A self-harming person intentionally harms himself in order to deal with difficult emotions or situations that choke him. These practices can make her feel better momentarily and help her overcome difficulties in the short term. However, in the long run, self-harm makes the situation worse and poses a real danger. There is no magic potion to stop hurting yourself. Also, changing is complicated and it's easy to fall back into the trap of old habits. The healing process takes time, so it's possible to have relapses. If that happens, it's important to be kind to yourself and not blame yourself. Deciding to take the road to recovery is already a huge step forward.
Steps
Part 1 of 6: Immediate Actions to Stop Hurting Yourself
Step 1. Try to be around people
If you feel the urge to hurt yourself, you may want to go to a place that allows you to be with other people. Just go to the living room to be with your family or roommates. You may decide to go to a public place, such as a bar or park. Whatever you do, wherever you are, make sure you stop before you hurt yourself. Surround yourself with people.
Step 2. Call someone
If you're home alone or can't go out, call someone to talk to, such as a relative, trusted friend, or a specialized call center. There are several numbers to call: receptionists give useful information to people who suffer from self-harm and offer resources to help them.
- Writing a list of people you can call is helpful.
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Make sure you save these phone numbers:
- A. F. I. Pre. S. Marco Saura: 800 01 11 10. This association offers assistance, among other things, for the prevention of self-harm. The yellow number is available 24 hours a day, so you can call to let off steam when you're on the verge of hurting yourself or in an emergency situation.
- Friendly Phone: 199 284 284. You can call from 10 to 24.
- Samaritans: 800 86 00 22. Calling this association can also help you in difficult times.
- You can also try talking to an inanimate object, pet, photograph, or poster. They allow you to let off steam and don't judge you for your actions.
Step 3. If you are at risk of suicide, seek help immediately
Call the Samaritans switchboard (800 86 00 22) or an ambulance. Here are some red flags:
- You say you want to die or commit suicide.
- You are looking for a way to commit suicide.
- You claim to feel lost.
- You say you have no reason to live.
Step 4. Draw on your body with a marker
If your mind is having thoughts of a self-harming nature, this is a good alternative. Draw on the spot where you think you will harm yourself. The ink will not leave scars.
Step 5. Distract yourself
When you have a self-harming urge, a distraction is helpful in avoiding it. You can get distracted as soon as you feel the urge to hurt yourself or as soon as you recognize that you are hurting yourself and want to stop. It is important to understand what kinds of distractions are effective in various situations. Sometimes the triggering cause changes depending on your mood or context, so the answer to avoid or stop harming yourself is also different:
- Dye your hair.
- Make a cup of tea.
- Count up to 500 or 1000.
- Play a puzzle or other mind game.
- Go out and watch the people on the street.
- Play an instrument.
- Watch television or a movie.
- Apply nail polish.
- Tidy up the books, closet, and so on.
- Make origami to keep your hands busy.
- Do you practice any sport.
- Take a walk.
- Create a choreography.
- Do an art project or color a book.
Step 6. Wait
When you have a self-harming urge, putting it off is effective in breaking this cycle. First, wait 10 minutes. See if the impulse passes. If you still feel it, wait another 10 minutes.
Step 7. Think consciously about your actions
When you have the urge to hurt yourself, talk to yourself. Think back to your possible choices:
- Tell yourself you don't want scars.
- Remember that you don't have to hurt yourself just because you're thinking about it.
- Tell yourself that you don't deserve to hurt yourself, even if you don't really believe it.
- Remember that you always have the choice not to cut yourself. The decision is up to you.
Step 8. Remove dangerous objects from your home
Eliminate everything you use to harm yourself. Throw away knives, lighters and so on (even hidden things).
- Throwing everything in the trash may not be enough. Make sure you have absolutely no access to these things. Give it to someone else to get rid of it for good.
- You could also organize a symbolic "funeral" for the items you harm yourself with. Burn them, throw them away or bury them by saying aloud, "I don't need you anymore."
Part 2 of 6: Understanding the Triggers of Self-Harming Impulses
Step 1. Understand the different forms of self-harm
There are numerous. These practices can range from physical harm (such as cutting oneself) to placing oneself in risky or dangerous situations (such as driving under the influence of drugs). Neglecting one's own needs (such as not taking prescribed medications) is also a form of self-harm.
- Self-harm may or may not have suicidal intent.
- Also, self-harm could be a symptom of another disorder, such as depression, anxiety, or other psychological conditions.
Step 2. Understand that self-harm is an addictive practice
This behavior has been found to be addictive. When you or someone you know gets hurt, your body releases endorphins - the chemicals of well-being. It is difficult to break this cycle of actions, especially when you are looking for an alternative that favors the release of the same substances. It can take several attempts to find the right solution or a combination of remedies that are right for you.
