You're in love with a guy, you just aren't sure if he's on the same page as you. This can cause you a lot of stress and doubts. If you can't figure out if he doesn't want to commit to a relationship, then you need to analyze what he does and says when you are together. It won't be a foolproof way to know if he's kidding you (the only sure way would be to ask him or catch him red-handed), but there are many signs that let you know if he's not being honest with you. It is important to know them so that you behave cautiously in case of need.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Observe What He Does
Step 1. See if it only takes you to certain parts of the city
One way to tell if he doesn't want to commit is to examine whether he is willing to show up with you anywhere, or if he becomes nervous or reluctant if you want to go to a different part of town or try a new adventure. If he behaves this way, he may be dating girls from other neighborhoods, and he doesn't want to run the risk of running into them and experiencing embarrassing situations. If you want to know if he is playing with you, try saying quietly that you would like to go to a different restaurant, cinema or public park and see how he reacts.
- If he is actually making fun of you, then he is probably trying to keep the various appointments in the balance in a workmanlike manner. By trying to change his usual schedule, you may be able to uncover the deception.
- Ask yourself if he always decides where to go. Of course, he may want to be in control for other reasons, but this is often an obvious sign that he wants to get away from places where you run the risk of meeting some other girl.
Step 2. See if he is reluctant to meet your friends or introduce you to his
If this guy never wants to see your friends, it may be that he doesn't intend to make a serious commitment to the relationship. For the same reason he doesn't introduce you to his friends, with the added concern that they might miss something about other girls. Whether he's seeing someone else or not, if you've been dating for some time and hasn't shown any interest in meeting your friends or introducing you to his, this is a wake-up call.
- If he doesn't intend to become a big part of your life, then that's because he doesn't want the relationship to get too serious.
- That said, if you try to rush him into getting to know your friends or even your family after just a few weeks of dating, you're probably moving too fast. He may have legitimate reasons for wanting to take it easy, like making sure he knows where you are in the relationship or giving his friends time to get used to the idea of having a new girlfriend because he recently ended an important relationship.
Step 3. Observe if he behaves strangely when he meets you in public
If everything is great when you are alone, but then suddenly has a cold attitude when you bump into him at the mall or outside a restaurant, then obviously there is something wrong. There could be two reasons for this: he's acting weird because he's dating another girl and doesn't want to be seen with you, or because he doesn't want his friends or others to think he's dating you. Either way, this should be a cause for concern.
- If he truly cares about you, then he should be happy to meet you and also show you some affection. Of course, in public he doesn't have to be as romantic as he is in intimacy, but he should act like he really wants to see you.
- Examine her body language. Does he look you in the eye and get close to you? If so, that's a good sign. However, if he moves away from you, crosses his arms across his chest, and continues to look around instead of just having eyes for you, then this means he is trying to keep some distance.
Step 4. See if she is reluctant to show affection in public
Are you going out on a date but he acts like you're brother and sister? Then you should ask yourself why. If he's kidding you, he obviously doesn't want others to know you're dating. Maybe he does it because he is also dating someone else or just wants to keep several doors open. It must be said that not everyone likes affection or even just taking a girl by the hand, but if she cares about you, she should at least vaguely show her affection.
You don't have to put pressure on him to show affection in public right away, but, if you've been out together on multiple occasions and he still keeps some distance each time you're out, then this could be cause for concern
Step 5. See if he behaves softly for a minute, then suddenly changes and becomes unfriendly
If for a moment he is affectionate, sweet, gentle and eager to kiss you, but then a second later he acts as if he barely knows you, then it may be that he is making fun of you. He may want to go out with you on some days, but in other cases he thinks he has better things to do. It doesn't matter if he prefers to go out with another girl or see her friends: if he's not constant with you, then he's definitely making fun of you.
Think about it: it often leaves you feeling confused, you can't understand how you feel about yourself or what kind of relationship you have? If so, this could be because he is playing with your emotions
Step 6. See if she would ever give up an evening with friends to be with you
If this guy is teasing you, then he'll never put you first. He would always prefer to spend a night out with his party. When it comes to your relationship, he will only be willing to go out with you certain times, perhaps just when you suspect his friends are busy or have nothing better to do. If he really likes you, then he'll consider you a priority, not an alternative when he's not invited to any parties and is bored to death. If you want to know if he's kidding you, see if he'd give up on a date with friends to have a nice evening with you.
If this guy is serious, then he should be happy to hang out with you instead of seeing his friends, at least in some cases. You shouldn't force him to give up on his friendships or social life to be with you all the time, but an absolute lack of commitment could mean that he is making fun of you
Step 7. See if he has "shady" attitudes in using his cell phone
A surefire test to see if a guy is making fun of you? He acts like he's a CIA agent with his phone. He checks it all the time, he sends messages while preventing you from seeing what he writes, he doesn't answer phone calls for hours without reason: then he may be playing with you. Of course, some guys protect their privacy a lot and that's perfectly normal. However, if he's on the phone all the time and you never know why, this could be a wake-up call.
