It is always worth taking the time to cultivate a friendship. As the years go by, some people will stay by your side, while others won't and you will understand that any lasting friendship is a gift of incalculable value. Of course, in order to have a good friend, it is essential to be as well, devoting efforts and attention to the person in question. Read this article and find out how you can establish a trusted friendship, be there in times of need, and how to make it last over time.
Steps
Part 1 of 4: Being Reliable
Step 1. Keep your promises
Never make a promise if you can't keep it and, above all, don't make it a habit. If, shortly before an appointment with a friend, you run into a legitimate unexpected event, explain the situation with sincerity and trust in the strength of your friendship: surely a "no" will be accepted as if it were a "yes". No one is perfect and it's acceptable if, for once, you can't keep a promise, but avoid doing it often.
When you make a serious promise, look your friend in the eye and speak very slowly; this way your friend will understand that you mean it and not that you say it just to say something
Step 2. Be trustworthy
It is one of the fundamental aspects of being a good friend. Nobody wants a fake person as a friend; it is difficult to trust those who are not honest and do not keep their promises. We all know the kind of people who say "Okay, I'll do it" but then they don't do anything. If you are one of these, know that you will lose the trust of your friends, who will no longer believe your words.
- Don't make promises if you already know you won't be able to keep them. Be honest and talk to your friend about it, explaining that you're not sure you can do it.
- Your friends should always be able to count on you, even when the situation is difficult. If you are only there in good times, you will never be a true friend.
Step 3. Apologize when you act incorrectly
If you want your friends to trust you, don't act like you're perfect. If you made a mistake, confess it instead of lying and pretending nothing happened; even if your friends won't be happy with your mistake, they will appreciate you for showing maturity by admitting your faults instead of lying by blaming someone else.
When you apologize, you really have to think so. Your friends need to hear the sincerity in your voice, otherwise they may think you don't care about their feelings
Step 4. Be honest
If you want to be a good friend and you want people to trust you, then you need to be honest about your feelings, your friends' actions, and how you feel within the relationship. If you are honest, you will open a dialogue with your friends who will be more likely to confide in you. If a friend has hurt you, don't be afraid to talk about it; if something makes you feel bad, don't be too shy and bring it up with your friend.
- Being honest is a far cry from being so blunt that it hurts your friends' feelings; If you think your friend has a drinking problem, then talk to them and try to help them, but if a friend of yours feels bad about the dress she's wearing, you better keep your mouth shut.
- Be authentic. Seek friendship from people you appreciate and with whom you could be friends for a long time. Invest your time with people you can be yourself with. If you are not sincere, you will have little chance of having true friends.
Step 5. Express your disagreement in a respectful way
If a friend of yours says something that you think is objectionable or you have a different opinion than theirs, you can safely say it! Let them know what you think and why. However, you need to make sure you are respectful when expressing your point.
- If you are upset, take a moment to consider your feelings and reactions, including physical ones. It is normal to get angry, but it is easier to respond respectfully if you take the time to recover your composure first.
- Try to approach the issue with curiosity and a desire to know more about your friend's opinions.
- Be direct when you voice your thoughts and don't be afraid to do so. It is not easy to object to a friend, especially if they have done or said something nasty or mean.
Step 6. Don't manipulate people
If a friend thinks you are using it, then they will drop you immediately, like when you drop a hot potato. True friendship does not arise from the hope of joining a circle of people or exploiting someone's popularity. If you try to be friends with someone just to join a certain group or because you would like to get to know another person, it is not about friendship, but about opportunism and you will eventually regret the superficial nature of your involvement.
- If you have a reputation for being an opportunist, no one will want to be your friend.
- Friendship is give and take. Sure, you might want to have a friend give you a ride every morning, but make sure you can do something for him in return.
Step 7. Be loyal
If your friend reveals something to you in confidence, respect his confidentiality and don't tell anyone about it; that's what you want too. Don't talk about your friend behind his back and don't spread news about his confidence in you. Never gossip about friends and never cheat on them! Avoid stating something about a friend that you wouldn't even tell them in person. Be loyal to your friends and be prepared to stand up for them if someone you know talks badly about them.
- Being loyal also means realizing the value of a lasting friendship; don't throw it away to spend all your time with your new partner or someone you've just met.
- If you have a reputation as someone who can't keep secrets, your friends will have a hard time confiding in each other and won't want to spend much time with you anymore.
- Don't let others speak ill of your friend. Until you've had a chance to hear your friend's version, consider negative comments like rumors and gossip. If you are told something unreliable about your friend, then say, "I know him, and it doesn't seem possible. Let me talk to him and hear his point of view. If that's true, I'll let you know. Until then., I would like you not to spread this rumor, because it could be false!"
Step 8. Be respectful
Good friends respect each other and show this by openly and mutually supporting each other. If your friend has values and principles that you don't share, respect their choices and make yourself available to listen to them. If you want your friend to trust you, then make him feel comfortable even when you talk about topics you don't agree with or don't care about. If you systematically reject any of his cute and original ideas, your friendship won't have much value.