Step 3. Find out the reasons why you hurt yourself
The reason a person has self-injurious tendencies varies depending on their situation. One of the most common reasons? Intentionally harming yourself allows you to find some relief from intense emotions, such as anger, guilt, anxiety, isolation, pain, or despair. Self-harm can also be considered an expression of these moods. Another reason is to dominate your body, especially when you feel out of control. Some people hurt themselves to feel something in moments of numbness. Finally, the problem can be caused by a reaction to trauma or other disorders, such as anxiety and depression.
Identifying the triggers is one of the first steps towards recovery. If the underlying causes are not analyzed and treated, the need to harm oneself to address certain problems will remain
Part 3 of 6: Changing a Tendentially Negative Way of Thinking
Step 1. Recognize your thoughts
To understand the way of thinking that led to self-harm, you must first become aware of your thoughts. The thought process is a habit. To lose the habit of thinking negatively, you need to become aware of counterproductive and harmful thoughts.
Step 2. Keep a journal
It is an effective tool for understanding the triggers and your way of thinking. Writing down what you feel will help you identify patterns that lead to self-harm. Also, keeping a journal allows you to let off steam, share your emotions and process your thoughts.
- Write when you feel the urge to hurt yourself or when you actually do harm to yourself. Try to describe the situation, thoughts, feelings, or emotions you experienced. You may also have observed physical sensations, such as increased energy, abdominal tension, or other. Write what happened just before you hurt yourself.
- Keeping a journal may reveal what situations trigger the urge to hurt yourself. Here are some of them: problems with schoolmates or co-workers (including bullying or cyberbullying), pressure at school, feeling of social isolation, abuse, sexual confusion or family problems.
- The goal is to become aware of your own way of thinking rather than passively dealing with negative thoughts that lead to self-harming behavior.
Step 3. Evaluate your reasoning
The next step to combat negative thoughts is to evaluate your reasoning. Are your thoughts real? Take a look at the paper on which you record your thoughts (more on this at the end of this section) and consider if you have experienced similar situations in the past. Did you learn anything? What were the long-term consequences? Did you handle a situation differently?
- A good way to evaluate negative thoughts is to look for words like "I should" or "I must". Sentences that have these verbs are usually negative and critical of yourself.
- If you doubt the truthfulness of your thoughts, ask a trusted friend or relative.
Step 4. Stop negative thoughts
Another technique is to suspend the flow of negative thoughts. Imagine they are stopped by a red light or a noise. Your goal is to stop negative thoughts and remind yourself of your way of thinking. At that point, you will notice that it will be characterized by a greater sense of control and awareness.
To stop the thoughts, you can make a physical change, for example starting an activity. Go for a walk, talk to a friend, read a book, or do a household chore
Step 5. Replace negativity with positivity
When negative thoughts arise, you need to counter them with positive affirmations. Take the log of your thoughts (more will be discussed at the end of the section) and write positive alternative sentences.
For example, if you think, "I always spoil dinners because I arrive too late," you can counter the thought with a positive phrase, such as: "I am a loving person because I like to bring flowers to the hostess."
Step 6. Use cognitive behavioral therapy by recording your thoughts on a paper
This type of log allows you to go through various steps to recognize negative thoughts and understand how to replace them with positive ones.
- This log reminds you of the questions you need to ask about your thought processes, including describing a situation, identifying what you are reacting to, looking at the issue from an external perspective, evaluating whether the statement or situation is real and how you can to react.
- Many registry templates based on cognitive-behavioral therapy are available online. Click here and here.
Part 4 of 6: Learning Positive Coping Techniques
Step 1. Try to have positive conversations with yourself
Pay attention to the dialogues you engage in with your inner voice and the way you address yourself. The inner voice has a great impact on a person's motivation, mindset, self-esteem and general well-being. Positive internal dialogue is effective for gaining greater confidence, developing a healthier lifestyle, and fighting negative thoughts. Here are some examples:
- "I am lovable".
- "I'm special".
- "I'm sure".
- "I can achieve my goals".
- "I am a beautiful person".
- "Hurting me won't solve my problems."
- "I can overcome my anger, my sadness and my anxiety without hurting myself."
- "Right now I can confide in someone."
- "I can seek support".
- Remember these phrases by writing them on post-its or posting messages to a mirror.
- If you find it hard to believe abstract phrases like "I'm special" or "I'm sure", you don't have to use them for now. Instead, use positive phrases that focus on the behavior you intend to acquire. The following statements may give you more specific guidance: "Right now I can confide in someone" and "Hurting me won't solve my problems."
- Positive internal dialogues should not be mechanically stimulated by external factors. Instead, you should use them just when you think they are useful.
Step 2. Create a kit full of items that will allow you to cope with difficult times
Fill a container with items that can help you overcome self-harming urges. They will remind you of the good things in your life. They can also help you channel your energies towards something constructive, like creating art. Here are some examples:
- Pictures of friends, family or pets.
