To understand whether the man you are dating is the right person for you or not, the best choice is to listen to your instincts. Sometimes, however, your spontaneous feelings may not be enough and you will need to look into various clues that may indicate whether it is best to escape from a relationship as soon as possible or carry it on until marriage. Remember, though: this is a decision that only you can make.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Understanding What You Feel
Step 1. Recognize that he is not the right person for you if you cannot love his flaws
Many people have a too mythicized idea of the "ideal man" and think that he must necessarily be a perfect and divine creature who will solve all their problems and make every day of their life like a fairy tale. The real way to understand if you have found the "ideal man", however, is to evaluate how much you can accept the defects of the person you love. If you are able to tolerate noisy burps, bad taste in music or the disorder of the man you frequent, instead of shivering at every action that you think is not perfect, then you will know that it is the right one.
It doesn't mean that you can't discuss his shortcomings with him and try to change them, for example by asking him to learn how to tidy up more efficiently. If he's not the right person for you, though, you probably won't be able to tolerate his imperfections at all
Step 2. Recognize that he is not the right person for you if you are not excited about seeing him
Even if he is "the one", however, keep in mind that contrary to what you might think, you don't have to feel butterflies in your stomach 24 hours a day. But if he really isn't for you, you won't feel anything when you get ready to go out together or when you come home to him. If he is the right person, you should feel a sense of excitement and anticipation when you are about to see him or spend time with him.
- If you do not feel even a little happiness at the idea of meeting him, you probably consider him as a friend or maybe you are tired of being with him.
- The next time you prepare to go out with him, ask yourself how excited you are. Do you feel your heart speeding up, at least a little? Have you been waiting for this moment with excitement all day? You don't have to be over the moon every time you go out, but you should at least look forward to this moment with joy.
Step 3. Recognize that he is not the right person for you if you cannot imagine a future together
If he were "the right one", in fact, you should have already started thinking about spending the rest of your life with him, which means getting married, having children and following a traditional path, or simply being together as a couple and exploring life hand in hand. but no. If you try to think about yourself in a few years, or even just think about what you are going to do next summer, and can't imagine it by your side, then it probably isn't the right one for you.
- Another clue that may make you realize that he is not the right person for you is the fact that he has never talked about a future together. If he gets nervous or changes the subject every time you start talking about the future, it means he has no serious intentions towards you.
- Try to imagine your life in 10 years, however crazy it may seem. Does it seem impossible to picture him by your side, or can't you think of a life without him? If you just can't visualize a future together, then he's not the right person.
Step 4. Recognize that he is not for you if you are not comfortable together
If she was the right person, you should be able to fully express your true character when you are by her side, instead of feeling obligated to dress a certain way or play a certain role in her life. You should be able to sound like yourself, speak spontaneously and express your opinions freely, without fear of making him angry or disappointing him. While it is normal to feel a little nervous because you like him and his opinion is important to you, remember that he is not the right person if you are constantly feeling stressed and anxious or if you constantly worry about how he feels about you..
If you constantly worry that what you say might make him angry or upset, then this is not the person for you
Step 5. Recognize that he is not the right person for you if you cannot be honest with him
If he is "the right one", you should feel free to tell him the truth, starting from where you have been today to your concerns about your relationship. You shouldn't think that every little thing you say to him could make him nervous, jealous, in a bad mood, or could cause him to withdraw. If he really cared about you, you should feel free to talk to him without it making you feel scared or anxious. If you fall prey to fear every time you have to express what you really think, then he is not the right person for you.
- If you feel like you have to lie to protect him or to keep him from getting angry, then this is not the right one.
- If, on the other hand, you feel free to talk to him about your doubts and you know that he will listen to you, taking you seriously, then he could be the person for you.
Step 6. Remember that only you can tell if it's the right one for you or not
You can ask friends and family for advice or you can make millions of lists of pros and cons, but remember that in the end you are the only person who can understand whether or not he is right for you. Consulting sites like wikiHow for advice may be helpful, but always keep in mind that only you can decide whether he is the right person for you or not, no matter what others say.
- Warning: what is perfect for your best friend or favorite aunt may not be perfect for you; people can help and advise you, but they cannot make this decision for you, because you are a different person from others and have different needs.
