Dealing with an aggressive husband is an extremely traumatizing experience that some women may have to face in the course of their lives. You are very brave to admit to yourself that what you are going through is not right and to realize that you are no longer willing to accept this state of affairs. You have already taken the first step just for being here, and therefore you should be proud of yourself. Hopefully, the following information will help you take the right steps to ditch your partner.
Steps
Step 1. Tell someone close to you what is happening
However, you will most likely be afraid of how they might react to your confession, that they won't believe you, or you may be ashamed to tell someone. So instead of confiding in a relative or friend, the best thing would be to talk about it with someone you don't know. There are plenty of friendly lines for victims of violence who will be willing to listen to you, support you and offer you their advice. It is often easier to talk to a stranger than to some close person.
Step 2. Be aware that you don't deserve this kind of treatment
Nobody, absolutely nobody, deserves it. Stop justifying your partner. Okay, so you forgot to make dinner or pick up your clothes, you're human. So if he behaves aggressively, both physically and morally, he still has no right to denigrate or hurt you for human error.
Step 3. Get out of the shell
Victims of violence often tend to live as a recluse, withdrawing from people and rarely going out. This attitude is dictated by fear. Fear of someone noticing what is happening, fear that their spouse might hurt them for going out without permission, just to name a few. If you at least leave the house during the day to do some daily activities, you will create a semblance of normality, even if only briefly, and this will greatly help you increase your confidence.
Step 4. Avoid telling him all at once that you are about to let go
Obviously his first reaction would be to hurt you and to remind you that he is the only one in control of the situation. But YOU are in control too. And here's how: The only way someone can hurt you is if you let them do it. By running away from this harmful relationship, you take back control. So rather than tell him you are leaving him, plan everything carefully. Start taking your personal items away, a little at a time to a friend's house, to a warehouse, or to the garage, if you have one. Take only the essentials.
Step 5. Resign yourself that your partner doesn't love you
Often victims of violence are brainwashed to convince them that their partner still loves them. This often happens after a violent episode occurs. For example, you might be faced with this familiar skit: your partner hurts you. Soon after, he may start crying and apologizing, saying he loves you and he wouldn't want to, and begging you not to abandon him, because he will change. Lies, lies and more lies. Do you really think if he loved you he would hurt you? The answer is no. You start thinking 'He needs me, he will change'. It will never change. What you feel is a sense of false security. You feel you have a role in this person's life. Don't fall into this trap.
Step 6. Leave at the appropriate time
For example, sneak out at night while your husband is asleep or away from home. Go to the homes of friends or family or to a shelter for women victims of violence in your area. They will help you. They will understand you. They will support you.
Step 7. Turn off your mobile, or change number
Any attempt by your partner to contact you could turn into further brainwashing. He might apologize, beg you to come back, but it's all a lie. If you return, the violence will start again and will be even more serious for leaving him.
Step 8. Report it
In this situation it may seem cynical to advise you not to be selfish, given the circumstances and your personal trauma, but you could protect someone else from the violence of this monster. If you can, consider applying for a restraining order against the abusive person so that he can't harm you again and you don't have to relive the past by meeting him again.
Step 9. Consider a restraining order
Remember that the restraining order, if you can get it, is just a piece of paper, some people respect it, while others don't. This measure could make them more aggressive. Look for signs, such as continual violation of laws, their disproportionate reactions, etc. Consider all of these things before applying for a restraining order.
Advice
- Don't retrace your steps. Please. It was an insane relationship and you deserve so much more, really.
- Don't be ashamed to admit to someone that you are a victim of domestic violence. YOU are the victim, always remember that. It's not your fault.
- NEVER forget that you are not alone. Millions of women suffer every day from an abusive partner and many find the strength to fight back. Become one of the women who have overcome this devastating experience and have rebuilt a new life.
- You are very much loved. Very very much. Strangers love you. Family loves you. Friends love you. Although you can't feel it in this negative period of your life, your smile makes someone else smile. Your laugh makes someone else laugh. Your strength gives strength to others. Don't deprive those who love you of these precious gifts by living a life that is nullifying the person in you.
- You are strong. Everything seems negative to you but everything will go the right way, even if you don't believe it. Find the courage to go away.
- The least right thing to do is not to tell anyone, because if you don't say it, no one will be able to help you, but if you find the courage and strength, then you will see that there are people who love you and take care of you and you are not alone., because there is help, even if you don't notice it.
- After abandoning your abusive partner, but before he knows what's going on, ask a trusted family member to keep all your important documents together, for safety.
- Even if you find yourself building a wall around yourself and cutting people out, always remember your 'trap door', that is, your way out. Nobody forces you to hide behind that wall, it's up to you to find the courage to go away.
- Remember that you are not at fault for this situation. You never chose to be hurt. You never chose to be mistreated.
Warnings
- Do not continue to submit to an abusive husband if children are involved. You have to be strong for them and you have to get out of it. It's not just about you anymore. He may only be aggressive towards you, but it's only a matter of time because sooner or later he will also use violence against your baby.
- Don't tell your partner that you intend to leave him if he uses physical violence. He may have an even more brutal reaction.
