Have you ever had the feeling that you are the only one who carries on her friendships? You're the only one who calls, writes, emails, IMs and texts - wow! Your friends should take the initiative and get in touch with you once in a while, huh? There are ways to better manage this situation where you are the only one contacting your friends.
Steps
Step 1. Understand that all friendships should be based on a give-and-take exchange
Sometimes it happens that such an exchange is not distributed evenly. It's just a fact of life, and if you want to continue having a relationship with friends who don't have much to give at that particular moment, you'll have to accept it. Sometimes it all comes down to you - sometimes you give 100% while they give 0% while still other times, there seems to be a 50/50 parity. But this is life, it is normal.
Step 2. Let your friends know that any kind of contact is welcome
Make sure your voice is friendly, or that you can respond quickly to emails, etc.; you will make them understand that there is no need for a particular reason to contact you, they can even call just to speak, and you will be happy to hear from them.
Step 3. Use humor to ease the situation when you bring up the subject
Talk to your friend as if you were a melodramatic person. Not a jealous lover, but take some kind of funny accent or use any other way that makes it obvious that you are joking - don't point out, insult or be petulant, etc. Above all, you need to know when to quit - make a sudden joke: "Oh, Brandon, you never call me, you never text me - what am I supposed to think? That you don't love me, that's it!" And then, giggling, you say, "I know you're so busy - but I'm glad to hear from you, I miss you" and close. Don't go any further, just change the subject.
Step 4. Realize that you may be the "most needy" friend at a time when your friend needs space
If that's the case, the best thing you can do is act like an understanding friend. While you may have a lot of time and money on your hands, your friend may be in financial trouble, or stressed out with their studies, etc. Rather than burdening you with his problems, your friend may just retreat for a while, until things get better. Take advantage of this: it could be a way to test the waters ("I'm worried about you - you've been isolated for a while. Is there a problem I can help you solve?") Or to respect his implied request to give him his space.. Just try to be open and friendly, letting your friend understand that when they are ready to contact you, you will be there.
Step 5. Take a step back
Once it's clear that your friend isn't going to contact you or confide in you, but just seems not to be as involved in your friendship as you are, back off for a while. Let your friend deal with what's happening to him in his life, without disturbing him. Let him know you're there and still care by sending an email every week or two, a harmless text message, or just calling and leaving a message from time to time. A sentence like “Are you busy? Call me?" all right. But if he doesn't answer, forget it - don't insist. Or leave a message like, "Hey Jonah, I'm Robin. I just called to say hi, we haven't chatted in a while and I had a couple of minutes to spare. I was hoping to catch up. Just in case, call me - otherwise I hope that you're okay, I just wanted to let you know that I was thinking of you. See you soon for a chat. " These are non-invasive, non-threatening attempts to make contact and leave a sincere message that you are concerned, but be warned: once you call and leave a message, make it enough.
Step 6. Accept the reality
Sometimes when he pulls away from you it's his way of letting you know that friendship isn't really a priority for him right now. If it is so important to you that all friendships are maintained daily, weekly, monthly, etc, then this is not the right friend for you. Many friendships drag on - that is, sometimes you are very close to a person, other times, you have no contact. Eventually, one friend tracks the other, contacts him, and BANG! It's as if time has never passed - and they recover their friendship. Other times, friends simply drift apart, develop other interests, make other friends, and we lose sight of them permanently. It is crucial to accept that friendship as a whole is a voluntary two-way situation. Let your friend go his own way, and treasure the fond memories you have of your friendship.
Advice
- Sure, make room for your friend, but don't abandon him entirely. Have lunch together, send a message, or invite him to an event. Just knowing that you were thinking about him can be encouraging, even if he doesn't participate. Parties are fine too, because he doesn't have the pressure of having to be alone with you, there will be a lot of people to talk to.
- If you mention to your friend that you'd like to take the initiative more often, try doing it with a little humor and avoid making a big deal out of it.
- Dwell on your need to be contacted more, and ask yourself if the reason you need or want more contact with your friend is that you have feelings beyond friendship. If that's the case, you'll have to decide whether to reveal your feelings to him.
