If you like a person who does not respect you, you should take this factor into consideration when evaluating their character and you may even decide to let them go without thinking twice; however, attraction towards someone is not something we can always control and for some reason, the heart continues to insist. So in some cases a brusque and disrespectful character could be attractive in some perverse way because we are in "Red Cross" or "doormat" mode, and we are convinced that we can redeem or change this person for the better.
If you are in this situation, you may be confused and hurt, especially if the person you like continues to offend despite your kindness and thoughtful gestures. In this case, it's time to become aware of his attitude and respect yourself more instead of giving him other chances of being disrespectful towards you. This article will give you some tips on how to leave this person behind and regain self-respect.
Steps
Step 1. Be careful not to get fascinated by the character
Sometimes it is easy to fall in love with the role, position or status this person represents, and not with who they really are and their character. This confusion is hard to get rid of if you are fascinated by what they do, but if you don't try to separate the person from their position you risk falling in love with someone who doesn't exist. to be clearer: if this person has a position of authority, power or respect in something that interests you or that matters a lot to you, be it a job, a passion or a sporting role, maybe you have confused this role or position with what the person actually is. It is a very common mistake in a society where we give too much importance to what people do instead of giving weight to their character.
- For example, Jenna has a crush on Gary. He's the school representative and he really knows how to deal with words, and she would like to have the courage to do the same thing too - so every time Gary talks her heart melts. He is also chief editor of the school newspaper and has a lot of influence within the school. He is constantly surrounded by people who compete for some of his attention. Jenna would also like to be a school representative and would like to be noted for her speaking skills. She knows that Gary is not very kind to her, on the contrary, he has even openly insulted her on several occasions but she thinks he is almost fascinating and interprets it as a sign of intelligence, of sagacity and is convinced that one day he could realize what you too are skilled with words. Jenna is very wrong - she loves what Gary stands for, not the arrogant that he actually is.
- George is falling in love with his boss. She is smart, bright, smart, and there is a rumor in the office that the upper echelons are so impressed with her work that they want to promote her to a management role very soon. However, when she has to point something out to George she is always sarcastic and cutting edge, and she also keeps making him redo any job even though George has always been an excellent employee and his qualities have always been recognized. Anyway George continues to do what she orders him because he is convinced that his boss is smarter than him and that if he continues this way sooner or later she will notice him and they will go out together. Like Jenna, sadly George is wrong too - he is fascinated by the role of his boss by the praises that she receives, ignoring the disrespectful behavior towards her in the hope that one day she will change. It won't change at all, and he will continue to be humiliated.
Step 2. Regain self-respect
If you continue to stand behind a person who does not respect you, you will be stuck in your own insecurities and complete lack of self-esteem. Somehow, you might see this rude and disrespectful person as someone who could fill the emptiness inside of you. In reality, no one can complete you; only you can do it and if you have low self-esteem, little self-respect and a lot of insecurities, then you need to refocus on yourself and your needs instead of continuing to chase someone who shoots at zero on your weaknesses and turns the knife in the sore. Get ready to pull yourself out of this situation and improve your perception of yourself and your worth. Remind yourself that someone who insults or humiliates you does not deserve to be a part of your life.
Step 3. Don't over-analyze his behavior
He probably behaves like this for thousands of reasons, starting with his insecurities and moving on to the constant search for attention. However, your goal is to reach that point where you ask yourself, "What does it matter to me?". You are not her guardian angel, her doctor or her personal trainer. If he has problems, you are not there to save or change him and you risk making excuses to justify his behavior if you keep wondering what makes him behave a certain way. If his attitude towards you is humiliating and hurting you, then you have all the reasons you need to start freeing yourself from this one-way love.
If you have a tendency to be too accommodating to everyone, try reading How to Stop Being Too Pleasant to Others for some advice on how to change this attitude that isn't doing your self-esteem too much
Step 4. Know that you will have to forget this person
A healthy relationship between two people is not possible if one of the two does not respect the other. This is certainly the hardest part of the process, but it is the essential one. If you don't want to put aside your feelings for this person, you will continue to die behind them and not prioritize your needs and respect for yourself.
Step 5. Focus on the aspects you shouldn't like about this person rather than the ones you like
When he has shown disrespectful attitude towards you in different situations, it should be enough to make you understand that he will not stop doing it and that I will always see you in a hostile and rude way. If you continue to justify his attitude or consider him to be something he really isn't, you will fuel his rudeness and irreverence, allowing him to behave in an unacceptable way towards you. Ask yourself how he is humiliating or insulting you. For example: Does it embarrass you in public? Does he make fun of you nonstop? Does it bother you all the time? Does he throw digs at you, especially when other people can hear them too? Does it mimic you? Knowing why you shouldn't feel the desire to bond with this person romantically or otherwise is an essential part of getting through an unhealthy crush.