- Diary.
- Artistic items.
- Inspiring phrases.
- Music or lyrics.
Step 3. Talk to loved ones you trust
You don't have to wait until you feel the need to talk. Share your ups and downs with close friends and family. Take advantage of their support. When you have a self-defeating urge, the best thing you can do is let off steam to someone.
- Verbalizing your feelings is complicated. Sometimes it's easier to vent moods like sadness, anger, or loneliness through self-harm. However, to have good long-term results, it is important to address the triggers.
- If you hurt yourself, it can be embarrassing and difficult to talk about. Perhaps you fear that others will judge you or pressure you to investigate. However, it is important to share any concerns you have about your life with your loved ones. They want to help you.
Step 4. Write a letter
If you have trouble expressing yourself verbally, write a letter or message to a friend or relative. This can help you communicate your thoughts without saying them out loud.
Step 5. To calm down, try the five senses technique
Learning new ways to help release endorphins (the same chemicals that are released when you hurt yourself) is part of the healing process. Calming techniques are effective for taking care of yourself, focusing on the here and now. The benefit of the five senses technique? It allows you to reach a state of mind which in turn will allow you to deal with the painful or extreme feelings that lead to self-harm.
- Get in a comfortable position. You can sit on the floor with your legs crossed or in a chair, with your feet flat on the ground.
- Start becoming aware of your breathing. Focus on every single part of it (inhale, hold and exhale). You don't have to breathe in particular ways.
- Then, extend awareness to your five senses (sight, hearing, taste, smell and touch).
- Focus on one sense at a time by spending about a minute on it.
- Hearing: what sounds do you hear around you? Focus on the outside sounds (do you hear cars go by, people talking, birds chirping?). Focus on the internal sounds (can you hear your breathing or stomach digesting?). As you dwell on your hearing, do you notice anything you have never noticed before?
- Smell: what can you hear? Are there any foods next to you? You may notice smells that you have never noticed before, such as that of paper in books. Try closing your eyes. Sometimes this helps to decrease visual distractions, making the other senses more acute.
- Sight - what do you see? It is easy to superficially see the sofa or desk. Pay attention to details such as colors, patterns, shapes and textures.
- Flavor: what can you taste? Even if you don't have food in your mouth, you can still do it. Feel the aftertaste left by a previously consumed drink or dish. Run your tongue over your teeth and cheeks to gain greater awareness.
- Touch: without changing position, what do you feel? Feel the sensation of your skin touching your clothes while sitting in the chair and your feet flat on the floor. Feel the texture of the clothing or seat.
Step 6. Try meditation or prayer
Meditation has been shown to be effective in fostering positive emotions, satisfaction, health and happiness. In addition, it fights anxiety, stress and depression. There are many types of meditation, but the common goal is to calm the mind. The following example is a simple meditation exercise that can help initiate a mental calm process.
- Sit down and make yourself comfortable.
- Pick a single point and focus on it. It can be visual (like a candle flame), auditory (like a single repeating word or prayer) or tactile (like counting the beads of a rosary). Keep your focus on this thing.
- As you focus, your mind will wander. When you find your thoughts wandering, let them go, then bring your concentration back to the focal point. It may seem easy, but focusing is hard. If you can only do this for a few minutes at first, don't feel disappointed.
Step 7. Try breathing exercises
Breathing is a natural action that you can control. According to research, practicing breathing has a positive impact on the "fight or flight" stress response. The same reaction can be triggered when a self-harming urge is felt. Acquiring this ability can help you take control of the triggers. Try the following breathing exercise:
- Inhale for a count of five. Hold your breath for a count of five. Exhale for a count of five.
- As you count, focus on every single step of the breath.
- Another way to focus on your breath is to use a deflated balloon. Inflate it and watch it deflate.
Step 8. Use mental representations to create a "safe place"
These images should be peaceful or make you rethink a happy memory. Sometimes it's easier to print them, so you can focus on them better.
Step 9. Try progressive muscle relaxation (RMP)
It is a coping exercise that focuses on the contraction and relaxation of different muscle groups. One of its benefits is that it helps you become more aware of your physical sensations.
- Get into a comfortable position that allows you to focus on different muscle groups. Most people find it easier to start by sitting down or lying down.
- Focus on a muscle group that you can contract, then relax it. Some of the most common areas are the face, hands, arms, belly, torso, legs and feet.
- To start with your face, imagine you're eating a lemon. Feel the tension on your lips, cheeks, jaw, forehead and eyes. When you bite into a lemon, your face wrinkles around your nose, your eyes close and your lips curl. Then, focus on relaxing all of these muscles. It can help you imagine eating something sweet. Think about how your facial muscles relax when you eat a food you like.
