You are in a great mood and the day is going great. Suddenly you feel drained of energy and demoralized. Because? You just had to deal with someone's bad attitude, which has had a negative effect on your mood. Learning to identify and avoid these toxic personalities can help you stay positive. Learn to take control of your life.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Recognizing Toxic People
Step 1. Learn to recognize the traits of negative people
We all have bad days. For toxic people, however, these negative moments can be constant. If a person has a negative attitude for more than a few days a week, you may be dealing with a toxic personality. Keep an eye out for the following traits:
- Nervous attitude;
- Angry sadness;
- Constant complaints;
- Tendency to be sticky
- Tendency to criticize a lot;
- Negative or cynical worldview.
Step 2. Pay more attention to the energy of the people around you
If you are the friendly type, it can often be difficult to recognize toxic people. You can, however, learn to evaluate people's attitudes to better identify their negativity.
- Have you ever walked into a store and received a warm welcome from enthusiastic employees? It is a great experience that will inspire you to return. Being in the presence of negative people is like walking into a shop where the mood is bad and the people who work there barely greet you. You would immediately notice that the environment is unpleasant.
- Pay attention to body language and tone of voice. Listen to sounds, more than words. You will be able to tell when people are acting out scripts. How do they behave with you? What do they think when they talk?
Step 3. Beware of regularly angry people
Anger, yelling, and negative criticism are clear signs of a toxic personality. People who give in to anger often need a lot of help, but it's not your job to be a lightning rod. Dating such a person will make you angry too. Don't fall into the trap of negativity.
- All people who raise their voices often are likely to have problems with anger. Those who can control their emotions usually don't feel the need to scream.
- Also beware of subtle anger that is repressed. Some people don't talk much, but they use body language and suppress their anger. These people can explode at the strangest times that normally shouldn't arouse anger.
Step 4. Pay attention to people with a negative world view
Do you know someone who sees the dark side of everything? Oddly, sad-looking people love company, so they often want to unite and compete over their unhappiness. They will then try to drag you into their sadness.
- People with a very negative worldview are often competitive about their unhappiness and try to overcome the sadness of others. These people see the mistakes of others as great failures and have a hard time forgiving.
- Beware of people who always talk about their failures and sadness, even if they do it in a cheerful way. Anyone who criticizes the failures of others, or seems too cynical, could have this toxic personality.
Step 5. Beware of people who are constantly seeking attention
Insecure people need the approval of others to assert their individual worth. They want your attention and they need to be at the center of it all. This constant need can exhaust you.
- Look for signs of this personality type on Facebook and other social networks. "Bragging with humility" and posting obsessively can be signs of a toxic personality.
- These types of people often feel the need to "get over" the stories of others, or are always trying to bring the conversation back to them.
Step 6. Watch out for people who talk about gossip
Instead of supporting others, gossips feed on envy. Gossip can be exciting in some cases, making you feel closer to the gossip with you - which can make it difficult to avoid. If you've ever talked about gossip, you're not the only one.
Gossipers always compare themselves to others and are therefore often disappointed by their own failures. The neighbour's grass is not always greener
Step 7. Beware of people who try to scare others
For these people, everything is scary and their anxieties can be contagious. Fear gives these people a sense of security and communicating it to others gives them purpose. For you, however, it is a very negative attitude.
Beware of pessimists who always see everything dark. If you are looking to talk about the wonderful vacation you are about to take, such a person will tell you about all the deadly diseases you could catch on the airplane and the various dangers of travel
Part 2 of 3: How to Deal With Toxic People
Step 1. Consider the people you hang out with
Do the people in your life bring out the best in you? Or do you absorb their negativity like a sponge? Using the criteria discussed in the previous section, try to write a list of potentially toxic relationships in your life, as well as a specific and detailed plan for dealing with them. Consider the following people:
- Your partner;
- Your exes;
- Friends;
- Family members;
- Colleagues;
- Neighbors;
- Acquaintances.
Step 2. Try to accept people for who they are
Toxic personalities are toxic only if they negatively affect you. You can be friends with people with anger problems. You can be friends with negative people. They don't necessarily have something wrong with them. Accept people for who they are, but don't let them influence you.
- Also accept yourself for who you are. If you are a positive person, you may not be able to hang out with negative ones. That doesn't make you a worse person. You just have to know what's best for you.
- Negative emotions have a deadline. They don't last forever and quickly pass. You don't always have to carry the negativity you absorb from an encounter with you.
Step 3. Express your understanding
If people want to spread their anxieties, send the negativity back to the sender. For example, if they insist your new job won't be successful, ask them "Well, what if it doesn't fail?". Help them see opportunities instead of negative outcomes.
Don't try to change people. Remember that you cannot change others, only yourself, so don't feel pressured to be responsible or to feel compassion for them. You can only help a negative person when you are no longer under their influence
Step 4. Learn to detach yourself
If you don't like what a person says, stop paying attention. Only follow the positive and constructive parts of the conversation, so start daydreaming when the person starts focusing on the negativity.
- Be positive and supportive when you are the one talking. If your friend doesn't stop saying his job is terrible and he hates every aspect of it, don't imitate him. Tell him "At least they offer us lunch." In this way you create distance between you. He may speak negatively more rarely if you show that you don't want to talk about things this way.
