Everyone has experienced this feeling at least once. You know you have everything you should be grateful for in life: an important person by your side, a loving family, a good job, a healthy, functioning body. Nonetheless, you feel this overwhelming feeling of frustration, as if what you have is not enough. Sure, you might be happier by making some changes in your life, but the easiest way to feel better and appreciate what you have is to change your perspective and routine. So how do you start enjoying the sun instead of complaining about sunburn? By following these steps.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Part One: Changing Perspective
Step 1. Live in the present
The happiest people are those who are able to enjoy their present rather than remain anchored in the past or become obsessed with what the future holds for them. It is true that reflecting on the past can help us learn from our mistakes and focus on the future, while thinking about the future can help us plan goals and make long-term projects, yet to be happy with what we have, we must also know how to appreciate this we're doing right now.”Focus on what this day is giving you rather than thinking about what happened yesterday or how much you might change tomorrow.
- Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. Focus on the precise moment you are living and all your worries will disappear. Be patient, this exercise takes some practice.
- You can also meditate or do yoga to help you stay focused on the present rather than worrying about the future.
Step 2. Be grateful for what you have
Instead of focusing on everything you miss or want, take a minute to think about how lucky you are compared to the majority of people out there. While your life may not be perfect, there are certainly some things you can feel truly grateful for, be it your wonderful family, your wonderful friends, the beautiful romance you are having, your health, your job., the beautiful city where you live or your beloved home. Chances are you don't have all of these things (hardly anyone has them all!), But surely some of them are a part of your life and are enough to be thankful every day.
- Write a list of things to be thankful for every Sunday to remind yourself of all the good things in your life.
- Take the time to thank the people who help you; you can do it in person or write a letter.
- Spend more time surrounded by nature. This will make you feel even more grateful, reminding you how much beauty surrounds you.
Step 3. Appreciate the little things
Feel grateful for the air you breathe, the food that feeds you, the quiet of your home. Every little detail counts in life. Focus on these little things and think about the luck of being alive. Reflect on the love your dog has for you, at the bakery down the street where you usually have a great breakfast, the beautiful climate of your region or your wonderful library full of books. There is no need to think of something stellar, just focus on small things that will help you realize how much happiness you surround yourself.
Even if you've had a terrible day, try to think of three little things that made it worth living. Maybe you've received an unexpected email from an old friend, you've had a nice conversation with your neighbor, or had a great coffee for breakfast
Step 4. Take the time to reflect
Many people are not happy with their life because they don't stop to consider everything that happens around them. You can do this by writing a diary at the end of the day or once a week; maybe take long walks to relax or just sit in the middle of nature to think about what happened to you during the day. This doesn't mean getting down on yourself, overthinking, or focusing on all the things that went wrong. However, take the time to rationally evaluate everything that happens in your life.
Getting used to reflection is useful for thinking rationally when a problem arises, thus preventing difficulties from catching us off guard
Step 5. Don't compare yourself to anyone
It's another way to be unhappy. Don't think about how big your neighbor's house is, your friend's good job, and don't compare your troubled relationship with your best friend's perfect one. You cannot change what happens to others and you will not go anywhere by comparing yourself with them, rather focus on your life and what makes it up.
- You will always find someone happier, healthier, richer and more beautiful than you. But why should you care?
- You may be very envious of your friend's relationship, but he may envy your wonderful career. There is always something to be jealous of, but others also find reasons to envy you. If you completely stop comparing yourself to the people around you, you will be doing yourself a nice favor.
- If you go to Facebook just to find out who's engaged, who's got a new job, who's gone on vacation, and so on, it's time to quit. Because of social media, you will get the feeling that whatever you have, it will never be enough.
Step 6. Pretend an attitude until you are convinced that it is true
Even if you are feeling down, don't walk around downcast, complaining, telling all your friends how bad you feel and with the expression of someone about to cry. Instead, you should try to be even more brilliant, very friendly, making an effort to talk to people and make them smile. It doesn't mean that you have to hide the deepest sadness and serious reasons for a pain, but if you are feeling a little down without a serious reason, you should make an extra effort to look happy. You will be surprised to find out how quickly this "fiction" will trick your mind and make you feel happier!
Sure sharing your problems with a friend can help you solve them. But getting angry and complaining to everyone who hears you will only make you feel worse
Step 7. Also take the time to listen to your sadness
Dr. David Spiegel, director of the Center for Integrative Medicine at Stanford University, reminds us that "happiness is not the absence of sadness." This means that you can be happy even when dealing with negative emotions and indulging in crying. Pretending to be spirited when you are experiencing something really serious does not make you happier.
- Some suffering will make you appreciate the best things in your life, making you even more grateful for what you have.
- By talking to friends about your sadness, you will have the feeling that you have more control over your life, which will make you happier.