- To work on your shoulders and back, imagine you are a cat. Think about how felines arch their backs and stretch their legs. Imitate them. Roll your shoulders towards your ears and arch your back. You can also get on all fours to create a more pronounced arch. Then, relax and sit back as usual.
- For the abdomen, it is easier to lie on your back. Imagine that you have placed a heavy ball on your abdominal area. Breathe deeply and relax these muscles.
- Contract and relax your feet. You can do it anywhere, even with your shoes on. Curl your toes, then stretch them as far as possible. Relax them.
Step 10. Walk around practicing mindfulness meditation
Walk that is, making conscious movements. One of the benefits of this walk is to teach you to become aware in everyday life. Also, sitting and meditating in the traditional way can be difficult for some. Walking is a more active form of meditation. You can also benefit from other benefits for your psychophysical well-being.
As you walk, observe every single step. What sensations do you feel in the foot area? What sensations do your feet give you while they are in your shoes? Focus on your breathing. Observe your surroundings - stop and enjoy the moment
Part 5 of 6: Asking a Professional for Help
Step 1. If you are at risk of suicide (or someone else is), get help immediately
Call Samaritans (800 86 00 22) or an ambulance. If you're worried about a loved one, here are some red flags:
- He says he wants to die or commit suicide.
- Look for a way to commit suicide.
- She says she is desperate.
- He claims he has no reason to continue living.
Step 2. Get help from a specialist
A psychologist or psychotherapist can help you understand difficult emotions and overcome trauma. This professional is trained and experienced in the industry, so he can help you overcome problems that lead to self-harming behaviors.
- Ask your primary care physician for a referral to a psychotherapist or psychologist who specializes in self-harm. Make an appointment to explain your situation. If you have a hard time being honest with a trusted friend or relative, you may find it liberating and comforting to share your emotions with a stranger.
- If you are going through truly difficult life experiences, such as abuse or a traumatic accident, or your emotions are so overwhelming that you have to cut or hurt yourself, the best place to express what you feel is in a safe, neutral and impartial environment..
Step 3. Look for a self-help group
You may find one in your city. This group can help you identify, verbalize, and deal with the feelings associated with self-harm.
On the internet, you can search for a nearby self-help group. Visit the website www.sibric.it
Step 4. If you have any other complaints, talk to your doctor
Some self-harming individuals may have other mental health conditions, such as depression, substance abuse, eating disorders, schizophrenia, or personality disorders. If you think you have another medical condition that is contributing to self-harm, talk to your doctor or therapist.
Step 5. Be honest
When you go to the therapist, tell him honestly what you feel or what happened. Remember he is there to help you. If you're not honest, you risk the therapy won't work and you won't get the care you actually need. It is important to tell the truth. Remember that psychotherapy is private, so everything you say will not come out of the specialist's office, unless you intend to seriously harm yourself or someone else.
Part 6 of 6: Turn the Page
Step 1. Celebrate the milestones
In the fight against addiction, it is important to stop for a moment and celebrate your achievements. Every single day you go through without hurting yourself should be celebrated as if it were a victory. At the end of the first week, celebrate by indulging in a treat or hanging out with your friends.
Start postponing the intermediate stages. At first, it celebrates after a few days, then on a weekly, monthly and yearly basis. Perhaps for some time you will continue to struggle with destructive thoughts, but celebrating your victories can help you remember your efforts, move on and move on
Step 2. Believe in yourself
In the end, it's up to you. If you think positive and have confidence in yourself, your addiction will become a distant memory that could leave you with some scars. Once you stop hurting yourself, you will feel better, you will think about the world (and yourself) much more clearly and honestly. Convince yourself that others care about you and value yourself. You can stop.
Step 3. Remember that the problem may reappear
Sometimes you will think about the idea of hurting yourself or actually hurting yourself. It is called "relapse". You can't blame yourself. Sooner or later it happens to everyone. Keep in mind that self-harm is an addiction, so healing sometimes doesn't go as smoothly as oil. There will be times when you can't help and contain yourself, but that just means you have to keep working hard. Sure, you had to take one step back, but that doesn't mean you can't take three forward right after.
Advice
- Some online resources include www.sibric.it, a research and comparison site on self-harm, and https://afipresmarcosaura.wix.com/teen-volunteers#!telefono-giallo/nlga4. They help fight depression, addictions, self-harm and suicide.
- Try getting a pet. Self-harming people are often encouraged to have at least one pet they can handle, such as a caged dog, cat, bird, or rodent. Taking responsibility for another life can have a tremendous therapeutic effect. Life is precious and you can do something to improve it.
- It may seem strange to you, but wearing bracelets can be helpful. They can have a special meaning to you, symbolize a band or whatever else you love. For example, they can remind you why you are still fighting. Also, their presence can help you not give in to the urge to hurt yourself. It may take some time for them to prove themselves, but sooner or later they will. Be strong.
