There are bullies of all kinds and, sooner or later, we are all forced to confront some at some point, especially as children, but also as adults - recent statistics show that one in four children are bullied. But bullying is a serious problem, not only at school, but also at work, at home, in the military, in the park and even in retirement homes. Bullies must be approached with caution and the cycle must be stopped.
Steps
Part 1 of 4: Developing Defense Mechanisms
Step 1. Show minimal reactions to bullying
Don't let the bully know that you feel hurt and that he has managed to influence you; just walk away. Bullies find satisfaction when they hurt or make other people feel uncomfortable, so reacting to them will only encourage them. A bully wants attention, and if you let him know that you are feeling emotionally hurt, he will derive more pleasure from his actions.
- This tactic can have negative consequences based on the bully, so evaluate the situation carefully. Some bullies will feel safe when they pester you (because the action amuses them) if they see that their actions don't seem to be affecting you.
- You can't make an irrational person think. Walk away with dignity, saying you have better ways to occupy your time. If the bullying continues, stand up for it. Regardless of whether you solve your personal problem, remember to stand up for other victims of bullying.
Step 2. Feel your inner strength
Each of us has an inner strength to draw upon; many bullies try to make you feel lacking in this strength and diminish your worth as a person for it. It is not so; beware of trying to belittle yourself and make you feel weak.
Sometimes we think they can take away everything we have as a person. You believe you are stronger than them, because deep down you are stronger than them and than they can ever be
Step 3. Avoid bullies, whether at school or at social events
If you go to the same places, try to change your environment, because if they can't find you they can't even abuse you. Do not approach a bully and do your best to avoid him, but without him realizing it, otherwise you will get the opposite effect: he will torment you even more by believing that you are afraid of him.
Always walk with a friend; two people know how to defend themselves better than one. Bullies are often not as brave when taken individually. They don't want to get in trouble, and if you're surrounded by lots of friends, it could happen
Step 4. Don't make jokes about yourself to show they can't hurt you
They will have even more fun and continue to humiliate you to lower your self-esteem. All you will do is lower yourself to its level and the target will still be you.
Bullying is not fun at all - whether the victim is you or someone else. If you give your consent to the bully's actions, you will only make the problem worse. Jokes are not appropriate in this situation, even if you think they can release the tension. All they do is add fuel to the fire
Step 5. Respond to insults if a bully taunts you with words
If the fight takes place in public, the bully could turn into a laughingstock; being humiliated in public is any bully's worst nightmare, because he will lose his position of dominance over you. Remember not to satisfy his desire for attention, as this will allow him to hurt you further.
Avoid insulting a bully who is capable of physically assaulting you, as it will cause a war you cannot win. Instead of making it worse, walk away. Report the event to any adults or the authorities if you believe you are in danger
Step 6. Outsmart the bully
Bullies are usually not very smart or cunning, and you can use this to your advantage. Here are some ideas:
- Laugh at everything he says, and the worse the insult, the harder you should laugh. Try to think of something really funny and laugh out loud. This will be frustrating for the bullies, because they want you to cry, not you to laugh.
- Scream a quote at the top of your lungs in his face. You should only try to do this when a bully is really bothering you. You can use the quote you prefer, the important thing is that it is random. A bully may be so surprised that it causes laughter, or at the very least, walk away. If they think you're crazy, mission accomplished!
Part 2 of 4: Improve Your Strength
Step 1. Take martial arts lessons
Consider karate, kung fu, taekwondo or something similar. Similar activities will allow you to feel more confident, improve your physique and gain fighting and defense skills. Bullies love to harass people they think are weaker than they are, so with an aura of strength you could keep away. Knowing a martial art will also teach you not to look like an easy target.
You don't have to look like a fighter, just be a determined person with an aura that discourages those who want to annoy you. It is better to be ready for a fight and not have to face it than to be bruised and regret your weakness
Step 2. Be smart and always attentive to everything
Study the environment around you for possible escape routes, hiding places, conflict zones, safe zones and territorial boundaries. Learn about a bully's habits, including his connections, because many bullies have a following of underlings. Knowing your enemies and the environment can be very useful to avoid them, but above all to escape in case of direct confrontation.
Be confident when you walk. Walk with confidence and an attitude that discourages those who want to annoy you. Keep your head up and in the direction you are walking, using the corner of your eye to observe the people around you. As staged as it may be, it shows confidence and conviction. Nobody will understand your deception
Step 3. Learn some self defense moves
This is very important if you get to the fight. You don't have to be a black belt, but some self-defense advice will suffice. Act with all your strength, and without second thoughts.
- A quick direct kick to the groin will stun the bully, making him feel embarrassed as well. He will likely run away, because bullies are not used to being beaten.
- If the kick in the groin doesn't work, try hitting the solar plexus (below the ribs), or kick it in the knee.
- If the bully pushed or grabbed you, you actually have an advantage: try to keep your balance and grab one of his arms with your left hand, then hit his elbow with the other. At this point, use your left hand to free yourself from the other arm.
- At the first opportunity, escape to a safe place and ask for help.
Step 4. Develop a greater awareness of yourself (and your greatness)
Know your strengths, weaknesses and goals. Try to understand what you want and what you are capable of. This confidence can be useful when dealing with verbal bullies, because their insults won't affect your certainties. Verbal bullies usually require an audience for their insults and their words are rarely based on truth, but more on what makes them laugh.
- Try to get over the gossip - tell everyone it's not true and that the bully just wants attention. Move the negative things onto him. Emphasize the bully's tendencies and how unhappy and insecure he has to feel to take it out on others.
- The insults and the way a bully treats you have no basis in reality, nothing to do with you, they are based only on his personality. He is showing his insecurity and unhappiness. When he's done with you, he'll likely move on to another victim.
