Telling a person something they don't want to hear, or confessing that they have done something, can be one of the hardest things to do. Succeeding, however, can be rewarding for both parties involved.
Steps
Step 1. If your confession is upsetting, or if the person you are talking to is easily upset, meeting in a neutral place may help
See yourself in a bar for a coffee, or a bookshop, or a restaurant. The environment will prevent tempers from getting too excited.
Step 2. Wait until you are seated and comfortable before starting the conversation
For example, don't say, "I guess you are wondering why I asked you to meet us right here" while you are at the bar.
Step 3. Start the conversation with something from your heart
You might say something like, "I asked you to come here because I have to confess something, and I feel bad for keeping it from you," or, "There is something you should know." Sincerity softens any blow. Even when it comes to betrayal, total sincerity helps.
Step 4. You could then go on to say that even though many are dishonest with each other, your relationship with the other person is too important to you, and you won't be able to keep lying
Step 5. Your interlocutor will probably be a little anxious at this point, so move on to the next step
Step 6. Tell the truth
Make your confession, whatever it is. "I lied to you about my work experiences"; "I kept hiding from you that I have a gambling problem"; "I kept it from you that I am still in contact with my ex", etc.
Step 7. Explain right away how guilty you feel for keeping this secret
"I'm terribly sorry for keeping you in the dark."
Step 8. If applicable, explain that you noticed that the other person realized something was wrong
"I know you had some suspicions."
Step 9. Explain why you felt the need to hide what you did
Whatever the reason, you have to be honest.
Step 10. Apologize, again
You must understand and accept the reaction of your interlocutor, even if it should be negative; it is a possibility that you took responsibility for the moment you decided to lie.
Step 11. Tell your interlocutor (before he asks you, if possible) that this situation has been very difficult for you, and that from now on you will always be honest
Step 12. If you are confessing something that happened a long time ago, you need to take a few preliminary steps
Bring up the subject before making your confession, and see what the reaction is. If it's very negative, confess as soon as possible. If the reaction isn't that bad, follow the steps above, as fast as you like, but try not to wait more than a week.
Advice
- Don't try to blame your lies on someone else. Accept your responsibilities and face the consequences.
- Try to stay calm. If the other person gets angry, don't react. Try to keep the situation calm, you will both benefit.
- Admit you lied as soon as possible. The level of trust in your relationship will drop anyway, but it's always better early rather than late.
- If you don't have many opportunities to meet, write down what you would like to say. Write a letter, about one page long, explaining in detail why you lied and asking for forgiveness. The next time you see the other person, make your confession, tell them that you are very sorry, that you had your reasons but that you realize they are just excuses. Then hand over the letter, and explain that it contains your reasons. Apologize again, and hope for the best.
- If the lie is about something that happened a long time ago, and you've gotten closer and closer in the meantime, don't be afraid. Unless it's something really big, the other person will probably take it well. Trust me, we all know how difficult it is to make a confession, and if the other person truly cares about you, they will forgive you.
