Values are the moral and ethical principles that guide you in the decisions you make and the life choices you make. You can probably describe your values quite well as an individual, but defining family values is a little more complex as more people are involved. However, by reflecting and communicating, you can define your family values effectively.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Reflect on Your Priorities
Step 1. Analyze your family and personal values
Values are of great importance in life and, despite the fact that they are personal, we rarely choose them. To fully analyze your values, think about your childhood and determine which ones you were inculcated.
- Think about specific values. Did your parents, for example, give a lot of importance to religion, education, money? What impact did these values have on your formative years?
- Ask your parents to tell you about their values. Ask them what values they considered important and have them explain how they made them an integral part of your development.
Step 2. Reflect on your most important life choices
Once you have analyzed the values that marked your childhood, think about whether you have kept those ideas throughout your life. So, think about the most meaningful decisions you have had to make. Is your family life a reflection of the values you grew up with? Or have you evolved and changed over time? These questions can help you identify your values.
- Think about your career choices too. If you believe it is important to fight for social equality, have you made professional choices in line with this value, for example working in the social sector?
- One way to trace your values is to observe how you spend the money. Are your biggest expenses for entertainment? For travel? Do you make charitable donations or support political causes?
Step 3. Consider common values
Make a list of all the values you think are important, then ask other family members to do the same and rank the values they have listed by importance. This way you will make everyone think about their values and you can determine which ones are shared.
- Possible shared values include: honesty, balance, thoughtfulness, generosity, health, humor, education, wisdom, leadership and compassion.
- When you consider values such as cooperation, economic stability, humility, patience, think about your family and how you live those values in the family context.
- Try dividing the values into categories. For example, you can use categories such as: Personality, Career, Family, Friends, Health. By breaking down the values you can clarify which ones you think are most important.
Part 2 of 3: Communicating with your Family
Step 1. Ask questions
After thinking about your personal values, you need to understand how to integrate them into the family context. To do this, it is essential that family members know how to communicate effectively with each other. The first step is to ask questions.
- Gather the family in a discussion about values. Start by asking open-ended questions like "What do we value most as a family?"
- You can also try "What makes you happy? How does this affect our family?"
- Other helpful questions include "What aspect of our family are you most proud of?" and "What makes you look forward to going home when you are away?"
- Also try "What embarrasses you about our family?" and "What does our family offer you that you can't get from friends?"
- It is preferable for each family member to answer the questions individually so that you can compare the answers openly.
- Encourage others to ask questions as well.
Step 2. Know how to listen
During the discussion it is important to have good listening skills. To show that you are listening, ask additional questions based on the answers you get. If your partner, for example, says they value honesty, ask how to get the family to focus more on that value.
- Even some non-verbal cues can show others that you are listening carefully. Nod when someone is speaking and smile to show you appreciate their words.
- Limit interruptions. This is an important conversation: ask everyone to put away their cell phones and turn off the TV.
Step 3. Consolidate family values
After spending time together discussing family values, it's time to define them more clearly. Get together and make a list of the most important values, the ones that make up the guidelines by which your family wants to live.
- Putting everything on paper can help to clarify what the shared values are.
- Write concepts such as "helping society" or "religion / spirituality" or "communicating honestly with other family members".
- Ask each one to choose the 3 or 4 values that they think are most important. Once all of them are combined you will have a not very long list of values to use.
- For example, if safety is placed among your family's primary values, each can explain how they intend to adhere to that value. You could promise not to exceed the speed limit; your daughter may make a commitment to always wear a helmet.
Step 4. Make sure you involve the children
Everyone must participate in establishing family values. If you have teenagers, you need to make sure they know they are playing an important role in the process. Reassure them with phrases like "We value what you say. What do you think of education as a primary value of our family?"
- You can also encourage them to explain their views. Try saying "What do you think of this choice?" or "Why do you think a sense of humor is an important value in our family?"
- If you have young children, find other ways to involve them. For example, they can make a picture that represents what they love most about the family.
Step 5. Write a mission statement
After reflecting on your values and discussing them with your family, you should have good guidance on how to define family values. One way to make them more solid and concrete is to write a mission statement. This document is a formal statement reporting your family's shared values; within it you can also include the objectives you want to achieve.
- Write down the goal your family sets out to achieve and possible strategies to help you stay focused on that goal.
- Try writing an introduction that explains why your family has chosen those specific values. You can say, for example, that you are committed to respecting those values because they help make the right life choices. There is no need to dwell on it, a paragraph is enough.
- List the values. You can divide them by categories like: Health, Happiness, Balance, Stability. Then indicate how your family plans to adhere to each listed value.
- You can print the mission statement and frame it, so there will always be something to remind you of your values and priorities.
Part 3 of 3: Putting Values into Practice
Step 1. Think about your values every day
Just ask yourself questions for a few minutes at the end of each day. You may ask yourself "How are my shares related to Value # 1 today? And to Value # 2?" This operation won't take you long, but it will help you to always keep in mind the values you care about.
Advise everyone to get into this habit. Once you have created a mission statement, it will be easy to consult it daily to remember your values
Step 2. Be united as a family
To do this it is essential to spend quality time together. The more time you spend with each other the more shared experiences you will have. These beautiful moments will allow you to get to know each other better and to discover what matters most to each one and to the whole family.
- Set aside time to spend with your family. Even something as simple as having dinner together is enough. You can also decide to dedicate Saturdays to family activities.
- Let everyone have their say about family activities. For example, if your daughter likes hiking, you can do one all together.
Step 3. Make positive life choices
Your values play a fundamental role in the decision-making processes that affect you. Before making any choices that have a big impact on your life, remember your family values. For example, if education is an important family value, choose an apartment in an area with good schools.
Discuss important choices with the whole family. Before any major changes, hold a family meeting to discuss whether the potential changes are in line with family values
Step 4. Be a model of your values
The best way to integrate family values into daily life is to make sure that your actions are in accord with them. Whenever you make a choice, think about whether it is in harmony with your core family values.
- If honesty is the number one value in your family, try to always be honest and straightforward. Apply this value to your professional life and social relationships as well.
- Modeling, or modeling, is the best way to teach values to your children. If a value you want to instill is respect, be an appropriate role model: always address others in a respectful manner.
Step 5. Commit to achieving family goals using family values
The importance of values lies in the fact that they help us identify the right choices and actions to take. When you think about your family's goals, then, do it from the perspective of family values, as they will likely play a key role in pursuing those goals.
- Is learning one of your family values? Think about how you can turn it into a concrete goal and how your family can focus on it. For example, you can learn a new language all together or take a cooking class. In this way you will integrate family values and goals.
- To give another example, if family values include financial responsibility, this principle can guide all family members to avoid spending sprees and save for travel or college expenses.
Advice
- Give yourself enough time to think carefully about the values and goals you feel are important.
- Be flexible. It is normal and acceptable for one's values to change over time.