Step 8. Know that money doesn't change things as much as you think
Certainly having more money will change appearances, but the fundamentals will remain the same. You may be driving a fancy car, owning nicer clothes, having a bigger house with three guest rooms, but in the long run you won't be happy anymore. If you have enough money to pay for basic necessities and have some fun, more income won't have an exorbitant effect on your happiness.
Sure, renovating your wardrobe would make you feel better in the short term, but over time you will remain the same person, only dressed better
Step 9. Have sincere compassion for others
Tenzin Gyatso, the fourteenth Dalai Lama, said, "If you want others to be happy, practice compassion; if you want to be happy, practice compassion." Part of happiness lies in making connections with others and recognizing the suffering of others. Building compassion for others will help you build stronger relationships, not obsess over yourself and feel less alone in the world. The next time you are with someone else, consider things from their point of view rather than worrying about what you look like, and you will immediately feel happier.
It takes practice to develop compassion. The more time you spend with people, the faster you will acquire this form of empathy
Step 10. Remember that happiness is a choice
Some people measure it by considering their career, car, or bank savings. Happiness, however, cannot be determined by anything material. It is a choice, we can be happy regardless of what life offers us. Start working on it by telling yourself "I'm happy to be who I am".
- Being happier today, according to a study, is also an indicator of the contentment you will experience in the future. So choosing to be happy has effects that go beyond the present.
- Several studies also reveal that happier people have fewer health problems. This decision therefore also affects physical well-being.
Part 2 of 3: Part Two: Change your Actions
Step 1. Don't let the sun go down on anger
Some people think that if something makes you angry, you should say it right away to prevent the feeling of rage from escalating. Of course, in some cases it is true, but other times anger is a passing feeling that disappears by going to bed and forgetting what has bothered us. The next time something not very serious is bothering you, ask yourself "Does this really deserve to be highlighted?" or "Will I care so much when I'm in a different mood?" If the answer is no, don't dwell on this emotion.
Certainly there are those who think that one should never go to bed angry. Others, on the other hand, believe that if you stop giving importance and talking about everything that bothers you, you get less angry
Step 2. Simplify your life
People who rejoice in their lives typically don't have many things to worry about. They only have what they need, they don't have a wardrobe full of clothes. They have a car in the family, rather than two or three, so they don't have to worry too much about maintenance costs. They have a credit card instead of three, four close friends instead of 50 acquaintances and they focus on the few things they love instead of engaging in a lot of things they are only marginally interested in.
- Look around. Do you really need so many pairs of shoes? Two types of iPods? Three calendars hanging on the desk? Whenever you can delete something, do it.
- Tidying up is another way to make life easier. Clean all surfaces and drawers, both at work and at home, eliminating everything you don't need. You will feel like you are taking a breath and you will be happier with what you have.
Step 3. Pursue your passion
People who love their life spend time doing the things they love. If you have a passion that you are not pursuing, then it is clear that you are not happy with what you have. And if you don't know what your passion is, looking for it can lead you to feel better about your life. Get used to doing the things you love for as long as possible. Otherwise, if you don't know what you like, spend that time finding it.
- If there is nothing pushing you, you will not feel satisfied.
- In some cases you may have the opportunity to turn your passion into a career (as in the case of photography). If that were the case, it would be even more rewarding and would make you particularly happy.
Step 4. Stop aiming for the best
If you want to enjoy your life, you need to know how to be happy with what you have, whether it's a nice home or a wonderful family dinner, instead of always looking for ways to make your life better. Seeking perfection is a "guarantee" of unhappiness: it will make you feel worse and worse, less adequate, regardless of what you have.
- As the Rolling Stones used to say "you can't always get what you want / but if you try sometimes / you'll get what you need". These are words to remember. Don't obsess about owning the most beautiful things, rather focus on being happy with what you have.
- Of course, you can always find a better version of anything, be it an Apple device or a new car. Seeking perfection will take you to the end of your strength, making you an eternal miser.
Step 5. Take the time to connect with people
It has been shown that relating to others makes people more fulfilled. Meaningful relationships are among the most important things in life, they will make you feel less alone and more capable of overcoming problems. Whether you're spending time with your best friend, or chatting with your neighbor, a conversation and interaction, however small, feels better.
- Stop making excuses. Nobody is too busy to have a social life. Try to connect with others at least twice a week.
- If there is someone who is particularly important to you, don't take them for granted. Take the time to create important memories and to have heartfelt conversations with the one you love.
Step 6. Find time for yourself
Taking a nice warm bath, lighting a scented candle while listening to your favorite music or just lying on the sofa to watch your favorite show are good examples of quality time spent on yourself. These are times when you don't need to spend money, but it's a way to have fun focusing on yourself. Remember that you are important and deserve to be pampered.