Step 5. Don't be tempted to bully yourself
The last thing you should do is lower yourself to its level. While it is certainly fair to point out the reason for his bullying and find flaws in their reasoning, never resort to attitudes like hers. It's another way to empower him. You will become part of the problem.
If you do, you'll get in trouble too. If things degenerate to the point of calling into authority figures, no one will know who the real bully is - you or him
Part 3 of 4: Preventing the Cycle
Step 1. Find out what kind of bully you are dealing with
There are bullies of all kinds - some engage in physical abuse, others verbal abuse, while others torment others psychologically and emotionally. Many use a combination of these strategies. Knowing the type of bully will help you understand their approach.
- Does the person physically abuse you? Aggressive bullies love to hit, punch, kick, and pull hair. They will do it without hesitation. These bullies can start a physical fight, then blame you or pretend to be hurt to get you into trouble.
- Does the bully insult you or verbally abuse you? Provocative bullies tend to verbally offend (making up pet names, making jokes, teasing, etc.).
- Does the person pretend to be your friend, but then make fun of you in front of others without warning? This is a type of emotional bullying. Others will threaten you to harm or break something you care about, do something that ridicules you, or lies about yourself to make you hate. Indirect bullies, such as traitors or those who spread false gossip, speak ill of people, exclude them and hurt them whenever they can.
Step 2. Remember that cyberbullying is as real as direct cyberbullying
Cyberbullies annoy people with messages, emails and other electronic means. The best way to deal with them online is to delete their messages and not read what they write. Make sure you block them.
If you are a victim of this type of bullying, don't underestimate it. Don't hesitate to talk to your parents, your boss or the police if necessary. These are not eligible or tolerable actions
Step 3. Report all cases of bullying to an authority figure
You can tell your parents, a school guidance counselor, tutor, principal, or anyone who can deal with the situation and punish the bully to protect you. It is important to talk to someone about this problem to find a solution. You are not a coward. You are brave to step forward.
- Don't be afraid of the bully's revenge - even if he continues to pester you, you will at least have a chance to resolve the issue. You can also confide in a friend and you can help each other out if the need arises.
- If there is a bullying reporting program in your school, always go ahead. Don't feel embarrassed. You will likely be asked to speak to a very knowledgeable person and this can be surprisingly helpful. You may feel very small, but you are actually bigger than the bully.
Step 4. Help other people in need
Bullies are people who try to make a good impression. They just want attention, and they've probably learned this attitude at home or from their friends. Since you have suffered from the problem firsthand, you know how bad it can be, and you know how to help others!
- One of the easiest ways to help other bullying victims is to change their view of the problem. Let them know that bullies are unhappy and frustrated and try to take control of their feelings in order to finally feel good. It's sad if you think about it.
- If a person approaches you and is in a similar situation to you, accompany them to report the problem. Moral support will be very useful for them. If they don't have the strength, they can borrow yours.
Step 5. Spread the word
Bullying is a real problem. It is not something that has to be put aside and dealt with in silence. Talk about your problems with people. Ask your school to organize discussions or seminars to highlight the problem. Let everyone know it happens every day. Only if people are careful can they do something to fix it.
You may think that you are alone and that you don't know anyone who has gone through what you are going through, but this is likely because people are afraid to talk. If you break the ice, you will be surprised how many people will join you
Part 4 of 4: Understanding Bullying
Step 1. Get informed
Defining bullying appropriately is important to avoid it being associated with any negative interaction - it's not always about bullying, sometimes a fight is simply a sign of a healthy and normal exchange between people. Bullying is aggressive and unwanted behavior that involves a perceived or real imbalance of strength. This behavior is continuous, or potentially repeats itself over time. This is a serious and persistent problem for both the bully and the victim.
Step 2. Keep in mind that a bully's behavior may have nothing to do with you
It is possible that he has some personal problem that he is unable to solve. Often he needs to take out his frustration on someone and, unfortunately, you pay the price. Try not to take it personally.
Advice
- Ignore them and walk away - this is the best strategy, because bullies want to be desperately noticed.
- Whatever happens, don't physically confront the bully unless you are in serious danger.
- Some bullies may be jealous of you. They torment you because you are very talented, so be proud of what you do. In reality, bullies are just cowards who don't have the courage to prove themselves.
- Don't believe everything bullies say - don't cry because it's not worth it! Don't let their words stop you from reaching your goal! Be confident and show them that their words have no effect on you.
- Remember that bullies can't hurt you. They just want to prove that they are the strongest, even if with their attitude they show that they are simply cowards. In reality, strength demonstrates itself in totally different ways, without humiliating the weak. Show them that you are not afraid.
- If nothing is done in your school to solve the bullying problem, try asking your parents to change schools.
- Always stay calm: Bullies will be surprised when they don't see negative reactions.
- Talk to someone as soon as you feel threatened. If you've been reading terrifying news about bullied people for 8 years, their biggest problem is a lack of communication.
- Nowadays, schools do not offer effective solutions to bullying. You will have to offer concrete evidence, and often it will not be possible. Also remember that a bully will always be able to lie and get the backing of false testimony. Talk to parents first and only later with school administrators.
Warnings
- Talk about the problem with an authority figure (teacher, policeman, adult) and don't stop until you hear it. Ignorance is not the right way to fight bullying.
- Many children are taught that bullies will not physically attack them if they just make fun of them. This is not always true, because a situation can always escalate. Be careful around bullies, always stay in public places or among other people (especially authority figures) when you are being bullied.
- If the bully is an adult or an older boy than you, you are being abused. Get someone for help immediately.
- Don't believe their words and don't be fooled if they try to behave well with you. Ignore them.