- Think about it for a moment: do you ever leave your phone unattended, even for a second, or is it always stuck in your pocket? While you don't have to peek at messages, realizing that she goes crazy just knowing who she's calling or texting is alarming.
- Another factor to consider? See if he turns off his phone when he's with you. It might be a nice gesture to give you her full attention, but it could also be a way to keep other girls out that they might call when you're together.
Part 2 of 3: Analyze What It Says
Step 1. See if he always tells you that he is too busy to see you, yet he seems to have enough time for everyone else
If you have more than once heard of yourself being told that he is busy, that he doesn't even have a minute to spare for himself, but then you find out that he has spent the night out with a group of friends, then this may make you realize that he is. making fun of. The truth is this: if a guy really wants to go out with you, then he'll find the time to do it. There may be exceptions, because he may be really busy, but finding out that he has time for everyone but you is a source of concern.
If he tells you that he is busy with study or work and then you find out that he was actually doing anything else, even just hanging out with his brother, then he is playing with you. If he cared, his life would be an open book, he wouldn't lie to you
Step 2. See if he is reluctant to make a future commitment beyond two weeks
If this guy tries to change the subject every time you try to talk about the future (for example, there's a month away from vacation and you want to make plans), that could mean he's playing. If he takes the relationship seriously, then he would like to include you in his future, without running away when you bring it up.
- Of course, if you've only been dating for three weeks and you start talking about orange blossom, it's normal for him to get scared. However, if you only talk about what you are going to do next month, he would have no reason to worry if he cared about you.
- Examine how she talks about you and the relationship. If he never brings up the future or includes you in more or less upcoming projects, then he may be playing with you.
Step 3. See if he has talked about you to his friends
Finally, he decides to introduce them to you, or you run into the party. The problem is that you hear a phrase like "I didn't know you were engaged …", or they seem surprised by your presence. This happens because the guy didn't think the relationship was serious enough to talk about it with friends. If he cares about you and you have been dating for a while, then he should be happy with the relationship and shout out who you are.
- If he is sweet towards you when you are alone, but then acts like a friend or even distantly in the presence of his party, then he may prefer to just flirt with you, without wanting anything serious.
- Of course, some guys prefer to be tough in front of friends, and they don't shower their girlfriends with kisses when they meet the party. However, if they have never heard of you, then it may be that they are making fun of you.
Step 4. See if he is reluctant to call you his "girlfriend"
If you consider him your boyfriend and you have been dating for months, but the word "girlfriend" never comes out of his mouth, then you may not take the relationship as seriously as you think. If he introduces you to others as if you are friends or even seems annoyed when you call him your boyfriend, he may be playing with you.
- Sometimes words are actually more meaningful than actions. If he refuses to call you his girlfriend even though you've been out for a long time, then there must be a reason behind it.
- Maybe he's afraid of making a commitment, it doesn't mean he's playing with you. In this case, you still have to talk about it.
Step 5. Pay attention to the way he talks to other girls
If you want to know if he's kidding you, then you should listen to what he says about other girls he knows. Of course, when you are around him he is polite and doesn't seem interested in talking to the others. However, if you then walk away and out of the corner of your eye you see him talking to someone else, flirting like there's no tomorrow, then he may be playing with you.
- If he really likes you, he would have no reason to approach the others to flirt. Of course, he can talk to other girls and doesn't have to ignore them to please you. However, if you realize from her way of talking to others that she wants more than just friendship, then she may be making fun of you.
- You don't have to spy on him or get too obsessive, but if a friend of yours goes to a party and you know he'll be there, ask her how he behaved. Your friend shouldn't be stalking him or keeping an eye on him all the time, but he can help you understand the situation better than you might be examining if you were there yourself.
Step 6. See if he always has an excuse ready
A typical Don Juan is characterized by a very specific characteristic: he always has an excuse ready. He may be so good at talking and convincing that you may not even notice that he is lying to you blatantly. She may tell you that her grandmother is sick, that the dog needs to be taken to the vet, that she forgot your appointment because her alarm did not go off, or that she had to help a friend in need. Sure, these things happen, but if you find that he has the perfect excuse every time he lets you down, then he may be kidding you.
- If you've heard the "Phone was dead" excuse more than a couple of times, that's probably not the real reason he didn't call you back.
- If he seems particularly sweet and sorry when he rattles off these excuses, it may be that he is trying to hide his lies.
Step 7. See if he starts acting nervous when you ask him about his night out
Another way to tell if he's kidding you is to simply ask him how the night went if he told you he stayed at home or went out with friends. It doesn't have to be a third degree, but you can ask him a few general questions about what happened. If he has been home alone, ask him what movie he watched; if in theory he went out with his party, ask him which bar he went to. At this time, you should examine your body language and words to see if he gets nervous, starts stammering, or just acts like he's uncomfortable.
- While it doesn't have to be an interrogation, you may be able to catch him red-handed by asking him just a few informal questions.
- Ask him while doing something else, like checking his cell phone, so he doesn't notice that you are actually trying to analyze it.