- Pampering yourself a little is important and helps you feel better.
- Don't let a friend's impromptu steal the time you have reserved for yourself. Protect your time as if you were planning on spending an evening with your favorite star.
Step 7. Make major changes in your life as needed
Of course, changing your outlook and attitude can go a long way in making you happier; but what to do if there is a real obstacle in your way? If that's the case, you won't be able to enjoy your life if you don't fix the problem. Think long and hard about what stands between you and your happiness. If there is a solution, find a way to put it into practice. Here are some examples:
- If you are unhappy because you feel uninspired or unappreciated doing your current job, ask for a promotion, look for something new, or think about how to completely change your path.
- If you're having a terrible relationship, whether it's the love of your life or a difficult relationship with a close friend, it may be time to cut it out.
- If you are particularly overweight and that is holding you back from doing what you want to do, it may be time to change your lifestyle by making it healthier.
Part 3 of 3: Part Three: Develop Habits of Happy People
Step 1. Help others
Happy people are not only happy with their lives but also love to improve the lives of others. You don't have to work in a canteen, making soup for the homeless, if it's not your thing, but you can help others regularly, whether it's by volunteering at a local bookstore, helping a friend study for her math exam, or giving help your younger brother find a summer job. Even the little things can make a lot of difference in someone else's life and you will feel happier.
Helping others will make you focus less on yourself and everything you don't have
Step 2. Love yourself
This is an important factor because you have to be able to love yourself before you can love others. The first step is to get to know you. Determine who you really are and what makes you happy. This will help you love yourself and appreciate the little things in your life.
There is nothing wrong with recognizing your flaws and understanding that you are not perfect. Working to fix as many defects as possible will help you feel better
Step 3. Try doing something completely new and different than usual
This will open your mind and help you have a less rigid view of life in general. Whether you are learning to cook, taking dance lessons or skydiving, mixing things up will make you feel happier because you will be less focused on your usual methods. Find a new hobby, go out with a new friend, or just walk somewhere new; you will feel happier because they are all, however, ways to change your perspective.
One of the reasons people feel unhappy is the tiredness of doing the same things. Doing at least one completely new one a week can help you keep an elastic point of view
Step 4. Enjoy failures
If you want to be happy, you have to completely fail at something. It can be cooking a complicated pasta dish, organizing a themed party, or making a clay pot. Making mistakes gets you used to accepting failures and throwing yourself into new things anyway. Doing badly in front of others also leads you to take yourself less seriously and, consequently, to face life with more irony.
Failing from time to time reminds you that you don't have to be perfect in whatever you feel, and this will undoubtedly make you feel happier
Step 5. Date people who live well
If you want to enjoy your life, you need to surround yourself with people who have a good influence on you. They will teach you how to approach life, show you that there are many different ways to be happy, and maybe give you some tips on how to cope with difficult situations. If you surround yourself with people who are always happy, you will be happier yourself.
If you spend all your time with petulant people who are only looking for new reasons to complain about their lives, you will be much more likely to find reasons to be unhappy too
Step 6. Avoid gossip
Gossip and the habit of badmouthing others will make you feel better momentarily, because it allows you to focus on others' problems, but if you were truly happy with your life, you would not need the troubles of others to feel better. In fact, gossip will only fill you with poison, make you look like an untrustworthy person, and bring no real reason to your life to feel better.
Whenever you open your mouth to say something bad about someone, ask yourself if you can say something positive about that person instead. If you can't, don't say anything
Step 7. Exercise regularly
You may feel too tired or lazy to go to the gym, but you have to put in the effort. Exercising regularly, even if it's only a 20-minute walk to the store, will instantly make you feel happier. Your body will produce endorphins which will help you have a better perspective, giving you more energy for daily activities.
Try to exercise for at least 30 minutes a day, preferably an hour, to feel happier and healthier
Step 8. Address your personal problems
Happy people know when something is wrong and deal with the situation. Unhappy people let problems escalate until they become unsustainable. If you know you are in a crisis with a family member or friend, try to resolve the conflict and move on with your life, without waiting for the weeks to pass until you reach the breaking point.
- You don't need to clash to have an adult conversation about the things that are bothering you.
- At the same time, you should avoid resentment. Don't be angry about what people have done in the past, even if it hurt or bothered you. If that has already passed, go further.
Step 9. Find a purpose in life
Sure, that's easier said than done, but ultimately it's a habit that sets happy people apart. If you want to enjoy your life and what it offers you, you need to give meaning to your days to make them worth living. It doesn't have to be a career on the rise, all glitter and success. It can be a loving wife, or the joy of being a fantastic part-time teacher. It can be the beautiful rose in your garden, or the chance to travel. Whatever it is, it can excite you every time you wake up, making you happy when you go to bed.
