Sometimes people enjoy being alone, but some are afraid of spending even short periods of time alone. Often, when a person feels ignored, unloved, and dissatisfied with himself, autophobia emerges. If finding yourself alone triggers a strong feeling of terror and isolation, you are probably suffering from this malaise. Fortunately, with willpower, a little persistence, and the support of others, you can learn to defeat him.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Assessing Your Situation
Step 1. Assess how severe your fear is
By having a clearer idea of the symptoms, you will be able to find your way around the best treatment methods and you will know how hard you will have to work to deal with this phobia without running the risk of aggravating your physical condition. Check for the following symptoms and see if they occur for six months or more:
- Strong and excessive fear of loneliness or the prospect of being alone;
- Immediate anxious reaction at the fact or the prospect of being alone, which can turn into a panic attack
- Personal awareness that it is an excessive fear of the danger of being alone;
- Avoid loneliness by manifesting severe anxiety or discomfort
- The anxiety felt at the idea of being alone or the discomfort of loneliness significantly compromises daily life, work (or school), social and interpersonal relationships;
- Discomfort and suffering due to autophobia itself.
Step 2. Pay attention to your doubts
Do you haunt any negative judgments about being alone? For example, you may fear that you are considered a loner, antisocial, or weird. Some are afraid of being seen as selfish and absent people because they spend their time on their own.
It is important to reflect on your thoughts when you are alone. In this way you will be able to go beyond the more superficial reasons that lead you to despise loneliness
Step 3. Keep a journal of your fears
Ask yourself if you are able to create your own happiness and take care of yourself. Then push yourself to think about everything others do for you that you are unable to do on your own. Consider what fears loneliness generates. As you update your diary, you will be able to better understand and clear up your phobia by answering the following questions:
- How long have you been living with this fear?
- Where did it start from?
- How did it evolve?
Step 4. Consider your role in close relationships
Typically, people who fear loneliness think they have to put in too much effort to keep their relationships going. Do you feel compelled to be close to others or to devote a great deal of time and energy to them?
- Try to be realistic about what others expect from you - think about how capable they are of getting by on their own. Also try to reflect on the people around you by supporting you or the fact that all in all they managed to move forward even before they knew you.
- The tendency to give people all the love and attention we would like to receive is quite complex. It could be because you have been deprived of the solitude necessary to develop your values and mature your character. In reality, absurdly, this attitude prevents us from concentrating on the most important aspects of relationships with others.
Part 2 of 3: Coping with Fear
Step 1. Prepare to face your phobia
Try to convince yourself that it is important to overcome this fear. List the pros and cons that come with the moments you spend alone. Remember to take into account the repercussions of this fear on your relationships, your passions, and your personal development.
Step 2. Set yourself goals
For example, you might decide to give yourself a quarter of an hour alone without being able to call, text or text anyone and for as long as you need to rework those fifteen minutes. Do this exercise four times a week.
- Step into loneliness gradually, assessing how severe your fear is. It is a process that takes time and patience. Take short moments of isolation. Gradually you will come to spend more time alone until you no longer feel overwhelmed by panic.
- Try ranking the scariest situations on a scale of 0 to 100, depending on how terrifying you find the prospect of loneliness. For example, you could assign 100 to an hour spent alone at home and 70 to a movie watched without other people's company. By ranking, you can prepare to gradually overcome the biggest fears once the less threatening ones are gone.
Step 3. Expose yourself to your fear
Try exposing yourself to one of the fears you placed at the bottom of your ranking. You will feel incredibly nervous and anxious at first, but bear in mind that this is normal. As time goes by, you will relax physically. Once you pass the most difficult tests, you will understand that you are able to be on your own. By exposing yourself to your fear, you will also be able to think more carefully about the causes behind the initial panic.
- Don't worry too much about panic or physical stress. Because you are deliberately exposing yourself to something that scares you, it is normal to breathe hard, feel your heart rate increase, and experience other physical symptoms of anxiety.
