If you are in a relationship with a man older than you, you may have doubts or worries about how to make it work. To do this, the best way is to be yourself when you are with him and ignore other people's judgments about the age difference. Discuss the future, for example your professional and family goals, and give each other support even if you are at different times in life. By listening to him and learning about the people most important to him, your relationship will grow stronger.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Maintain a Positive Mindset
Step 1. Ignore the judgments of the people around you
There are many prejudices that a girl who decides to date an older man faces, and you too could receive a lot of criticism for your decision. If you know you've chosen your partner for the right reasons, don't give any negative comments weight and focus only on the positives in your relationship.
- Introduce them to your friends and family and show that you are confident, to show that your relationship makes you feel good.
- If you are unsure whether you are with your partner for the right reasons, such as because you are primarily interested in their money, you may want to reevaluate your relationship.
Step 2. Wait patiently for people to accept you as a couple
If your friends and family haven't gotten used to the idea of you dating an older man yet, don't rush. Give them time to get to know him and understand your relationship. The longer they see you with him, the more they will understand that your relationship is really serious.
- While you can share your concerns with friends and family, mostly talk about the positive sides of your relationship so they understand it better.
- It can take a few months for friends and family to start supporting your relationship.
Step 3. Consider yourself equal to him
If you always see yourself as the younger and less experienced person in the couple, your partner will start to see you that way too. Give up the idea that age difference defines your relationship and participate equally in life as a couple.
- Instead of seeing him as the person who has to take care of you, take more responsibility and work with him to make the couple's decisions.
- Pay for dinners in turn and take turns choosing activities for the weekend.
Step 4. Talk to your partner about your insecurities
It is normal for you to be worried when dating an older man, and he probably also reflects on whether you are younger. Talk about it openly and discuss these issues so you can enjoy your relationship better.
For example, if you are worried that he is richer than you and has a tendency to pay for everything, tell him that you would rather have more balance in economic terms and that you would like to pay too from time to time
Step 5. Be yourself
You won't be able to carry on a relationship with an older man if you always have to change your natural behavior to satisfy him. You should feel comfortable and share your true nature with your mate, showing him who you really are.
- Always talk to him honestly, defending yourself and your opinions.
- Don't hide your habits, flaws and personality traits that make you unique.
Method 2 of 3: Strengthen the Bond
Step 1. Find common interests to help you advance the relationship
If you have a partner older than you, you probably grew up with different life perspectives and cultural references. Try to find topics and activities that both of you like and learn new things from each other so that you can use the age difference as a learning experience.
- For example, if you have different musical tastes, talk about your favorite artists without disrespecting each other's opinions.
- Find activities that both of you enjoy, such as hiking, puzzles, reading, swimming, or traveling.
Step 2. Get to know your partner's friends better and invite them to do the same
Due to the age difference, you and your friends may have different interests than your boyfriend and the people he associates with. Instead of avoiding people of such different ages, he tries to deepen the relationship with his friends. If you commit to this, he probably will too.
- If you don't like the idea of joining your company of friends, go out for a drink with him and some of his friends before inviting him to dinner with your friends.
- You can organize a small party at your home by inviting friends of both of you.
Step 3. Accept his past as something he cannot change
If he has been in a serious relationship, married, or has children in the past, accept that all of this is part of him. Avoid being jealous of broken relationships, as this won't help make yours stronger. If you keep in touch with your ex-wife because they have a child together, respect this reality and try to help when you get the chance.
- If something from his past bothers you, for example because he cheated on a partner when he was younger, talk to him openly instead of hiding your concerns.
- Share your past with him so that both of you have an idea of what experiences you have had.
Step 4. Listen to him and learn from his past experiences
Depending on the age difference, your boyfriend may have many years of experience more than you. Instead of seeing it as a worrying aspect, use it to your advantage. Listen to the opinions and suggestions he has to give you about what is happening in your life; even if you don't follow his advice, they could be important lessons to treasure for the future.
Older men often have more experience in dealing with colleagues and superiors, managing finances, and tend to have higher self-esteem
Step 5. Support each other
Even if one or both of you are established professionals, if you have a busy schedule and a lot of responsibilities, lean on each other and show your support for your partner. This means listening to your partner's problems after a difficult day, understanding when work needs to be prioritized, and encouraging yourself to do the best in all your activities.
- Try to be understanding when his schedule occupies him more than you would like.
- Show him that you care by listening carefully when he talks about his job, social life, or other concerns.
Method 3 of 3: Plan for the Future
Step 1. Talk about your goals for a future together
Decide what you would like from your relationship and where you see yourself in a few years. Try to set similar goals, such as trying to be successful at work, travel, or have children. If you have similar milestones, your relationship is more likely to work.
- Consider writing a list of goals for the future to compare against his own.
- Imagine your future and consider what goals you would like to accomplish, such as living close to your family, going to college or starting your own business.
Step 2. Discuss the topic of children so that you are in tune
Your boyfriend may already have children or may not want more. If you decide that in the future you will have a child together, great! If, on the other hand, you have slightly different ideas regarding children, talk about them openly.
- If he already has children, consider how you would feel in the role of godmother and what your relationship with his children will be like, making sure you are ready and open to this possibility.
- If you don't feel ready to have children for now, be sure to tell him by talking openly with him.
Step 3. Make sure you have similar values
This is important for a strong and healthy relationship. Discuss your personal values, such as the importance of family and friends, as well as work-life balance. In theory, your values should align as closely as possible.
- Other important values include political and religious beliefs, as well as an opinion on monogamy.
- For example, you may think that spending time with his family is important, while he never sees his relatives.
Step 4. Be aware that he may want to start a family before you
If you are dating someone much older than you, you are likely looking for a girl who is ready to get married and possibly have children soon enough. Think about whether you want the same things too, reflecting on what you will give up to speed up your relationship.
Many people consider the age of 20 to 40 as the time to find yourself and find out what you really love, be it your hobby, job or love life. Consider whether dating an older man would make you less likely to discover yourself
Step 5. Consider that you will age differently
You are in different stages of life and if the age difference between you is great, he will feel the effects of old age before you. Ask yourself if you are ready to take care of him when he is older and what this will mean for you and your family.
- For example, if you plan to travel a lot in the future, ask yourself if he will be able to follow you on your adventures.
- If he is older than you, he will likely die sooner than you, so be mentally prepared for how this event will affect your life.
Advice
- Older men are often less open to change than younger men.
- Try to experience the relationship as you would with a guy your own age.
- Don't rush too much and avoid rushing important decisions.
- Be aware that your sex life may be different than what you would have when dating a guy your age or younger.
