Giving advice is not one of the easiest tasks. You can be under a lot of pressure, especially if you usually (unintentionally) give bad advice. With the following tips you will become a pro at giving advice in no time! Start reading the article from the first step.
Steps
Part 1 of 4: Acting Right
Step 1. Don't judge who you are in front of
The crucial first step in giving good advice (or any advice, in truth) is not to judge the other person. Nobody should be judged inferior or wrong for a single decision they have made. We all have cards to play in our hand and the ones you have in your hand, with what you have managed to draw, have nothing to do with those played by someone else.
Keep your seriousness and remember what your mother taught you: if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything
Step 2. Get rid of your prejudices
Of course, we all have our own opinions on what is right or wrong, but when you give advice, the ideal is to give the other the tools to make his own decisions, not make decisions for him. Try to remove your beliefs from the conversation and focus only on helping those in front of you come to their conclusions.
- For example, if a friend is considering terminating her pregnancy but doesn't think it's the right thing to do, don't spend all your time telling her how wrong that choice would be. Instead, direct it towards a discussion that generates a balanced confrontation.
- You should only reveal your personal opinion when someone asks you "What would you do?". Just make sure you explain why you have a certain opinion so that the other person can understand your reasoning.
Step 3. Be honest
If you are not an expert, tell whoever you are in front of. You don't have to give yourself entirely, since what everyone really needs is a good listener. However, it's important that you don't give the impression that you are an authority when you are not.
It's okay to say too Do not talk, "I know how you feel". However, it would be better to say something like "You're right to be angry about this" or "I can imagine how this situation would make me feel neglected."
Step 4. Express confidence in whoever stands in front of you
Sometimes all a person needs to make the right decision is to know that someone believes in them, thinking they will do the right thing. Be this for whoever is in front of you, especially if no one else knows how to do it. Say something like, "It's a very difficult decision, but I know you want to do the right thing. And I know you will. You just have to let all the courage, which I'm sure you have, shine out."
Step 5. Know when it is appropriate and when it is not appropriate to intervene
By intervening we mean giving unsolicited advice to someone who probably doesn't want it. This is often something that can be done by involving several friends and family to support you, but also by yourself. Of course, it's important to know when you should and shouldn't intervene and when to give advice to someone who doesn't want it. In general, it is advisable to reserve this attention only at times when you are concerned that someone is a danger to yourself or others.
- If it's a boyfriend you don't approve of because of his personality or religious issues, these aren't good reasons to intervene. However, if you are concerned that a friend is being physically abused by her boyfriend for showing up at school with bruises, now is a good time to take action.
- Sometimes having a pulse is necessary to get someone to make the right choice, but it can often put the other person on the defensive. This is a very difficult situation and taking action may be a bit risky.
Part 2 of 4: Listening to the Story of the Other
Step 1. Listen
When someone is talking and trying to get your advice, they just start listening. Most of the time, all a person needs is a good listener, because they need to be heard. This gives her a chance to solve her problems and come to accept a situation in her own mind. Don't talk until he's done unless it seems like you need a straight answer.
Step 2. Don't offer an opinion yet
If he asks your opinion on the partially told story, give evasive answers and ask questions to get all the information first. This is because you need to form a complete and informed opinion before you can really give good advice. He might manipulate the story and try to get an answer from you before exposing all the facts, in order to get the answer he truly hopes for.
Step 3. Ask a lot of questions
After she tells her story, ask questions to get more information. This will help you develop a more complete and informed opinion, but you may also help the other person think about things they have not considered, such as alternatives or other points of view. Ask questions like:
- "Why did you say this?"
- "When did you tell him?"
Step 4. Ask if he wants advice
A good habit is to ask if he also wants advice. Some people just want to talk and not be told what to do. If they say they would like advice, give it to them. If they say no, then just say something like, "Well, if you keep having problems, I'm here and happy to help you deal with them."
Part 3 of 4: Give Good Advice
Step 1. Take time to think about the problem if you can
If you can have a day or even a couple of hours to think about his problem and possible solutions, take it to really think about every possible solution or way of approaching the problem. You might even take the opportunity to ask another person for advice if you know someone more knowledgeable about the matter. However, many times people need immediate help from the moment they actually ask for advice, so you may just want to respond to the best of your abilities and look into the problem further later.
Step 2. Orient those in front of you through obstacles
Review together what the difficulties of the situation are and why they are a problem. Something he sees as an impassable barrier may actually be easy to overcome thanks to a small external point of view.
