When parental trust is lost, it is normal for the situation to become difficult at home. In these cases, the children feel guilty, gagged, stripped or embarrassed, while the parents tend to feel offended, frustrated and exhausted. However, even if trust has been betrayed, it is possible to rebuild a sincere relationship and regain mutual respect by learning to communicate correctly, behave with respect and have clear expectations.
Steps
Part 1 of 4: Communicate
Step 1. Talk to your parents
Express your mood. It is possible that your perception of what they think does not match the way they actually judge your behavior. Be proactive and invite them to have a clarification, possibly in a neutral and distraction-free place (i.e., away from electronic devices), such as a park near your home.
Step 2. Listen to them
If you want to communicate profitably, learn to speak and listen. Try to put yourself in your parents' shoes and truly understand their intentions. If they tell you something that confuses or offends you, don't hesitate to investigate the matter. You can begin to rebuild a relationship based on trust only if you can reestablish communication.
Step 3. Apologize for betraying their trust
You have a chance to regain their trust if you sincerely apologize. In other words, you have to admit your mistakes, clearly reconstruct what happened, acknowledge the wrong or offense you have done, ask for forgiveness and propose a solution to avoid making mistakes again.
- Don't expect anything in return. Even if you would like to fix everything simply by apologizing, that's not necessarily enough. Your parents may not know the best way to react.
- The words you use are less important than the sincerity of your intentions.
- In addition to apologizing, you will also need to be forgiven.
Step 4. Ask your parents what you can do to regain their trust
The most obvious way to get it back is to ask what you can do. They don't necessarily know how to answer you right away, so give them time to decide.
Be honest when responding to their inquiries. If they seem to care about an unreasonable to-do list, tell them (without complaining) that you will have a hard time meeting their expectations. In this case, propose a compromise
Step 5. Trust them
Trust breeds trust. So by trusting them, you will encourage them to trust you. In fact, you may find that you are not capable of it. It's normal. This is a two-way street, not a path that runs along a single track, so you too need to start to trust them.
Part 2 of 4: Changing Behavior
Step 1. Spend more time with your family
This way, your relationship will improve in several ways. First, if you are mainly with your parents, they will not tend to doubt what you do in your free time. Secondly, by being in contact with them, you will be able to understand them, communicate better and mend relationships. Finally, they will appreciate your strengths, including a sense of humor, instead of thinking solely about the fact that you have betrayed their trust.
Step 2. Behave Responsibly
Don't shy away from household chores. Go pick up your brother from school. Offer to clear and wash the dishes after dinner. If you are sensible in everyday life, your parents will consider you a responsible person. It may not be enough to restore lost trust, but if this attitude is accompanied by other ingredients, such as open communication, it can help.
Step 3. Show your affection
If you let your parents understand that you care about them, yourself and the love that binds you, you will have an excellent starting point for rebuilding a relationship of mutual trust. You can show your affection in a number of ways, but start creating a calmer atmosphere.
Step 4. Find a remedy
If you have offended someone else besides your parents, apologize and try to make up for it. If you've asked your parents what you can do to regain their trust, meet their demands, even if they seem foolish to you. Although washing your father's car has no apparent connection with the possibility of regaining his esteem for you, giving him a hand will let him know that you are willing to help.
Step 5. Be ready to change
If you are willing to change in small respects - for example, by fixing the bed every morning without your mother telling you - they will realize that you are capable of changing in even more important aspects and, therefore, deserve their trust.
Part 3 of 4: Avoiding Opportunities That Compromise Trust
Step 1. Check your emotions
Situations that undermine trust in relationships often result from impulsive and hasty decisions. You will be more reliable if you behave rationally and keep your emotions at bay. If you feel unable to control your reactions, consider consulting a therapist to learn about some behavioral strategies.
Step 2. Understand your parents' expectations
You will have less difficulty meeting their expectations if you know what they don't tolerate. If you don't have a clue, ask him. If you've betrayed their trust lately, you should be more careful about behaviors they find unacceptable.
Step 3. Observe the house rules
You will have to live with your parents for several years. Surely there will be rules and expectations about what you should and shouldn't do while living under their roof. Respect them even if they seem unreasonable to you.
- Remember that one day you will go and live on your own and you can do it any way you like.
- Even if these years seem to last an eternity, time will pass and eventually you will find your own personal dimension.
Step 4. Avoid anything that could compromise your relationships
If there is a person, habit, activity, or situation that has affected trust in your relationships, avoid it at all costs. If you need help, don't hesitate to ask.
- If you are substance abuse, you should seek professional help to overcome the addiction.
- If there is a friend who is tricking you into making bad decisions, perhaps it is time to end this friendship or move away from him.
Part 4 of 4: Regaining the Betrayed Trust
Step 1. Gain their trust after a lie
If you lost it because they felt betrayed because of a lie (especially if it is repeated over time), you need to learn to be honest. By making a commitment to act sincerely and fairly, you will be able to regain their esteem. Unfortunately, it will take a long time.
Step 2. Stop breaking the rules
If the lack of confidence is because you didn't follow your parents' rules, such as not drinking alcohol or coming home by a certain time, talk to them.
- You have to understand what the rules are, why they exist and how to respect them.
- An open dialogue with your parents can help you make better decisions in the future.
Step 3. Relieve their sorrow
If you have wronged someone, you must remedy. If you hurt them by doing something that disappointed or hurt them, try to understand what they are feeling.
You can learn to make up for your mistakes by putting yourself in your parents' shoes and imagining the excuses you would like to receive in their place
Step 4. Compensate for material damage
If you have destroyed something, such as a car or public property, you must do everything possible to repair the damage. In other words, you could paint graffiti, fix a dent on a car, or remove toilet paper from trees. However, you could also offer to pay for the cost of repairs, such as after a car accident.
Step 5. Accept financial responsibilities
If you did something that forced someone else to spend money, you should offer financial compensation to the injured party. Even if you are forced to give up your weekly allowance for a long time, assuming your responsibilities, you can show that you understand the consequences of your actions.
Advice
- Commit and try to take initiatives and take on new responsibilities.
- It will likely take a long time for you and your parents to calm down. Try talking when you are calmer.
- Time heals all wounds. You may not regain their trust soon, but it will happen. Do not give up.
- Realize that no one is perfect (not even you and your parents) and that everyone can make mistakes.
- It is not easy to regain parental trust. If you've done something serious that deceived them, like sneaking out of the house late at night, don't hesitate to apologize! Even the smallest gestures can help: make yourself useful around the house without being asked, get good grades at school, tell your mother that she is beautiful and that you love her, make her breakfast or give her a foot massage, help your father to fix something, tell him you love him, give him a shirt and so on.
- Ask what you can do to gain their trust, but Not right after he betrayed her. If you are impatient, you will only give the impression that you want to take off a burden.