- The more time you spend alone, the stronger the anxiety will be. However, if you continue to expose yourself to your phobia, over time the anxiety will disappear. Slowly push yourself to your limits until you are satisfied with how much time you can spend alone. Imagine swimming - it can be thrilling to dip your feet into the water, but it's not enough to adjust to its temperature.
- Another option is FearFighter, a computer-assisted therapy program designed to combat phobias. It has been approved by the National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (or NICE, a body under the Ministry of Health in the UK) and has proven effective.
Step 4. Develop an emotional lifesaver
Since exposing yourself to fears can be very stressful, it is best to rely on an effective method to distract yourself if necessary. Try reciting the lines of some poem, doing some arithmetic in mind, or whispering encouraging phrases, like, "This feeling will pass. I've handled it before."
Remember that the less you use your life preserver, the harder the exposure to loneliness will be
Step 5. Keep track of your progress in a journal
During and after each exposure, record the panic you felt on a scale of 0 to 10, where 0 means you were completely relaxed, while 10 means the greatest fear you can imagine. This way you will understand how much you are desensitizing yourself to loneliness and how much fear you can safely handle.
- Take note of the pattern that emerged during the exposure when the anxiety seems very or not very violent. Are there other factors that affect your fear, such as weather conditions or the people you spent some time with over the course of the day?
- You can also use the journal to write down some encouraging thoughts, difficulties you encounter, and anything else "that comes to mind" related to your phobia. This way you will learn more about yourself and how your mental patterns work.
Part 3 of 3: Knowing How to Overcome Fear and Receive Support
Step 1. Ask for help from those around you
Are you looking to spend some time on your own? Let the people you usually hang out with that you'd rather not accept your company. Talking about your problem with those around you will allow both you and others to better understand and react to changes that may arise in your relationships.
Explain how much your relationship matters to you and that, in reality, spending more time alone will allow you to fuel it instead of ruining it. Express your gratitude that those around you understand how much you care about working on yourself first
Step 2. Be direct about your relationship needs
Stop chasing others and try to communicate openly what you expect from them. Try talking to people in your life about your needs for each other and what you expect from each other. You may find that they don't need constant contact or constant presence like you thought. By clarifying your requests, you will demonstrate that what you want is not complicated and that you do not impose particularly high expectations on others.
Step 3. Develop your interests
Spending time alone is valuable in itself because it teaches you to know yourself better and understand what you enjoy doing. Therefore, use the moments you spend on your own in a productive way, so that you don't get overwhelmed by anxiety or fear. Give yourself the opportunity to deepen your interests, your passions, your talents, your desires, your ambitions and your dreams.
- What benefits can you derive from the moments you spend alone with yourself? Everyone needs time to reflect, get to know each other better and enrich themselves internally. Consider everything you can learn about yourself when making a decision that is not subject to any kind of negotiation with others.
- Do you already have a passion that you can cultivate when you have time to be alone with yourself and express yourself, correcting and perfecting your skills? See loneliness as a gift you give to yourself to keep your interests alive.
Step 4. Become aware of the present
Before you act on impulse by calling someone or organizing your day to keep company, take some time. Write down anything that can make you anxious when there are no people around. Try to understand what you feel, become aware of it slowly, without trying to get rid of it. This way you will be able to stop and think the next time you want to escape from yourself to be with others.
- Other relaxation and anti-stress techniques work wonders when trying to manage tension. Sports, especially cardiovascular physical activity, such as running and swimming, allow the body to circulate endorphins and other chemicals that improve mood.
- Meditation, yoga and intentional breathing are more relaxing practices that allow you to reduce anxiety and control the impulse linked to the need to always be in company.
Step 5. Resort to positive visualization
To increase self-confidence as you try to overcome autophobia, use your mind to imagine whatever you want. Imagine living situations where you are alone successfully and easily and learning to appreciate the feeling of being autonomous. By visualizing yourself more confidently and independently, you will be more likely to become the person you already see clearly.
Step 6. Consult a therapist
Psychotherapy offers you a safe and secure space to explore and continue to overcome the underlying problems that cause autophobia. A specialist can guide you through this path.
