Everyone needs space: some need a lot, others less. While it may seem strange to say, giving a friend some space allows the relationship to stay healthy. Being able to express your needs is essential for a lasting friendship.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Discreet Approach
Step 1. Get a clear idea of what you want
You will be less likely to hurt someone else's feelings if you can communicate how you feel and what you need without putting them on the defensive. Try to describe your feelings in detail and help them understand your needs.
- For example, you could tell him that you had a busy week at work and would need a lot of rest. Ask them politely if you can avoid going out on the very same night
- If you need a longer period than a single evening, you can tell him that you are having a very intense moment and that you need some time to re-evaluate some aspects of your life. Ask him a big favor, which is not to hear or see you for a few weeks.
Step 2. Prepare a speech
If you intend to politely decline an invitation but feel embarrassed to do so, prepare a speech to follow. It will help you not to have to apologize over the top. There is no problem saying no without having to apologize. Here are some examples:
- If you just want to say no, decline the invitation: "I've had a really busy week. I think I need some quiet tonight. Thanks anyway!"
- If you don't want to go out with a whole group of people, you can say, "Thank you for inviting me, but I have to say no. Would you like to do something just the two of us? I need a break from group situations."
- If you don't feel like going out the same night but would like to go out again, you can propose: "That sounds like a great idea! Is it possible to postpone the program until next time?"
- If you no longer care about your friendship, simply say, "I don't know how to say it, but I don't really think we're compatible. I'm going to put our friendship on hold for a while."
Step 3. Offer an alternative
Whenever you ask a friend for space, you run the risk of making him feel unwanted. If it's a friendship you want to keep, you can tone down the other person's feelings by offering an alternative.
- If you don't feel like going to a public place, you could propose to see yourself at home.
- If, on the other hand, you need to be alone immediately, you can ask to postpone the meeting until the following week.
- If you need space for an extended period, you might propose to text only once or twice a week.
Step 4. Consider the other person's needs
A relationship is an exchange of giving and receiving - if it's a friendship you want to keep, think about the other's needs while affirming your need to have some space for yourself.
- If the other person needs reassurance or attention to feel happy, you may want to agree to discuss it together.
- If the other person understands their need for reassurance and attention, they may get what they need in other ways while you regain your energy.
- There is almost always a way to satisfy the needs of both.
Step 5. Avoid lies
Whatever you decide to do, don't make up any lies to avoid dating the friend in question. Needing space is absolutely natural, there is nothing to be ashamed of or apologize for, so you have no reason to lie. If you lie, you will not feel well, you will not be able to enjoy the required space and your friend would end up discovering the truth anyway.
Part 2 of 3: Direct Approach
Step 1. Wait to let off some steam
Sometimes the need for space can represent something more serious than the simple "need to recharge". If someone's actions bother you and that's why you want to take some space, wait until you get angry before letting them know. You will feel more balanced and more able to express the reasons why you need space.
Step 2. Review the speech you intend to give
Especially if the conversation heats up, it may be a good idea to review your speech beforehand.
- Start by drawing up a lineup of the most important points. What do you want to tell him?
- Once you've defined the lineup, prepare your speech in the mirror.
- You can always take your track with you if you are afraid of forgetting some important point.
Step 3. Say what you need to say
There is no need to go around it: the important thing is to say it. Preparing the speech is useful up to a certain point, after which you have to take courage. Don't think about it too much and don't postpone the moment: pick up the phone and call the person in question.
Step 4. Set boundaries
If you have the impression that the other person is invading your space all the time or if you feel that your requests are not heeded, you may need to set boundaries. Healthy boundaries are the basis of a healthy friendship.
- Clarify which behaviors are acceptable and which are not.
- For example, you may find it acceptable for the friend in question to email you or call you, but not to come to your home without notice.
- If you want to end the friendship once and for all, it is important that you say this.
Step 5. Be persevering
Your needs won't go away by themselves - if you feel the need for more space, make sure you get it. A discreet approach may work in some cases, while in others it may need to be more direct, but there is a good chance you will need to state your needs more than once. Insist! Claiming the space you need is a great act of self-love.
Part 3 of 3: Deciding You Need Space
Step 1. Take some space because you are busy or tired
Maybe you have had a stressful week or you have too many things to do. Give yourself time to recover your energy by taking the space you need.
Step 2. Take some space because you are an introverted person who needs some time for himself
Each of us is at a different point along the extroversion-introversion scale. Do you feel like you are recharging yourself more by spending time alone? If so, you may be more prone to introversion and that means taking some time for yourself is critical to your well-being, so allow it!
Step 3. Take some space because the other person is too busy
Many times we ask for space from our friends because they are a source of stress in our life. If you have a friend who is giving you trouble, give yourself permission to take some space. It is almost always a good idea to wait for the waters to calm down.
Step 4. Take some time because the other person is known to be an untrustworthy person and you have had enough
Are you tired of making plans with the friend in question to be changed or blown up? You can decide to stop planning activities with him.
Step 5. Decide how much space you need
Before you decide how to take up space, you need to understand how much you need it. If you just need a free evening, you may want to go for a discreet approach, but if you are going to completely review the nature of your relationship, you should go for a more direct approach.
- Do you just need a free evening?
- You no longer want to go out alone with this person but have no problem going out in a group (or vice versa)?
- Do you want to change the foundations of your friendship (or even end it)?
Advice
- Accept that you can't always please everyone.
- Honesty is always the best policy, even as a last resort where tact has not had the desired effects.
- Always try to put yourself in the other person's shoes. Be respectful.
- Don't put pressure on the other.