Step 6. Protect yourself by detaching yourself from this person
You've probably gone out of your way to spend as much time with this person as possible, putting up with their rudeness and insults to stay close to them. Whatever your attitude towards him, he has to change, for your sake. It would be better to completely detach yourself from this person to put the pieces of your self-esteem back together. Here's what you need to do:
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Don't talk to this person. It is clear that it does not deserve your attention.
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If you have her phone number in your contacts, her email in the address book or you can see her profile on various social networks, delete all forms of contact and connection (you can even block her). This will make her understand that you no longer intend to accept what she did and will no longer tolerate her rudeness.
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If she tries to talk to you, don't answer her. Get away. If silence seems too rude to you (on the other hand you don't want to lower yourself to its level) find a polite excuse and walk away.
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If you can't avoid talking to us (maybe you work together), keep the contact strictly professional and limit communications to what is strictly necessary. You may also want to take note of any insults both personally and related to your job and discuss the matter with your boss or someone else. Try to change the way you see this person and make them go from being all-out crush to an extremely annoying person.
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Step 7. Stop talking about this person with others
Don't gossip and don't talk behind her back. This way you play the same game as her and don't reinforce respect for yourself and your character. When someone asks you what happened between you, you might say something like "I was tired of his attitude". Or you could say that both of you have realized that you don't have much to tell each other and therefore your interactions are reduced to a bare minimum. Actually it's not business that should be of interest to others, so you might as well say, “Why do you want to know? I don't want to talk about it. ".
Step 8. Get help from your family, friends, or even colleagues you trust
Cutting off contact with someone always hurts, especially if you fantasize about their potential role in your life and have spent a lot of energy getting closer to them and being seen in a better light. You may still have feelings for this person and it is natural, but it is not a good reason to fall into old patterns of behavior. Organize outings with trusted friends to forget this person, spend time with people who see and appreciate the good in you and support you, whether you are successful or not in every situation. Allow yourself to see what you are like when you are surrounded by people who respect you and don't cause you pain.
Step 9. Move on with your life in a more positive and self-centered way
Be careful in the future how you interact with people who cross your path and don't allow your heart to get involved in the crazy idea of redeeming or saving someone. People only change if they really want it. Also, imagining someone coming in and seeing the real you implies that the real you isn't glowing enough to begin with, so spending time polishing the real you might be your top priority right now. We are attracted to and attract people like us, so sometimes we are attracted to a person who reveals something we disown about ourselves. It is important to reflect on the fact that a very negative person has fascinated you, because it says a lot about how you perceive yourself. You you deserve more and you need to constantly remind yourself of it until it becomes second nature, as well as working on those aspects of yourself that you need to look after more carefully.
- Stand straight and believe in yourself. The moment you choose this path you will attract people like you who will share your positivity and who will appreciate your strengths and your personality. It may seem difficult now, but it is the only effective way to attract a person who sees the real you - to be a person who is not afraid to express himself and expects respect from others.
- Read How to Defend Yourself for a few more ideas.
Advice
- A person who doesn't respect you doesn't need you in any way. She may continue to absorb the attention you give her, but it won't change her attitude one iota. On the contrary, constant attention despite insults and disrespect will reinforce his belief that he can treat you like a doormat, with no regard for your feelings and your dignity. Close with this person, no matter what your heart says.
- As part of your posting process, try calling this person back for their comment or attitude and see what happens. Call her back about her bad behavior so she has to change it. You'll likely throw her off and she'll get defensive. She may also get you to notice your attitude, giving you a chance to admit that you should have reprimanded her earlier for her insults and misplaced behavior, but that now you have found the courage and are doing it. Don't attack her as a person, just point out what happened in certain situations where she said hurtful things.
- When a person is mean to you, it's not an invitation to do the same. Even if it feels great at first, it's counterproductive and doesn't make anyone feel better (and you should know well, since you've been through it before). He still remains a person, however cruel he may be.
- Act like you've never met this person. Your life will go on and its punishment will come sooner or later. Even if karma does not intervene, it does not matter because you have to focus on being the best person you can become, not on what happens to him.
Warnings
- In case he apologizes, the reason is completely selfish: not to get in trouble. He is embarrassed, in a situation that highlights his failures. If he is truly repentant, then he will have to face all the consequences of his behavior towards you and his actions. He will list everything he has done and always through facts he will show his repentance and tell how his actions have harmed you. He won't offer anything specific to make up for it ("I'm taking you to Hawaii!"). In this case it's probably just a way to undo what he did and hide his mistake.
- If this person threatens or stalks you, immediately alert the authorities.
- Do not reconnect with this person, even if they call you to tell you how sorry they are and that it will never happen again. In most cases it is just a ploy to bond you back to her / him.
- Remember that most people are afraid to admit their failures and mistakes. They will try to hide them, instead of facing them as mature people.
