It is not easy to be a good wife, even if you have a nearly perfect husband. To be a good wife you need to be able to communicate effectively, keep the romantic side alive, and be your husband's best friend while maintaining your individuality. If you want to know how, just follow these steps.
Steps
Part 1 of 4: Being a Good Companion
Step 1. Meet your husband's needs without compromising yours
If she needs more sex, then open your mind to new possibilities. If she needs more time with her friends or for a hobby, don't be possessive. He will be happier and grateful for your respect. You should meet their needs or, at least some of them, without doing anything that might make you uncomfortable.
- If he wants more sex, then consider doing it more often or think about why you don't want it.
- If he misses being with his friends, allow him to dedicate an evening to friends and do the same with your friends.
- If he wants time to devote to his hobbies, give it to him. It will grow as a person and your relationship will benefit.
Step 2. Be your husband's best friend
Develop true intimacy and absolute acceptance. Don't hide your vulnerability and be sure your relationship will stand up to conflict. Enjoy your shared story and "private" jokes. Send him articles that might interest him or sit with him in peace. Your silence is also important when your marriage is supported by a sincere friendship.
- Although you need to maintain other relevant friendships so that your life is filled with love and a good mood, at the end of the day your husband should be the go-to person.
- Aim to become the person your husband has the most fun with, rather than his best friend or favorite uncle. You should be the number one person to laugh with and cry with.
Step 3. Share dreams
Never lose sight of your shared dreams. Whether it's taking refuge in a warm place or taking a trip abroad for your twentieth anniversary, meet your dreams, talk about them and make them come true.
- It's nice that you and your husband have individual dreams, but you should make sure that none of them completely conflict with the other person's.
- Even if you share noble dreams, you must always talk about them together to keep your passion alive.
Step 4. Preserve your identity
You must still have a fun and interesting life. If your husband left you tomorrow, would you still have your friends you see at least once a month, your hobbies or the sports you play? If not, your husband will always work to fill an impossible void and will feel inadequate. When you are satisfied as an individual, you will have so much more to offer your relationship. You will be a better companion if you keep your interests, if you have your own experiences and reflections.
- If your husband believes that he is the only good thing that has happened in your life, then he is bound to feel trapped.
- Continue to pursue hobbies and interests that you felt were significant even before the relationship. You may not have a chance to grow them all, but you can still try to find time for the ones that matter most to you.
Step 5. Manage your stress
Men and women have to deal with everyday stress. Do everything you can to help each other cope with the stresses of everyday life. If you can handle your share of problems, you will take the pressure off your marriage. If one of you is chronically stressed while the other doesn't understand why, then you have a problem.
- Help your husband manage his stress by talking and treating him more, especially after a busy day, instead of making him feel worse by getting angry when he's tired or worried.
- When you are stressed out, let your husband know how you feel so he can help you around the house.
Part 2 of 4: Communicate Effectively
Step 1. Express your feelings and needs
Your husband doesn't have a crystal ball. If you want something, say it. If something is wrong, say it. Don't think he gets there anyway, because you risk never getting anything. If you want to be able to express how you feel, you should speak in a positive tone and listen to what your husband says instead of being accusing. Here are some ways to do it:
- Send messages focused on you. Instead of accusing him of not respecting your needs, focus the conversation on you. For example, say, "I feel ignored when I don't see you before 6.30pm every night."
- Listen to what he says. When he says something to you, repeat it to make sure you understand. For example: "I heard you say that you are worried about our financial situation and that must be why you work late."
- Avoid passing judgment. Get him to finish speaking before answering. When he's done, offer him a solution. For example: "I can also live on a lower budget if it means seeing you more."
Step 2. Choose your battles
Some issues are worth fighting for, others not. If you spend all your time nitpicking in small matters that don't matter, he won't listen to you on the ones that matter.
- Criticism can destroy a relationship. As long as the dishes are clean and whole, for example, don't pester your husband about how to load the dishwasher "the right way". Make him do things his way. Don't take it for superficial things.
- Do not criticize your husband, except in a constructive way. Remember to try to stay calm and rational, strong emotions can turn a simple discussion into an argument.
- You should compliment your husband for the things he can do rather than blame him for what he does wrong. This will make him more willing to listen to you and happier to be around you.
Step 3. Be understanding when you talk about a problem with your husband
Argue correctly. Don't let anger take over, as it may make you say things you may regret later on. Even if you don't agree with your husband, you need to respect his opinion and point of view. To be a good wife, you need to understand that you may never agree on certain issues. No couple has an identical core of values and beliefs; this means that both of you will have to learn to cooperate when you are unable to solve a problem.
- Talk to him at the right time. Don't spill your problems on him when it happens. Avoid raising questions before dinner, when he's paying bills, or is immersed in a stressful situation, such as fixing your car. And never start a fight in front of children.
- When you are wrong, admit it. You must learn to respond in an argument and stay rational in order to acknowledge and apologize if you have made a mistake.
Step 4. Talk to your husband, not him
Never speak ill of your husband's friends or family if you have not argued with him before. Talking behind your husband's back is not fair. When you get married, your loyalty goes first to your husband, not your family of origin or group of friends.
- Complaining about your husband to your friends and family will not only not solve your problems, it will cause these people to see your relationship in a more negative light.
- Friends and family may think they know what's best for you, but they don't know your relationship as well as you do and may be giving you bad advice unwittingly.
Part 3 of 4: Accept
Step 1. Try to have realistic expectations
Neither is perfect. Disappointed expectations frustrate anyone. If yours are too high or unrealistic, then you will need to set standards that are achievable. For example, it's not fair to expect a lavish life and have the love of your life at home at every single meal. If you want more time to spend together, then be prepared for some sacrifice to see that wish fulfilled.
