Everyone desires love. It's something everyone wants to try or has tried. While some might argue that love is something that feels naturally and effortlessly, the very nature of this feeling makes it difficult to define in precise terms. To truly love someone you must first understand the nature of love and how to define it. While it is something that people attach such importance to, so many lose sight of the true meaning of love.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Feeling Love
Step 1. Consider whether the person in question is worthy of your love
Love requires a very significant emotional investment. While loving someone isn't always a choice, it might be worth reflecting on your bond with a particular person and thinking about how much loving them might weigh on you. This is not a warning: in fact, this type of reflection could lead you to love this person more. If you strive to feel love, justifying it on a logical basis can be a positive step.
Refusing to be objective about your feelings can be a sign of infatuation, so be careful
Step 2. Open yourself to the possibility of being hurt
Along with love comes the risk of suffering the backlash of those feelings. Sometimes, defense mechanisms develop to protect oneself from the possibility of loving someone. To love fully you must overcome these doubts and realize that love is worth all the risks you take in pursuing it.
Positive internal dialogue is a good way to overcome this fear. When in doubt, don't be afraid to say out loud that "Suffering for love is a risk worth taking." Living in fear is itself a form of pain; if you can let it go, you will be much better off in the long run
Step 3. Think of love as an addiction
You've probably heard love being compared to a drug - as far as brain chemistry is concerned, this somehow corresponds to the truth. When you love someone, you become addicted to their presence. If you focus on all the good things about a person, you will become more and more eager to see them again.
- Love, just like an addiction, will make you miss your loved one terribly when you are apart.
- Don't be with a person in a possessive and unhealthy way.
Step 4. Celebrate the successes of your love without jealousy
When we hear of friends accomplishing great things it is natural to feel a touch of jealousy, especially if we are not satisfied with the current state of our life. Not so in the case of love. If you truly love someone, feel happy for their happiness and don't let your jealousies get between you.
Step 5. Love yourself
While your feelings towards yourself may have nothing to do with how you perceive someone you love, the fact remains that you can't completely surrender to someone when you don't feel secure and stable. Loving yourself means recognizing your good qualities and understanding what it is that defines you as a person. The experience of loving yourself is not comparable to loving someone else, but it is a firm step in the right direction.
Part 2 of 3: Expressing Love Through Actions
Step 1. Express your love in words
Arguably, the most obvious way to show love is through positive affirmations. This attitude can obviously vary a lot; it can range from a simple "I love you" to a more elaborate talk about all the things you like about the person you love. Follow this tip for both love of friends and romance.
Often a simple "I love you" says more than anything else, if only for the fact that people always put so much emphasis on these two words
Step 2. Use physical contact to your advantage
Contact can be used for a wide variety of positive effects. While the benefits seem most evident in a romantic relationship, love can be shown in all kinds of connections. Depending on the type of relationship you have with someone you love, physical affection can come naturally and can be reciprocated in turn. Physical contact feels good and aids in the growth of good feelings between the two of you.
- Kisses and cuddles are ideal for showing romantic love.
- A handshake or a hug can be good for platonic love.
Step 3. Get into the habit of giving gifts
Gifts are great if you want to express your love to someone. Words work wonders, but a gift, large or small, is a concrete sign of your affection. The important thing is that it is done with sincere feelings. The gifts you could give depend on the kind of love you are expressing:
- Flowers are a very common gift to give to a partner;
- Less symbolic gifts, such as concert tickets, can be offered to friends or family;
- Small, loving gifts, such as homemade cards or wildflowers, can be enjoyed by anyone.
Step 4. Spend quality time with this person
Give the one you love your full and undivided attention when you are together. Try to eliminate all distractions that stand between you. While together, avoid using your phone or other electronic devices to make your loved one feel special.
- Practice active listening when your loved one is talking, making eye contact and processing what they are saying. Do not intervene or interrupt.
- For fun, you can spend an evening with board games or go to dinner somewhere you've never been before.
Step 5. Offer to help the one you love
Sometimes doing housework or helping out around the house will show someone how much you love them. Even if you don't feel like it, take the time to do that thing your loved one always hates doing. He will certainly appreciate it.