- The very fact that you are visiting this page, however, could be a sign that he is not the one. Having doubts about him already could indicate a problem in your relationship.
- As trivial as it may seem, you will understand if he is the right one or not by listening to your instincts. It is an intuitive feeling that is sometimes impossible to explain. You may also have already realized, inside you, that he is not for you, but maybe you are still looking for some more confirmation.
Part 2 of 3: Evaluating How He Treats You
Step 1. Acknowledge that he is not the right person for you if he keeps hitting on other girls
Everyone happens to flirt once in a while, and if you happen to flirt with someone harmlessly at times, it certainly won't be the end of the world. However, if your man keeps trying or talking to other girls and you disrespect you by continuing to look at them and evaluate them, then he is not the right one. Don't even try to justify it or think it doesn't intend to do anything wrong; if he really cared about you, he would never have this kind of behavior.
- There is no need to specify that, if he were to cheat on you, then he would definitely not be the right one for you. It is one thing if he has betrayed you a single time, if he has deeply regretted it and you are making a commitment to forgive him, another thing is if he does it out of habit. If he cheats on you repeatedly, the sooner you leave him the better.
- Even if she doesn't cheat on you and just flirts with others, the fact that she does it in front of you or your friends is a sign of serious disrespect.
Step 2. Remember that he is not the right person if he does not want to be seen around with you
If he were "the right one", in fact, he should be proud to show himself with you in public, to hold your hand, to take you by the arm and to spend time with you, even in the company of his friends or family. If he keeps making excuses for not going out in public or for not meeting his friends, he is probably not looking for a serious relationship. If he's always available to hang out in your bedroom but never wants to take you to the movies, then he's not the right person for you.
- Don't try to justify him or think he's really busy when he refuses to go out. If he really cared, he would try to find a compromise.
- If you have been dating for some time but he has never offered you to meet his friends, then he does not take you seriously.
Step 3. Recognize that he is not the right person for you if he is not willing to change
This doesn't mean, of course, that you have to force him to change his identity, but if you don't like a certain behavior on his part and would like it to change, such as hitting on other girls or never calling you back, then he should be available to try to improve. If he is stubborn, refuses to change and become a more attentive and loving boyfriend, then he is not the right person for you.
It's not easy for a man to change, but he should at least be willing to talk about it. If he gets angry every time you try to discuss an aspect of his character that you don't like, then he is not the right person
Step 4. Recognize that he is not the right person for you if he does not respect your hobbies, personal goals and dreams
If she was the right person, she should respect your love of running, your hard work in nursing school, or the time you spend writing songs. He doesn't have to participate in these activities, but he should at least inform and admire you for the efforts you make and the passion you put into them. If he were the right one, in fact, he would have to appreciate the person you are and the one you want to become.
- If he's trying to downplay your hobbies and make you think they're not important, then he's not the right person for you.
- If he tries to downplay your life goals and make you think that you will never be able to achieve them, then he is not the right person for you.
Step 5. Acknowledge that he is not the right person for you if he cannot be honest with you
This is one of the most important clues as to whether or not it is right for you. If he can't help but lie to you constantly and all you do is discover his lies one after the other, then that's not the right one. If he lies about everything, from where he has been to what he ate for lunch, it should make you realize that he is hiding something from you and that you cannot trust him. If he lies to you, he is not the right person for you.
- If you have evidence that he lied to you and denies it when you tell him about it, remember that this is a negative sign that should be taken very seriously.
- If he respects you, he should be honest with you instead of making you look stupid. Think about it. If he were really the right one, would he feel the need to be dishonest?
Step 6. Recognize that he is not the right person for you if he is not there in difficult times
If he were really "the right one" he would be present in difficult situations as much as in the best moments of your life. If he's always available to go to parties and trips, but disappears from circulation the moment you tell him your grandmother is sick, there's no excuse - he's not the right person for you. Really loving someone means being by their side in good times and bad times: if they run away every time you are in trouble, then they are not the person for you.
Sure, he could act like a true gentleman when you go out on a fun date or chat on the phone. But if he has nothing to say or disappears while you are going through a family crisis or when you lose your job, then he is not the right person. You can find someone who is close to you even in difficult times
Step 7. Recognize that he is not the right person for you if he is violent
If your man is violent, he ends your relationship immediately, no ifs and buts. Don't try to justify a physically or emotionally abusive person with phrases like "He'll never do it again" or "He really loves me, he's just having a hard time." If he raises his hands and hurts you, he is definitely not the right person for you and you should escape from this relationship as soon as possible.