- In some cases your friend will say things that you find boring, embarrassing or annoying, but if you have respect for your friend, you will overlook these feelings and listen to him openly, giving him a way to express what he wants with the certainty of being able to do it without being judged.
- There will be times when you disagree. Instead of demanding that your friend change their mind, express your disagreement with respect and accept differences of opinion.
Part 2 of 4: Remember to Include Friends
Step 1. Never make your friends feel excluded
This is a fundamental element of a healthy friendship. Just because you've started dating someone doesn't mean your friends don't matter anymore! Remember that they are always there for you - when the person you like is dating someone else, when you are grieving the end of a relationship, when you are bullied in school. Repay by doing the same for them!
Part 3 of 4: Being Supportive
Step 1. Be selfless
While you can't always be, it's very important if you want to be a good friend. Fulfill the wishes of your friends whenever you can, as long as it's mutual. Give back the acts of generosity and your friendship will last a long time. If you have a reputation as a selfish person who only seeks out his friends when he needs them, your acquaintances may feel that you don't pay them due attention.
- Do a friend a favor only if it comes from your heart and not because you expect something in return.
- There is a difference between being selfless at the right time and being stepped on; if you seem to always help your friends and never get anything in return, then you have a problem.
- Do not pretend and do not abuse generosity and do not take advantage of hospitality. When your friend does something nice for you, reciprocate asap. Pay him back promptly if he lends you money. Go home when the right time has come to do so.
Step 2. Listen and don't monopolize the conversation; take the time to fully understand what your friend is saying to you and to support him
It may sound simple, but make sure you listen as much as you talk about yourself. If you only ever talk about yourself, your friend will get nothing out of your friendship; knowing how to listen reduces the space between you and makes your friend understand that you care about him.
- Wait for your friend to finish telling him before talking to him about yourself: your availability will be evident.
- Try to find a balance by letting your friend talk half the time. While some people are more shy than others, if your friend thinks they can't talk freely with you, your friendship won't be of much value.
- If you accidentally interrupt it, say something like, "Oh, I'm sorry! Continue".
Step 3. Help your friends cope with their problems
To be able to help them, you need to be there in their time of need. If you feel your friend is getting into trouble he can't control, such as taking drugs, acting ambiguously, or getting drunk at a party, help him out of the situation.
- Don't think he's old enough to fend for himself: it could be the occasion when the voice of your reason is needed to awaken him from his confused state. If there is a problem, talk about it; no matter how embarrassing it is.
- Let your friend know that he will always have a shoulder to cry on during a difficult time; if he feels less alone, it will be easier for him to get out of trouble.
- If your friend just wants to talk about their problems, this may be fine at first, but also try to help them find a practical solution.
- For example, if your friend admits he has an eating disorder and promises to eat better, look for a more suitable solution for him, such as getting him to talk to a nutritionist.
Step 4. Help your friend in time of need
If he has to go to the hospital, visit him; if he loses his dog, help him research; if he needs someone to pick him up, you do it. Take notes at school and tell him about homework when you know he will be absent because he is ill. Send them cards and gifts when you are away. If he is facing a family bereavement, you may want to accompany him to the funeral. Let him know that he can always count on you, under any circumstances.
- Make sure your friend isn't always in a crisis, however tough it may be; you should be there in difficult times, okay, but your friendship cannot be based solely on this.
- Helping a friend overcome a crisis also means giving him moral support. Stay close to him and let him vent by listening carefully; don't say anything if you don't seem to find the right words: just hug him and let him know that you are there.
- If a friend of yours is going through a crisis, don't tell him "It will be okay" if it doesn't. Although, in some cases, it is difficult to avoid telling this lie, false assurances can do more harm than the truth. Let your friend know that you will be by his side to do whatever he needs. Be honest, but cheerful and positive.
- If your friend says he is thinking about suicide, tell someone. This rule takes priority over his privacy, because even if your friend begs you not to tell anyone, you still have to do it. Suggest that your friend call a support line or get help from a professional. Talk to your parents and your friend's parents or their spouse right away, if they are not causing the problem, before involving anyone else.
Step 5. Give thoughtful advice
To be a good friend, you should give advice trying to find a solution to your friend's problems, but don't insist that he follow what you say at all costs. Don't judge your friend - simply recommend him when he asks for your opinion.
- Avoid giving unsolicited advice. Let him vent when he needs it and be willing to help him when he asks. Always ask before giving advice.
- In some cases, your friend will need to hear the hard truth in order to stay away from dangerous situations. Be discreet: You don't want to teach your friend a lesson or impose something on him. Tell him how you interpret the situation by citing facts and letting him know how you would behave if you were in the same situation.
Step 6. Give your friend space when they need it
Being supportive also means understanding that your friend doesn't want to spend time with you every now and then. Learn to step back and give them space. Know when your friend needs to be alone or hang out with other people; there is no need to become suffocating or overwhelming. If you are asphyxiating and call your friend every two seconds when you are not together, you will appear possessive and he will not like that.