- Remember that no relationship is perfect. If you expect to get along and be happy with your husband 100% of the time, you risk being disappointed.
- Make your financial expectations realistic too. Maybe you and your husband haven't achieved the financial well-being you expected - that's perfectly normal. Focus on appreciating what you have, instead of expecting more.
Step 2. Don't try to change your husband
Accept him as he is and let him know that you would never want him to change for you. He has a lot to offer, if you allow him to be himself. He is an evolving individual, just like you. Love him for who he is and he too will love you unconditionally.
- Accept that you and your husband are not the same person. You will not always see the world in the same way and that is a good thing. Being with someone other than yourself enriches your relationship.
- There is a difference between asking your husband to clean the house more often and trying to make him a trekking fanatic when he hates being outdoors. You can ask him to improve in different areas, but you can't force him to do all the things you like.
Step 3. Deal with the changes
You will go through moments of crisis, from losing your job to the death of a parent. You may have financial difficulties or find yourself particularly well off and not knowing how to manage your wealth. Your marriage can survive change if you continue to communicate and be flexible. Here are some things to keep in mind as you learn to accept changes:
- Remember that whatever changes happen you and your husband will have to face it as a team, not as people on opposite sides of the battle. Addressing changes together makes them more manageable.
- Cope with the changes in your love life. Even if you and your husband are passionately in love, don't worry if he doesn't want to make love every night or kiss you twenty times a day like at the beginning of your relationship. You can still keep your love solid without wanting to make it exactly as it was in the early days of your marriage.
- Accept changes in your body. Even if you work hard to stay fit and eat healthily, you have to accept that at fifty you probably can't have a body in twenty-five and that's okay.
Step 4. Accept that having children can change the relationship between you and your husband
Obviously the balance will change and evolve once it is altered by the presence of children. It doesn't necessarily mean that it has to change for the worse, but it does mean that you will have to spend a lot of your free time looking after your children, rather than just the two of you. Accept that their presence can change your relationship and work hard to make it develop differently.
- To help this transition, plan to spend time with the children together when you can, instead of isolating yourself by taking turns.
- Find new fun activities that the whole family can do together to help yourself and your husband stay together as you raise your children.
- Strengthen your relationship by acting as a united front with your husband. You should agree on how to raise and educate your children so that they do not take the form of "bad cop" and "good cop". Don't fight each other when it comes to educating your children.
Step 5. Accept your mutual mistakes
If you want to be considered a wife, then you need to be able to accept your husband's mistakes and sincerely respect his apology when he does something wrong (as long as it's not very compromising). If you hold on for too long, you won't be able to appreciate your husband's positives, so you'd better accept his apology, argue about how not to get upset like this again, and go further instead of resenting. the past.
- Accept your mistakes too. Don't focus too much on being the perfect wife, or you won't be able to admit when you're wrong.
- Admitting that you are wrong will help both of you grow as a couple.
Part 4 of 4: Dedicating Time to Romance
Step 1. Make time for evening outings
It doesn't matter how busy you are, how stressful your job is or how many children you have - you need to take the time to spend a romantic evening with your husband. If you don't have children, go out once a week; if you have them, find moments for yourself at least every fortnight or as often as you can. While it may seem trivial, getting dressed up to go to a nice place can renew your romantic relationship and being away from home can bring a breath of freshness.
Your evening date doesn't have to be romantic. You can go bowling, mini-golf or you can even spend a night together. Do whatever you can to connect and spend time together
Step 2. Make time for sex
While you may feel that sex should be spontaneous, if you don't budget for it, you may start to overlook it. Without the reassuring intimacy that comes with making love, a man can become dissatisfied, gruff, and even feel rejected or angry. Remember that making love gives you deep, physical relief that is vital for both of you.
In most relationships, each partner has specific needs and expectations regarding the frequency of physical intimacy. Find a happy compromise with your husband. Couples who feel responsible for meeting their partner's needs tend to be happier in their relationship
Step 3. Kiss him passionately
After a while, you might settle for a superficial and hasty kiss instead of the classic French one. Make it a goal to share at least one six-second kiss every day, morning or evening, even if you don't have any other time for intimacy. Your husband doesn't have to think that kissing you is like kissing your babies - there should be passion in your kisses!
When you make love, don't go straight to sex. Make sure kisses are a key part of it too. They are very effective foreplay
Step 4. Turn your bedroom into a sex sanctuary
Television, computers and everything related to work are banned. Your bedroom should be dedicated to rest and sex. If there are children's games, night news or extra work to do, it will never become a sacred and special place. Keeping an area of the house dedicated to rest and sex will make love special and vital to your relationship.
You and your husband can work together to remove every irrelevant element from your bedroom. It can also become a fun couple's activity
Advice
- Remember to talk about what's wrong, instead of walking away at the first sign of trouble. You got married for a reason and you also promised you would stay forever.
- A woman who is happy with herself is the best wife. Remember that "if mom isn't happy, nobody is".
- Happily married people are healthier, wealthier, and happier than people who are single or divorced. Studies show fewer cases of heart attacks, cancer and strokes. In addition, they show that a satisfying sex life reduces depression or domestic violence.
- If your marriage is in crisis, get help. Divorce is agony for both the couple and the children. Fight for your marriage by figuring out what you need and working on it.
- Many wives define their role by their religious faith. In any case, in weddings where there are different religious traditions, the spouses may not have the same vision of the wife's role. Furthermore, a very conservative view of submitting the wife could prevent her from evolving into a genuine partner. Respect your faith, but also your needs.
- Don't force it. It would mean insisting on whatever action your partner doesn't want to take. It is counterproductive and potentially detrimental to the relationship.
