tastes, or being more or less introverted, is a character trait that you shouldn't change for someone. other. You have to make sure that you are loved for who you are.
- Don't be stubborn. Perseverance is admirable in certain cases: in this case it is not, because it would turn into despair and stupidity.
Method 2 of 3: Take Distances
Step 1. Get away from your crush
If it's a person you hardly ever see, falling in love will fade on its own.
- If you like a close friend of yours, start dating them less. Don't you want to lose his friendship? Thin out the encounters and explain why you need space.
- If you like a friend of a friend, avoid the social events they are invited to. Discuss the topic with your mutual friend.
- If you like your schoolmate, get distracted by focusing on your studies and, as soon as you start thinking about him, open a book or review the question. Don't sit next to him.
- If you like your colleague, focus your attention on work and avoid having lunch with him, meeting him at the coffee machine or going out for an aperitif with him.
- If you like someone you just can't avoid, distance yourself from your mind. You don't have to think about him just because you are in the same room. Do your homework or daydream.
Step 2. Meet new people
If you hang out with the same group of friends, broaden your social horizons and make new friends to increase your confidence and find a person who is more suitable for you:
- You know people who have the same hobbies as you. Do you love to write? Sign up for a creative writing class. Do you practice any sport? Join a team. The possibilities are endless!
- Volunteer or take care of animals and the environment.
- Attend parish groups.
Step 3. Take advantage of this period to re-evaluate and improve your life, to distract yourself and, at the same time, to move forward:
- Renew the wardrobe and the look. Ask a friend who is passionate about fashion and beauty for advice.
- Reorganize the spaces that surround you: the wardrobe, the car, the garage, the cellar… Throwing away the things you don't need is an authentic therapeutic process that will make you feel better.
- Sport clears your mind and allows you to focus on the here and now. Run, swim, cycle …
- Stand in front of the mirror two or three times a day and talk to yourself (no, that's not silly!). You could say to yourself phrases like "you will find someone else" or "nobody deserves all this killing". Repeat until you believe it.
Method 3 of 3: Away Forever
Step 1. Prevent relapses
Getting over a crush is tough and takes months of infatuation before realizing it's time to move on. It's all part of the process, so don't get derailed:
- You don't see the person you like for who they are. Infatuation destroys logical thinking patterns and makes you idealize your crush. No one is perfect: acknowledge the fact that you have underestimated his flaws.
- Go through the process as if you were getting rid of a drug addiction. Just as the anonymous alcoholic tries not to go into a bar, you will have to dodge situations in which you might meet your crush, including virtual ones.
- Do not transfer your feelings to another person to forget the first: you will go from the pan to the fire. You don't have to search for a replacement, but understand that that person is not for you, break the cycle.
Step 2. Demonizing your crush may help you in the short term but it is not a solution that will last forever
The problem is this: ruminating on the hatred you feel towards him is a way like any other to continue to feel obsessed, remaining trapped in the starting square.
- You are solely responsible for your happiness, no one else. Of course, the rejection or confusion that the other person has put in place is not a source of joy and maybe your crush flirted with you even though they knew they could disappoint your expectations. But whatever happened, the only person who can make you happy is you. Only you can decide that the time has come to move on with your life, so don't blame the one who doesn't match you for an excuse.
- Wish him the best. If you care about someone, even if you aren't reciprocated, resist the urge to get angry and take revenge.
Step 3. Make a list of your crush's flaws
It may not be easy, but it is very effective when done and understood in the right way. This person has kidnapped your eyes for all the good qualities you have seen in her; now we need to reverse this trend. At first you might think your love is "perfect", but no, everyone has their share of flaws, and that's what you need to keep in mind. Time to stop dreaming.
Think deeply about your crush and find as many negative characteristics as you can. List them on a piece of paper and read it repeatedly. When you see her around, don't think about her strengths: remember everything you've written and don't lose focus
Advice
- If you have a crush on a close friend, don't ruin your relationship. Don't see her for a while, or decrease the frequency of your encounters, and when the infatuation has passed, feel grateful for your wonderful relationship, stop obsessing over what didn't happen.
- Don't engage in a relationship with another person just to fill the void. Go out to have fun with people who might not interest you in other cases and to discover that the world is full of opportunities and possibilities to feel better.
- Give yourself time to feel sad.
- Get together with your friends and family.
- If you've never talked to your crush, forget her and, whenever you think about her, remember that if she was interested in you she would have approached.
- Don't confess your love to the other person if you know for sure they just want to be your friend - you could put your relationship at risk.
- Respect yourself and know that you will find the right person.
Warnings
- Don't punish yourself for numbing the pain: don't overdo food or alcohol, and don't be self-destructive.
- Don't call your crush when you're drunk - you'll both be uncomfortable.