- Don't be jealous if your friend is dating other people. Every relationship is special and different, and that doesn't mean they don't love you.
- Allowing the other to associate with third parties will give you the opportunity to breathe new air and to appreciate each other's company even more when you get together.
Part 4 of 4: Making Your Friendship Last
Step 1. Learn to forgive
If you want your friendship to last, be ready to forgive your friend and move on. If you hold a grudge and let resentment and bitterness take over, you won't be able to move on. Remember that no one is perfect, and if your friend is truly repentant and hasn't done something horrible, you should be able to forgive him.
- If your friend has done something really serious and unforgivable, then it's better to let it go, instead of trying to save a friendship that no longer has a reason to exist. However, this should happen very rarely.
- If you are angry with your friend, but you haven't told him why, you will never be able to forgive him; first you have to talk about it.
Step 2. Accept your friend for who he is
To make your friendship last, you will never have to try to change your friend or impose your beliefs on him. If you have different political ideals, accept it instead of fighting over the same things every day. You should be happy with the new perspectives it offers you, instead of wanting to impose yours at all costs.
The more you spend time with another person, the less you idealize them and, therefore, the better you learn to accept them as they are. In fact, being a good friend is caring for the other person despite their flaws
Step 3. Go beyond your responsibilities
A friend will wait for you to finish your homework; a great friend will help you get them all evening. Remember that if you are a good friend, others will be with you too. Know when to go above and beyond to help your friend; this will grow your friendship and he will reciprocate when you need it.
If your friend really needs you, but keeps saying "No, you don't need to", learn to read between the lines to understand that he wants you to be close to him
Step 4. Build old friendships
As the years go by, people tend to drift apart. For example, you and a friend may move to different locations and only rarely see each other. Sometimes it may take years without you having any contact. If you've never stopped loving him, let him know. He'll be happy to know. There is a reason you have been friends in the past and you may find that that bond that united you still exists.
- Don't let where you live determine the strength of your bond; if your friendship is important, it will continue to grow, even if you were to be overseas.
- Make it a goal to call or Skype your friend at least once a month, even if you have a different time zone. If it becomes routine, your friendship will last a long time.
Step 5. Let the relationship evolve
If you want to be a good friend, then you have to understand that your friendship will not stay the same over the years; as kids you were always together but, over the years, starting to work or to have a serious and stable love relationship, you spend less time in each other's company. This does not mean that your friendship is faltering: it means that your lives are evolving and, consequently, your relationship as well.
- Do not think that your friendship may be as it was ten years ago: it is elastic, not rigid.
- If your best friend is married and has children or just living together, respect their space; it is normal that I do not call you every day as it once did.
- Appreciate the changes in your relationship over the years and learn to grow with it.
- Remember that the other person must also be a good friend to you.
Advice
- Don't try to imitate your friend - differences are the foundation of a great friendship. Additionally, you may become irritating and not appear trustworthy. Show your differences with pride!
- Enjoy each other's company. It's not just about broken hearts and advice for lovers (or, at least, that's how it should be). Make sure you have fun together with spontaneity and freedom. Try to be a positive element in your friend's life.
- You don't have to spend time or money to be a good friend. The best gifts are often handmade and with the heart or come from your time and skills. A phone call can be worth more than a visit.
- Don't set too many rules and expectations. It is best to allow the friendship to evolve and change naturally.
- Good communication is essential for friendship. If you and your friend are unable to speak openly, you are facing a difficult relationship and perhaps destined to end.
- Let your friend know how much you appreciate his company or how much he was able to be around you when you needed it. You will make him happy and strengthen your friendship.
- A friend who is only available at school or work is still a friend. Be grateful for that special friendship associated with the place you hang out together and love each other wherever you are.
- If your friend made you a promise but didn't keep it, don't make the same or it will create a vicious circle.
- Stimulate a friend by highlighting a trait they are proud of. The better you know your friend, the easier it will be to find topics that will make him feel more peaceful, instead of depressing him.
Warnings
- If your friend makes new acquaintances, don't be jealous. Nobody likes a jealous friend. Trust your friendship.
- Nobody likes a friend who insults them, so be careful when making fun of someone! If your friend asks you to stop, do it.
- If your friend does not return your kindness and attention, there is no reason to remain friends. Don't stick with someone who doesn't treat you well.
- When you spend time with your friend, for a lunch together or a date, you should both turn off your cell phone. It's not easy to talk to someone whose phone is ringing all the time. He may think that you don't value the time you spend together.
- Don't share your feelings with someone you can't trust.
- Don't expect instant or lifelong friendships; remember that special things develop over time.
- Avoid topics that can make your friend uncomfortable. Nobody likes the company of a restless or uncomfortable person. For example, if your friend just lost a relative, don't talk about death. NOTE: It is okay to ask questions about your feelings about death, perhaps you may want help coping with the situation. Ignoring it is simply not correct.
