As Oscar Wilde said, the best way to use good advice is to share it with others, it makes no sense to keep it to yourself. Before giving advice, first check that the person you are talking to is well prepared to receive your words, or is just looking for someone who can listen and understand their problems. Don't assume that all people are waiting for advice from you. Even if you have experienced the problem, all you need to do is listen carefully without interrupting and try to understand the situation. At that point, only if you are clearly ASKED for advice can you take action and have your say. Giving advice is an honor, but also a responsibility. Good advice can help people make right decisions in life, or take a new path they had abandoned. Bad advice can have dire consequences. To avoid the worst it is enough to think long before speaking.
Steps
Step 1. Listen to the person who needs advice
Every situation is different, so don't think you have a ready solution for every type of problem. Listen carefully to the words of the person seeking your help and try to grasp every single aspect of the situation. If you need clarification, please ask questions. Listening actively will not only allow you to give better advice, but will increase the chances that the person will accept it and carry it out successfully.
Step 2. Put yourself in the other's shoes
Try to imagine yourself in the same situation. If you have experienced something similar, think about what you have learned from your experience, but do not rely only on your knowledge in giving advice, try to understand every aspect of what the person in front of you is going through. Circumstances are always different from individual to individual.
Step 3. Think about the possible consequences of your advice
Think about what would happen if that person didn't use your advice. If you do not come up with substantial differences, it means that your advice, even if valid, is not really that necessary. The same is true if the thing you recommend is impossible to do. If you already feel that your advice could lead to a worse outcome than the current situation, then you are not on the right track and you better refrain from advising.
- Take your time. Try to think long and hard about all possible consequences and consider both the pros and cons of situations. Think about the price to pay to get something and its benefits. This process is essential, especially if you are faced with a problem that is difficult to solve.
- Evaluate the benefits (and consequences) both in the short and long term. The most important decisions are so difficult to make precisely because a number of factors must first be evaluated, and the possible repercussions over time. Try to look as far as you can.
Step 4. Feel empathy
Many situations require particular sensitivity and maturity. If you are truly capable of putting yourself in the other person's shoes, empathy will certainly develop spontaneously. Also, remember that when giving advice you must take into account the emotions of the person in front of you and their reactions. Knowing how to give advice is not only an exercise in rationality, it often does not consist only in suggesting the best choices, but also in being able to resolve one's emotional conflicts.
Step 5. Think at length with the person you would like to give advice to
Sometimes it is not possible to guess the right solution for a problem, so evaluating the possible alternatives together can lead to valid results. Even for a problem that is simple to solve, it accustoms the person who is in difficulty to develop his own ability to resolve based on reasoning.
Step 6. Be honest
If your advice could have potential consequences, make the person aware of it. If you do not feel up to giving specific advice, or if you do not have the appropriate knowledge, say it without fear and honestly. Your goal should not be simply to give advice, but to help the person who asked for your help make the best choice. You are not a seller.
Step 7. Lead by example
If you recommend doing one thing and then your actions express the exact opposite, your advice will be seen as an act of hypocrisy. If you avoid “preaching well and scratching badly” people will take your words more seriously.
Step 8. Realize that your advice may not be accepted
Just because someone asked you for help doesn't mean your suggestions will be put into practice. The person who asked you for advice knows his current situation and desires better than you do, so you can't really be sure that your advice is the best thing to do in his case. Sometimes you ask for advice just to get a comparison or get ideas, so don't be surprised if the person who called you does not follow your suggestions, even if valid, to follow their path, and maybe make mistakes. Let everyone live as they want.
Advice
- Think twice before giving advice to a person who hasn't clearly asked you. If you are not asked, your advice can be offensive and your relationship with that person could deteriorate. Unsolicited advice is hardly taken into consideration. Only in case a person you know well is about to make a big mistake can you try to give advice to avoid the worst.
- Do not give advice that you yourself would not want to follow. Think if in his shoes you would be able to put your suggestions into practice, it is a test to see if the advice can be useful or not.
- Don't be afraid to say that you don't feel capable of giving good advice in a specific situation. If you don't know what advice to give but would like to help someone, you can recommend that they listen to the opinion of a person who has more knowledge and will be able to evaluate things better than you.
- Almost all advice is subjective. Make sure you can separate your opinion from objective reality. You can share both sides of the coin with the person you want to help.
Warnings
- Do not give advice that you do not feel able to give, especially if you do not have the appropriate knowledge, for example for medical or legal matters if you are not a doctor or a lawyer. You can share everything you've learned about some topics, but make sure the person you want to help compares to a professional.
- If someone reveals private information to you, do not share it with others.
- Make sure you have no conflict of interest with the person you would like to help: if you try to persuade someone to do something because you could benefit from it, you are not giving honest advice. Never give advice unless you feel completely honest and selfless.