- Use a cue to remind yourself to listen selectively. It could be something like pulling your hair, pressing your nails into your palm, turning your wrist, tapping your knee, etc. Remind the body that negativity is coming and that you need to avoid it.
Step 5. Change the conversation topic
If you don't like what someone is saying, change the subject. If you get negativity, start talking about something else. Whenever a person tries to shift the conversation to something negative, they find another topic to talk about. If a friend says "Work sucks and my boss is a pain in the ass," change direction. Tell him "True. At least we have football. What matches did you see on Sunday?".
- If a person tries to blame someone else for a problem, keep calm. Focus on solving the problem and on the bright side of things, instead of being sucked into negativity.
- Limit yourself to facts with hot-tempered people. Suggest what needs to be done to solve a problem. If they get angry, step away from them and give them space and time to calm down.
Step 6. Start minimizing interactions with toxic people
If you are having trouble dealing with the negativity that people bring into your life, it may be time to start limiting these interactions a lot. You can't change the way people behave, but you can avoid the toxic ones.
- If you are the one who regularly initiates interactions with a toxic person, stop doing it. In the event that this person stopped looking for you, you would understand that he did not give much importance to your relationship.
- If someone asks you if something is wrong, answer honestly. You say, "I can't handle your negativity. You are often very negative and I don't like how this makes me feel. I like you, but I think we should see each other less."
Step 7. Stop toxic relationships altogether.
If a person is really affecting your mental health and well-being with their negativity, end the relationship. Stop seeing the person if they can't be positive in your presence.
Don't try to use ultimatums if you're talking about someone's personality. Telling a person "We can hang out, but only if you're not negative" would be like saying you could only see each other if they were a different person. If that's not possible, you'll have to accept it. Be honest
Part 3 of 3: Save Yourself
Step 1. Think about your wishes and needs
What is really important to you? What do you want from life? Know what you like and don't like and imagine how you would like your future to be. Listen to what other people are saying, but remember that the last word is up to you. You are master of your actions.
Write down your short and long term plans in black and white. Post them to a wall where you can always read them and regain concentration. This will help you in difficult times and when you feel tempted to resume old negative habits
Step 2. Make your own decisions
Many people go through life by saying "My parents wanted me to do X, so I did X" or "My wife wanted to move to city X, so we went to city X". Do you want someone else to make the decisions for you? Make a choice, bad or good, and face the consequences.
Don't let other people or their preferences be excuses for your behaviors. Saying "I would be happy if X were different" is another way of saying "I don't decide my life". It is true that it is often necessary to make compromises with the people who are close to you. Don't let compromises become the only way to solve problems though
Step 3. Surround yourself with like-minded people
Why hang out with people you don't like? Surround yourself with those who can help you develop a healthy body and mind. Find optimistic, positive, and happy people.
- The more time you spend with such people, the happier and more peaceful you will feel. Their healthy, positive and constructive attitudes are contagious and will help you stay on the right path.
- Consider making big changes in life if necessary. Change your city or job if you are surrounded by negative people in your current situation. End negative relationships and start new ones with people who can make you better instead of dragging you down.
Step 4. Be positive wherever you go
Use the example of the positive people in your life to guide you away from toxic people. Try to look like those people by seeing the best in others and by complimenting others' positives. Have a cheerful attitude. Receive and congratulate with gratitude, look people in the eye and smile.
Step 5. Make relaxation a life priority
If you are constantly confronted with the negativity of others, you need to work to eliminate the stress. Find something that calms you down, keeps you centered, and you can take refuge in when you need to find new energy. Some of the more common techniques for relieving stress include:
- Meditation;
- Yoga;
- Excursions or walks in nature;
- Martial arts.
Advice
- Find one thing a day to be thankful for.
- Spend as little time as possible with negative people. Even if it's five minutes a day, it's five minutes less productive and positive for you.
- Don't worry about sounding unsociable if you want to distance yourself from certain people. Remember that you are the most important person in your life. Only you know what's best for you.
- Frame a note on which you have written "Always be grateful". Place the frame where you can always see it.
- Analyze your relationships. You will find that you will be able to remove negative thoughts and replace them with happier and more productive ones.
Warnings
- Make sure your basic social needs are met. Set appropriate limits so that you don't allow other people's negativity to invade your life and happiness.
- In some cases, people who have mental problems or who are injured by a toxic person exhibit traits similar to those described in the article. If they abuse you, distance yourself from them anyway, because you don't deserve to be abused. But if it's just pessimistic or affectionate people who don't abuse you, consider helping them and when their problems are resolved, enjoy their newfound positivity.
- If you decide to help others, remember that you are not responsible for their recovery. Your only job is to help out in a difficult time. Do this only if you can handle the negativity, if the boundaries between you are healthy, and if you are not being abused.
- Some personality disorders, such as narcissistic, antisocial, borderline and histrionic are difficult to cure even for therapists; often these personalities have a tendency to be toxic and to commit abuse. It is not recommended to try to help these people, especially if they refuse the help of professionals.
