You will probably be surprised to know that one in 4 Italians report feeling lonely. Loneliness can affect mental, emotional and physical health, compromising the immune system, increasing the risk of anxiety and depression, and distorting personal perceptions. You can feel lonely if you live in a small town and can't make friends with other peers. Sometimes loneliness results from a recent life change: moving to a new city, a new job, or enrolling in a new school. Understand that when you go through a big change, you may feel lonely for a period of time. Whether it's a chronic or short-lived sensation, you have many strategies to live a more peaceful life and work through the emotional distress caused by loneliness.
Steps
Part 1 of 2: Coping with Loneliness
Step 1. Accept that loneliness is not a reality, but a feeling
Loneliness can trigger a sense of abandonment, sadness, or isolation. Recognize when you are assaulted by these emotions and remember that a state of mind is not necessarily a reality. You don't have to feel alone.
Feelings can change rapidly based on circumstances and behaviors. One moment you feel lonely, and the next moment you realize that you prefer to be on your own rather than with friends, or you may receive a phone call from someone that relieves your loneliness
Step 2. Accept your mood
Don't ignore how you feel - it can be an important sign that your life is running on the right or wrong tracks. Avoid chasing away loneliness, but consider it like all other feelings. Pay attention to how you feel when it creeps in. You may feel physically heavy or feel like crying. Give yourself the opportunity to feel the physical and emotional state that comes with it, and if you can't help it, don't hold back the tears.
Do not escape impulsively from loneliness. In order not to suffer, many people choose to distract themselves from the discomfort associated with loneliness by turning on the TV, working, dedicating themselves to a project or other activity. Rather, become aware of your feelings (and ways to manage them) and try to get in tune with your body and your emotions
Step 3. Change your attitude
When the thought of loneliness enters the mind, you are much more likely to notice all the unpleasant things about this feeling. Therefore, it is very easy to get into a spiral of negative thoughts: self-esteem decreases, you feel less appreciated in some respects or emotionally and physically destroyed. Before closing yourself up like a hedgehog, think about the possibility of changing your attitude. Instead of convincing yourself that you are "alone", try to see your situation as an opportunity. Accept the idea of living solitude as a serene and regenerative experience. Once you have learned to appreciate it, you will be able to manage the moments you spend alone.
- Use your time to get to know yourself better: start keeping a diary, meditate and read the books that interest you.
- Sometimes it is inevitable to spend more time alone, as happens when you move to a new city or to another country. Accept the moments when you are forced to live in solitude and realize that they will not last forever. Appreciate the time you have available to have new experiences.
Step 4. Use all your compassion
Realize that loneliness is a universal experience that sooner or later everyone has to experience. Loneliness is part of man's life. Imagine a friend telling you he feels lonely. How do you answer him? What would you like to tell him? Try to use this same compassion for yourself. Don't forbid yourself from connecting with people and asking for their support.
Loneliness is not a feeling to be ashamed and embarrassed about: sooner or later it comes up in everyone's life and you don't have to feel bad because you feel alone. Try to be indulgent towards yourself and those close to you who can be in your condition
Step 5. Ask yourself what you are missing
Loneliness can be a valuable tool by which you have the opportunity to notice what is missing or what you would like to achieve in your life. You can be surrounded by lots of people and have a pretty active social life, but still feel lonely. Loneliness does not indicate so much a lack of social contacts, but of more intimate interpersonal relationships. So, take your time to reflect on what you want in your life.
Write down the times when you feel lonely. This feeling may come to you more often during mundane events or when you are at home without company. Then consider what might alleviate this feeling: perhaps inviting a friend somewhere or calling your sister to ask her to watch a movie together when you feel alone at home. Find concrete solutions that you can put in place (don't think that a boyfriend or girlfriend can solve all your loneliness problems)
Step 6. Overcome shyness and insecurities
Remember that no one is born with interpersonal skills and that the latter are, in fact, skills, not superpowers. Shyness and insecurities largely stem from false beliefs or fears about how to behave in society. The impression of being an unpleasant or bizarre person does not reflect reality: it is simply a perception. Remember that you don't have to be perfect to be nice. If you feel insecure among people, start by observing the outside environment instead of listening to your thoughts and feelings. Focus on your interlocutor, listening to him and putting yourself in his shoes, instead of thinking about yourself.
- Realize that it is not a problem if you fail in front of the eyes of others. Anyone can make a mistake!
- People pay much less attention to your mistakes than you think. Most people are too focused on themselves managing their social fears to notice your insecurities!
- For more information, read How to Stop Being Shy.