So, you want to leave, but you're worried it's impossible. What are the things that keep you from moving? You have to get a job first, right? Okay. What else? You can't leave your father alone here, right?
Step 3. Help assess the problem from the outside
Sometimes people pay too much attention to detail, risking not to understand the general situation. They have a hard time seeing their situation in full or even possible solutions, because they are so fixated on a few small problems. Help them take a step back, re-examining the picture, from your external point of view.
For example, if a friend is worried about taking her new boyfriend to a party because she is older than her and doesn't want to be judged, you might point out that she probably doesn't know anyone at the party anyway, so it doesn't make any difference
Step 4. Open the other person to all alternatives
Show her how to navigate all the alternatives she has considered. Then, try to think of other new possibilities that he hasn't thought of yet, offering them to him. In this first phase, it is important to try to keep her from canceling any opportunities, so as to evaluate all alternatives in the same way and in the light of others.
- When he disdains an alternative, he tries to find out the real reason. At times, he may object based on an erroneous understanding of the proposed possibility.
- Say something like: "Then you want to tell your husband that you are pregnant again, but you have to do it carefully because you are having financial difficulties right now. You can wait to tell him until you find out what this new job will be like or you can tell him now so that have more time to look into alternatives. Have you seen if there is a financial support program for families in your municipality, so you can apply and discuss it with him?"
Step 5. Help evaluate these alternatives
Once it's all in front of your eyes, guide the other person through each possibility and compare the pros and cons together. Between the two of you, you should be able to work out a less distorted picture of what can be done to fix the problem.
Telling your boyfriend that you want to get married is a possibility, but knowing him will make him feel like you are judging him. Another option would be to make a date with Carlo and me. Carlo could talk to him man to man and maybe try to find out. because he's so hesitant
Step 6. Give as much information as you can
If you have any advice based on experience or even just more information on what they might expect, don't hesitate to let those in front of you know once you have discussed possible alternatives. He will likely use this additional information to solidify what he feels about options being evaluated.
Again, remember not to let your voice and words show any prejudice and judgment when giving this advice
Step 7. Know when to be hard and when to be soft
Most of the time people need a positive, yet motivational pep talk. Other times, however, they really feel the need to hear how things stand. Sometimes, they just have to get a kick in the butt. You have to learn to evaluate when one or the other is needed, which is difficult. There is no standard formula. Typically, when someone gets hurt and doesn't learn their lesson, it's time to step in.
- However, if you don't have a good relationship with this person or if they tend to take criticism very badly, telling them what they need to hear may not help your relationship right away.
- Even when you give someone a useful push, it's important not to just be a tool of openness.
Step 8. Emphasize that you don't control the future
People, when they seek advice, often want a guarantee. Remind them that you cannot give it, that there is no way to predict the future. However, it shows that they can count on your support and that even if things don't go as they hope, life always goes on.
Part 4 of 4: Learn more
Step 1. Help out whoever stands in front of you if they want to
If you are dealing with a situation where you can actually do something, such as in many interpersonal situations or some stifling work problem, offer your help. He will probably refuse it, but the important thing is to be consistent once you have offered yourself.
Of course, if you know it would be terrible for you to help a particular person, don't offer them personal help, but work to find someone else who can help
Step 2. Continue to support yourself
Even if you are in a difficult situation, continue to support as much as possible those who ask you for advice. Your support can be as simple as defending his position, or a little more challenging, such as covering his shift if he has to leave to deal with a certain situation. Knowing that you can always support her can make a huge difference to this person.
Step 3. Find supporting arguments
Do a little research on the problem you are having and send someone you are helping some useful links. You can also buy a book, as long as it is inherent to its problem. It's a great way to give someone the tools they need to solve their own problems.
Step 4. Investigate the matter further
If he doesn't offer any further information or updates, you should ask him (unless he clearly wants to talk about it). In this way you will show that you really care about the person and that you really care about their problem solved.
Advice
- It is good to know something about the subject you need your help for (ie courtship, friends, school…). If you don't have much experience with it, let the person know that you are not an expert.
- Check if everything is okay every now and then. Ask how things are progressing and if they are resolving.
- Be extra careful not to hurt the other's feelings!
- Do not suggest anything that could harm the person.
- Think before you talk. If things go monstrously wrong, you risk taking the blame.