For example, if your loved one is very busy and doesn't have time to wash the dishes, consider doing it yourself to lighten their workload
Step 6. Make it last
When you start loving someone, you rarely consider the long-term implications. At first it may all seem magnificent, but the greatest reward comes from the tenacity and commitment that both of us put into it. Once you are in a stable relationship, don't get lazy; feed your love every day. Whether it's repeating the same steps or exploring new ways, making love last is very important. If you thought that love was short-lived, it wouldn't be that powerful.
Put your loved one's needs ahead of yours from time to time to keep your love constant
Part 3 of 3: Understanding Love
Step 1. Define love
Before anything else, it is important to base your search for answers on a generally accepted definition of the word "love". Love can be described as a very strong affection for something or someone, although the answers vary from person to person. Chances are you have your own definition of love. Try to put it into words.
- Since love is a feeling, looking at art and music makes you feel someone else's interpretation directly. The Beatles are a great reference in this regard, but there are great songs about love in practically every era and style of music.
- Writers and philosophers have given many different interpretations of love. You may want to seek their opinions if you have any doubts about your definition.
Step 2. Consider the different types of love
Love covers a wide range of positive feelings for an all-encompassing variety of human relationships. Think of all the different types of connections you can make with people. Most of them have the potential to become some kind of love. The love you feel for your parents or your children is different from the love you feel for your partner. It is important to first consider these different types of love and the feeling they could ideally generate. Although it could be categorized indefinitely, the ancient Greek philosophers classified love into four general categories:
- "Eros" refers to a romantic love. This is probably the first type of love that people think of when this word is spoken.
- "Storgé" refers to love for family and relatives.
- "Philia" is a friendly sentiment, also known as "platonic love".
- "Agape" was the term used by the Greeks to indicate a "divine love", relating to spiritual areas.
- Love can also be used to describe attachment to an object or concept. For example, someone might love their car or their country.
Step 3. Distinguish love from infatuation
It is very easy to distinguish mere attraction from true love, however very often this boils down to a case of infatuation. Judging infatuation as love confuses the value of love itself. If you are thinking about romantic love, this can often refer to a confusion between love and a primarily physical attraction.
Although there are love at first sight, true love is much more likely to develop gradually
Step 4. Be realistic about love
Ultimately, love is inherently idealistic. That doesn't mean it can't be a part of real life, but you have to be realistic about what you call love. Love may seem magical, but it is by no means fairytale or perfect. You can love someone and still argue with them or not love a lot of things they do. Ultimately, however, loving someone means that the positives outweigh the negatives and that you would go out of your way to help your loved one without benefiting yourself. It is easy to idealize the notion of love, but practically all of us have a potential for concreteness.
Being realistic is not to be confused with being indifferent or cynical. Pessimism is another type of distortion. Just because love does not shed a pink light on everything does not mean that it is presenting things as accurately as possible. Take the good along with the bad
Step 5. Ask yourself if you've ever loved before
How can you really know if you loved? Since love is intangible by its very nature, there is no way to know for sure. Then take your personal definition of love and see if it matches any relationship (romantic or otherwise) you have had. It may also help you categorize the loves you may have, whether platonic, romantic, family, or otherwise. If you know with some certainty that you have truly loved in the past, the act of loving someone should become easier.
- If you think you've never loved before, your definition of love may be too idealistic and rigid.
- If, on the other hand, you are sure that you have never loved, learning to love will be a process that will force you to keep your attention focused on detecting new feelings you have never experienced before or at least positive emotions stronger than those you are used to.
Advice
Love cannot be imposed, but practically anyone can experience it. The steps in this article shouldn't be seen as a way to create love out of thin air, but as a way to identify and recognize a love that is already there
Warnings
- Don't use TV shows, movies, or books as an example of what love should be. Instead, look at couples who have been together in real life for many years.
- Love is an abstract concept. For this reason, everyone will have a different definition. This can lead to problems when people talk to each other about love in concrete terms.