Part 3 of 3: Find out for sure
Step 1. Ask him
If you want to find out if a guy is teasing you, the easiest way is to ask him the big question. You may not want to know if he is cheating on you, but you can ask him what he thinks about your relationship. If it doesn't feel what you do, then it's best to know right away, there's no point waiting. You simply have to find an intimate moment to ask him questions about his thoughts and your future together.
- It may not be easy, but it is much better than staying in doubt for months. You will have a definitive answer, once and for all. If it is clear that he is lying to you, you will be able to understand this too.
- If you are feeling particularly daring, you can ask him directly if he is cheating on you. Refer to shady behavior that led you to suspect.
Step 2. Ask your friends what they think
While it is better to talk about it directly with him, you can also get a useful idea thanks to your friends. They have observed the evolution of the relationship and may have a valid outside opinion about it. They may also have figured out better if he's kidding you or not because maybe they've seen him with other girls and got a different idea.
- Ask your friends to be honest with you. They shouldn't lie to you just to spare you negative emotions.
- If you really want them to, they might investigate a bit for you. As long as their attempt is not obvious, they can casually make their appearance in a place usually frequented by the boy in question. They will keep an eye on him to understand how he behaves with others. Obviously, if he thinks you sent a spy to the territory, he will behave flawlessly.
Step 3. Consider the option to follow it
If you've gotten to the point where you don't care about the risk of being caught red-handed or breaking his trust, then you can try following him after dating him or when you know he is in a certain place, to observe what he does. Whether you are driving some distance, walking or taking the bus, try to be far enough away from him not to be seen. Should she be aware of your presence, have a sensible story ready. This can help you figure out if he's seeing other girls or if he's just walking home to his cat.
Just remember that this behavior is quite risky and you can get caught. If that happens and he hasn't done anything wrong, the relationship could end, so be sure to consider whether following him is a good idea before you try
Step 4. Go to his house at an unexpected moment
Another way to find out if he's kidding you is to show up unexpectedly at his house. You can show up an hour earlier than agreed to see if he has invited another woman or is cleaning everything up suspiciously. You can also "accidentally" drop into the neighborhood at a time when he should be at university or work to bring him a coffee or a candy. When you do, see if he is happy to see you or seems nervous, as if he is hiding something, or someone.
Of course, if it's totally absurd to show up at his house out of the blue, then he might understand what you have in mind. However, if you've been to visit it in the past and it's never been a problem, just try to make it feel completely natural
Step 5. Look around her stuff, if you don't have a problem breaking her trust
Browsing through a guy's things won't win you the trust award, but you can try peeking at his phone or email, or even just looking around his room for suspicious items, such as women's clothing. which obviously do not belong to you. You may want to evaluate it if you are desperate and confident enough that you want to do it. Snooping is the last resort - you should only do it if you think you really need answers and nothing else has worked.
- The problem with these investigations is this: if you find evidence and want to tell him that you know everything, then you will have to admit that you have been poking around his things. This will infuriate him with you, and will shift the focus from the real situation.
- If you read his messages on your phone, make an excuse if he catches you red-handed. You can say that your mobile went out while you were looking for the restaurant where you had dinner the night before to recommend it to a friend, or that you had to quickly check your email. While it's not particularly convincing, it can be better than nothing.
Step 6. Try to catch it red-handed
You can also make an attempt to expose a lie if he is fooling you. If he told you that he went out with his friends or brother the night before, when you see them, ask how the night went. Do they seem confused? Then you will find that he lied to you. If he tells you that he had to stay home because his sister had a problem, ask him a few days later if it was fixed. Does he act like he doesn't have a clue what you're saying? Then he may have already forgotten his own lie.
You can also try asking him simple questions: If he told you he went to the movies with his friends, ask him the title of the movie he saw. If he seems embarrassed or clearly doesn't know the answer, then you will understand that he is making fun of you
Step 7. While there is no hard evidence, trust your instincts
If you have the vague feeling that this guy is not being honest, but you can't find hard evidence despite your investigation, then it may be time to end the relationship. He may not be dating other girls, but he can still make fun of you because your feelings are different. If you think he's playing with you, it might be best to end the relationship, but first make sure you don't have severe jealousy issues that cloud your judgment and that there is a real reason to worry.
When you date a guy who really cares and is only there for you, you get it. You will not waste hours calling him and wondering where he is, you will not have to fall low and browse his things or follow him, because you will have no reason to. You will know it will be there for you 100%, and this feeling will be wonderful
Advice
- If you can't move on, think about all the pain it has caused you and everything it has done to you.
- Many guys are acting insensitive without even realizing it.
- It may be difficult to move on, but you have to do it when the time comes. Seriously.
- Remember that the sea is full of fish, and there are better boys than him.
- Ask your closest friends what they think about their behavior towards you. This can help you a lot.
Warnings
- If you are unsure of what he does, don't ask his friends.
- Don't talk about him at all to people you don't trust.
- If you are unsure of his feelings, do not disclose yours.
- When you are unsure but have no evidence, just talk to a friend of yours.
