Not ready to push your newly grown chicks out of the nest yet, but are you tired of not contributing to the family budget? This article will give you some ideas to make participation in the family's financial performance a little fairer for each member, but also to make sure your children are putting in a lot more effort around the house.
Steps
Step 1. Organize a family meeting on financial matters
The time has surely come to stop pampering children. They are adults and can deal with the most important problems. Explain to them what the expenses are to maintain them, ranging from food to cooking, electricity to gas, house maintenance to cleaning, clothing to housing. If you are offering all of this without them paying anything, they may not realize how much it really costs.
Step 2. Ask for a rent contribution
Make a family agreement that all those living in the house are responsible for the maintenance costs and, therefore, give financial help for periodic cleaning and maintenance. Set a weekly fee that covers about 30% of their pay so that they understand how much it costs and how it feels to have to put a certain amount of money "just to have a roof over their heads." Write everything down and budget if necessary.
Step 3. Ask all family members to do housework
No family member can take responsibility for all household chores alone. Each family member must help keep the home in good condition. Entrust the tasks related to cleaning, maintenance of the garden or plants on the terrace, shopping, pet care, general repairs, to every member of the family who can perform them. It might not even be a bad idea to agree that they take turns preparing at least two meals a week. Turn this into a weekly schedule and hang it up where everyone can see it. Make it clear that slipping away from a task requires negotiating with another family member rather than not doing it.
Step 4. Expect some objection and respond with clear and specific facts
If they have lived without too many obligations, it is easy for them to complain. Prepare yourself for this by arming yourself with tangible evidence of the expenses incurred by living away from home. In this regard, you will need to take a further step: instead of explaining, clearly demonstrate where all the expenses are coming from. It shows what is the average price of rents in your area, the money that is spent on average at the supermarket, the prices of electricity that is needed on average to power a house and the expenses related to gasoline, mortgage payments and interest rates. interest. Their awareness will increase very soon, and even if they still feel resentful, they will realize that their situation is not that unhappy.
Step 5. Overcome the guilt
If a grown-up child lives with you, you probably allow this situation because you want to help them. Perhaps he is going through a difficult time and you are also likely to benefit from having him around. You would probably feel guilty asking him to make a contribution, especially if you see him in a sensitive position. When this happens, don't forget the following:
- Protecting him from the harsh realities of life won't help him. Your job as a parent is to teach him to become an independent adult who can survive and improve on his own. By confronting him with his responsibilities around the house, you will teach him that there is no such thing as eating for free. It is better if she learns in the family what it means to take responsibility than after a dismissal or divorce.
- You are not alone in dealing with these problems. Adult children living in the house are called "mammoni", but there are similar definitions in other languages: "parasaito shinguru", or "single parasites", in Japanese; "boomerang child", that is the son who returns to live in his parents' house for financial reasons, or "twixters", children who live trapped between adolescence and adulthood, in American slang; "kippers" (short for "children who erode retirement savings in their parents' pockets") in UK English; "hotel mama" in German. There are parents all over the world who identify with this thwarted love between parents and children.
Step 6. Be grateful
As your adult children begin to cooperate more, show how much you appreciate their contribution at home and in the family, and thank them. Sometimes it may be necessary to give some respite, when you have more money, or to save some money to give them a trip or something else. You will be able to assess what is best based on the circumstances.
Advice
- Save the money they give you for rent in a special deposit account. You can use them in a time of hardship, for a vacation or even to help your children with education or during their difficult times.
- Share the car whenever possible and encourage the whole family to use public transport and bicycles. If you can limit the use of the car to the moments strictly necessary, everyone will benefit from the cuts in the cost of gasoline and maintenance of the car and at the same time they will keep themselves healthy by walking or cycling.
- If you are lucky enough to have a child who does not live in the family, when he returns home, ask him to explain to his brother how much he is bleeding you. By working and having bills and expenses to pay, he won't feel guilty or have any trouble telling his brother how the world actually works.