No one has ever said that it is easy to leave an abusive man, especially if you are afraid to take this step. It is important, however, to talk to your friends and family, asking for their help to leave it as soon as possible and in the safest way
Part 3 of 3: Evaluating How You Are Together
Step 1. Recognize that he is not the right person for you if he is not also your best friend
If he was "the right one" you should be able to consider him as your best friend, that is, the person you can say anything to and with whom you feel most comfortable opening up and confiding in yourself. You should consider the man with whom you want to spend the rest of your life as such. Obviously it might take a while, especially if you have many close friends, but remember that, in principle, you should be able to think of him as your best friend.
If you only think about him from a romantic and sentimental point of view, but feel you can't really open up to him, then he's not the right person
Step 2. Recognize that he is not the right person for you if you cannot communicate
All couples have some communication problems, but if you think you can't practically talk without arguing or misunderstanding each other, then he's not the right person for you. If he gets angry every time you try to strike up a serious conversation, then he is not the person for you because he is clearly not willing to have an open and honest relationship with you.
- If you avoid touching important topics or saying what bothers you because you know they won't do anything to fix it, then they aren't the right person for you.
- If you understand that he barely listens to you or even turns to look at you when you try to tell him something important, then he is not the right person for you.
Step 3. Recognize that he is not the right person for you if he does not get along with your friends and family
Although you may not give much importance to this factor at the beginning of a story, when you have been together for some time it will be essential that there is no discord between your man and the people you care about. If he can't get along with any of the people closest to you and who share at least some of your values, or if he doesn't even try, then he's not the right person.
Obviously, it may be impossible for him to get along 100% with all your family and friends, there may be some people he just can't stand. Or you may have a particularly difficult family to please. The most important thing, however, is that he is committed: if he doesn't get along with the people who are important to you and he doesn't seem to care, then he is not the right person
Step 4. Recognize that they are not the right person if you do not feel better being together
The best aspect of having an important relationship with your soul mate is the sense of completeness and well-being that you feel in his company. Your man should make you feel like a better person, he should encourage you to grow and reach your full potential. If you feel that he is trying to belittle you and make you feel worse rather than better, then he is not the right person for you.
- Think about how you've changed since you've been with him. Do you feel you have more self-esteem, are more motivated or simply happier, or have you started to feel less confident and less able to express your potential? If he is hindering your inner growth, then he is not the right person for you.
- Of course, it is equally important that you encourage him to be a better person.
Step 5. Recognize that he is not the right person for you if he does not share your values
If you are planning on spending the rest of your life with this person, you will need to make sure that you feel the same way about several things. It doesn't mean you have to have the same religion or share the same political views (after all, there is certainly some truth in the popular saying that opposites attract), but if you think his worldview is so different from yours that it prevents you from agree on pretty much everything, then he's not the right person for you.
- If you are deeply optimistic and he does nothing but complain and make your mood worse, as if he can't find something to be happy about, he might as well be the right person for you, but ask yourself if you are willing to put up with his attitude towards the rest of your life.
- For example, if you believe a lot in charity and in helping others, while he believes it is a waste of time, try to evaluate how important this aspect is for you.
- Generally, having different political views is not, on its own, a valid motivation for leaving someone; however, in the event that having leftist ideas was very important to you and represented an important part of your identity, then you should ask yourself if you really intend to spend the rest of your life with a person who is against most of your ideas..
Step 6. Recognize that he is not the right person for you if he does not love you for who you are
This is a limit that you absolutely must not exceed. If he was really "the one" he should love you and appreciate you for who you really are. He shouldn't keep telling you that he would like you to be slimmer, that he would like you to dress sexier, talk less, or stop doing the things you enjoy. While you can work hard to grow together and correct each other's flaws, he should be able to appreciate your true identity and encourage you to be who you are instead of trying to change you.
- If he doesn't understand you, criticizes you because you have different opinions from his or want completely different things, then he is not the right person for you.
- If you find that you want to change just to please him, then he is not the right person for you.
- If he doesn't give you the basic respect you deserve, then he's not the right person for you.
