Every relationship has its ups and downs, and there may be times when either partner feels the need for some space. Often, when we hear, "I need space," we take the worst for granted. However, this phrase does not necessarily hide the desire to end the relationship. It can simply say that a person wants to focus on other aspects of life, such as school, work or family. Here are some steps that will help you communicate this need.
Steps
Part 1 of 4: Analyzing Your Situation
Step 1. Identify the reasons why you need space in your relationship
Take the time to think carefully about why you feel this need. Try to write them down, so you can come back to evaluate them later. That way, you will be able to answer any questions your boyfriend may ask about your decision.
Among the most common reasons that lead people to want space in a relationship consider: the need to be alone for some time to relax after a rather busy week, the desire to focus on a project or take care of family matters
Step 2. Finally decide what you want to do with your relationship
Chances are your boyfriend wants to know what "taking some space" means to your story. If you mean that you want to end the relationship, it's best to do it right away.
Union and separation are two sides of the same coin within a healthy relationship. If the relationship is balanced, you should also have the freedom to think for yourself and cultivate friendships outside the couple
Step 3. Choose the time and place to meet and talk
The best time is when you are both relaxed, calm and willing to listen to each other. A quiet public place, where you can talk without getting upset, will allow you to avoid unpleasant discussions: a park or a bar could be a good choice.
Part 2 of 4: Meet you
Step 1. Manage the conversation
Try not to wander or get distracted. Speak in the first person to express what you want and need. This will show that you take responsibility for your decision and prevent your boyfriend from feeling attacked or blamed. Here are some examples of first-person sentences:
- "I'm not happy".
- "I feel some pressure."
- "I don't have enough time to pursue my passions".
Step 2. Clearly define the path you intend to follow
Think about the frequency of contacts you will have from this point on, considering the conversations, messages and meetings in person.
- You will be able to see each other once every two days, every two weeks or a month.
- Having a specific time to see you can give you more stability. Maybe your mom made a doctor's appointment in the morning. In this case, it would be better to meet in the afternoon, or if you volunteer on weekends, it would be more convenient for you to move your meetings during the week.
Step 3. Tell him what your times are
It is important that your boyfriend knows how much time you need for yourself. It could be a week or a month. Don't forget to manage their expectations. After the initial period has elapsed, the time that was needed only for you could become a requirement for both of you.
Do not believe that it is better not to define the times, as there is the risk of creating ambiguity and feeding the other person a sense of powerlessness
Part 3 of 4: Managing Your Boyfriend's Reactions
Step 1. Try to calmly acknowledge everything he is feeling and worried about
For example, you might say:
- "I see you upset".
- "I recognize that I hurt your feelings."
- "Is there anything else I could tell you?".
Step 2. Manage your nervous breakdowns
If you listen carefully to your boyfriend, he will eventually calm down. If, on the other hand, the atmosphere overheats, avoid exploding. Tell him that you prefer to temporarily stop your discussion and that you will continue talking when both of you have calmed down.
Step 3. Accept that your boyfriend doesn't agree with your choice
He probably doesn't want to have any more space for himself and may decide to end the relationship. In this case, allow him to act as he likes so that he suffers less.
Part 4 of 4: Evaluating the Results
Step 1. Put your decision into practice and ask yourself questions to adjust as needed:
- "Did I really get the space I needed?"
- "Did the space I needed help me?".
- "Is there anything I wish to change?".
Step 2. Decide together clearly and concretely what the changes may be
You may continue to feel like you always have or decide to increase contacts through messages and phone calls, but still see each other infrequently. Alternatively, you have the option of ceasing all forms of communication between you.
Step 3. Try to be kind to each other by showing that you don't give up on supporting and caring for each other
- "Thank you for the support you give me".
- "I appreciate that there is cooperation between us".
- "I'm glad you can lend me a hand."