Step 7. Overcome the fear of rejection
Sometimes, it feels safer to avoid social contexts instead of facing the risk of rejection. Fear of rejection is based on a lack of trust in people. Perhaps you have felt betrayed in the past and are now reluctant to trust people and make new friends. Even if it was a painful experience, remember that not all friendships systematically result in lying and betrayal. Don't give up.
- Not all rejections you receive should be taken on a personal level. People can be distracted or forget to contact you.
- Remember that not everyone you know will like you and that not everyone you know will be like you. Don't worry about it.
Part 2 of 2: Go beyond Loneliness
Step 1. Develop your interpersonal skills
Maybe you feel lonely because you don't trust your social skills. In this case, practice smiling at people, giving compliments and conversing with the people you meet during the day (the store clerks, the bartender, co-workers).
- If you are in a new environment, find someone to chat with. Tell him: "I've never been here before, what about you? How is the situation?". Your interlocutor may help you and agree to join you to do something new.
- Remember to be open and available through body language. By keeping your shoulders hunched, looking down, avoiding eye contact, and crossing your arms or legs, you will seem unapproachable. Instead, try to smile, keep an open posture (leaving your legs and arms free), lean over and face your interlocutor.
- Study what characterizes people. Don't settle for complimenting your appearance ("I like your sweater"), but instead try saying, "You always have a taste for matching the right accessories." If you know a person well, don't hesitate to tell them how kind and intelligent they are.
- To improve your relationship skills, read the article How to Improve Your Social Relationship Skills.
Step 2. Listen carefully
To interact with others, it is not enough to say the right thing. Refine your listening skills, giving maximum attention to your interlocutor. Don't look for the perfect answer and don't wait for the right moment to intervene: this way you will focus on yourself rather than on who is talking to you. Rather, encourage the person to have a conversation and show interest in what they say.
- Use non-verbal communication to show your attention by nodding your head, looking you in the eye and replying with small interjections such as "I see" or "sure".
- For more tips on how to develop your listening skills, read the article How to Be a Good Listener.
Step 3. Meet the people who belong to your community
Find someone you can share your interests with and get along with. Do not hesitate to ask a few questions to learn more (asking about the family, if they have pets, particular passions and so on), and make sure that those in front of you want to know you by asking you, in turn, some information about you.
- Meet new people by volunteering. If you love animals, volunteer at a shelter or animal welfare association. This way you will have more opportunities to meet other people who share this passion and establish an immediate connection.
- Find a group where members share the same interests. If you like knitting, try to find out if there are people close to you who practice this passion. Do some research on the internet and find a group to join.
- Do you want to learn how to make new friends? Read the article How to make friends.
Step 4. Find sincere friends
It is important to have solid friendships in the city where you live. Friendships lift the spirits, reduce stress, and offer life-long support. Look for people you can trust, loyal and encouraging. Also make sure that you respect the values you want in a friend by behaving towards them honestly, fairly and positively.
- Be spontaneous. Maybe the people you think are friends are not friends if you can't "be yourself" in their company. True friends appreciate you for who you are, accepting any aspect, however strange. If you have a hard time feeling in tune with someone or feel like you're trying too hard, turn the page and find a new friend.
- Be the friend you want to have. Think about the qualities you would like in a friend and behave in this way towards the people in your life.
Step 5. Adopt a pet
By adopting a dog or cat (or other pet) at an animal shelter, you could improve your health, especially thanks to their company. Those who own a dog tend to be less depressed, are better able to cope with stress and are less prone to anxiety.
- Go to your hometown kennel and help socialize a dog or cat who has lost his family and is alone. If you have the option, consider adopting a puppy.
- Of course, looking after a dog is a big responsibility. Therefore, make sure you can change your schedule in consideration of your new four-legged friend in order to offer him a fulfilling and loving life.
Step 6. Go to therapy
Sometimes the pain of loneliness is unbearable and prevents you from moving forward on your own. A therapist can help you overcome social anxiety, understand the feelings of betrayal or distrust that arose in the past, improve your relationship skills, and offer you support to move on. By contacting a psychotherapist, you will take the first step along the path that will allow you to live the life you want.
For more information, read the article How to Choose a Psychologist
Advice
- Find some activities at libraries, associations and centers in your city. Many organizations organize programs, conferences and other events to attend.
- Help when people you know are grieving or losing. Write a note for them. Bring them food and offer to listen to them. Listen carefully, don't talk about yourself.
- He greets people when they don't expect it, giving an affectionate smile and a kind word: the employee at the toll booth, the supermarket clerk, the parking attendant. If you have time, ask how they are or have a chat.
