Crying is a natural reaction to tragic events, sadness, frustration, and other feelings. However, it happens to feel uncomfortable or embarrassed when you break out in tears in contexts where the gesture seems inappropriate or where you simply want to control your emotionality. To stay in control, you can practice meditation exercises before and during events that arouse an overwhelming desire to cry. In addition, there are several techniques to experiment to be able to distract yourself in these situations.
Steps
Part 1 of 4: Communicate Properly
Step 1. Examine your feelings when you feel the urge to cry
Sometimes you feel the need to cry in some specific situations, such as when you are faced with an authority. Even if this desire seems uncontrollable, it is generally possible to identify a trigger. You may feel a variety of emotions, for example:
- Sadness;
- Fear;
- Anxiety;
- Joy;
- Frustration;
- Ache.
Step 2. Try to understand what you are thinking about
Tears are almost always related to emotions and thoughts of the moment, even if a relationship does not seem to exist initially. Evaluate what kind of thoughts you are having when the urge to cry occurs and try to identify the connection.
- For example, if you happen to want to cry in a moment of happiness, do you think the situation is "too good to be true" or just temporary?
- If you feel the urge to cry when you are being evaluated (for example, during an evaluation meeting at work), try to understand if your thoughts are causing you to feel severely judged, discriminated against, inadequate, and so on.
Step 3. Study your internal feedback carefully
Even in tense situations it is possible to have control over one's thoughts and feelings. When communicating with someone and feel the urge to cry, reflect on what you are thinking as you listen to the other person.
- For example, if you undergo a job evaluation and your boss points out things you could improve, do you find yourself a lousy employee or focus on preparing a specific action plan to hone your skills?
- Similarly, if a friend is angry with you and you feel like crying, check if your thought is "My friend hates me" or simply "I hurt my friend like this and I never have to do it again."
- Sometimes the way you think could contribute to crying. For example, you might go overboard in generalizing a particular situation or think in terms of "all or nothing". This may give you the feeling that a situation seems more serious than it actually is. Try using logic to redirect your thoughts.
Step 4. Get rid of self-criticism
By examining your internal feedback, you will be able to determine if you are a self-critical person. This is one of the most common causes of wanting to cry. Analyze your thoughts and feelings when communicating with others (or when you are absorbed in your own thoughts). Recognize the tendency to self-criticize and find a way to stop it.
- Some common forms of self-criticism are statements like this: "I am too emotional", "Men must not cry" and "I am a failure".
- Replace these criticisms with compassionate thoughts, for example: "I was very committed to that project and I am proud of it even if it could have been better" or "I care a lot about this aspect and I know that I am putting my soul into it".
- A great way to reduce self-criticism is to think about what you would recommend to a friend in the same situation. Treat yourself as you would treat your friend.
Step 5. Expect others to understand you
Some people don't know how to react when someone cries in front of their eyes. However, you need to think that others are able to understand that there is a reason behind your crying and that you are not necessarily weak, inadequate, unprofessional, and so on.
- When you cry and the people around you seem unprepared or surprised, you should still expect them to show empathy through expressions such as "I realize how important this is to you" or "I know you are angry".
- If you cry in front of someone who apparently doesn't know how to react, don't ignore them. You can try these words: "You see, it is very important to me" or "I am angry because …". This way, you will help the other person understand what's going on.
Part 2 of 4: Distract yourself
Step 1. Harness the power of pinches
Some people can prevent crying by pinching their nose, arm, cheek, palm, and so on. Sometimes a passing sensation of pain can distract you from the emotions and thoughts that make you cry.
Step 2. Push the tongue against the roof of the mouth
As with the pinching technique, you can cause a momentary distraction or a mild pain sensation by pushing your tongue against your roof of the mouth when you feel you are about to cry.
Step 3. Focus on your breathing
Count to ten by inhaling and exhaling deeply and slowly. The increase in oxygen promotes a good mood and increases the attention span. Also, a moment of pause will allow you to synchronize your thoughts with your feelings, thus stopping the urge to cry.
Step 4. Try counting to distract yourself
Pick a random number, such as 7, and start counting to 100. Your brain will focus on counting, which can reduce your emotional reaction.
Step 5. Leave politely
To avoid crying in front of someone else, such as your boss, politely dismiss and leave the room. Express, for example, the need to go to the bathroom or go out for a breath of fresh air. A short break to take a walk or evaluate your feelings will save you time and help you fight the urge to cry.
Step 6. Use an object to focus on
Sometimes, an object you can focus your attention on is a great diversion when the urge to cry comes along. For example, if you are attending a stressful meeting with your boss and fear crying, bring a PDA or other similar device with you. By focusing on this during the meeting, you will be able to avoid tears.
Part 3 of 4: Reflect on your Situation
Step 1. Try visualization techniques
If you often want to cry under certain circumstances, try imagining them in your head and staging alternative developments. Repeatedly visualizing a better development for the fantasized scenario (where you don't cry) will help you handle the real situation.
- For example, if you tend to cry during family quarrels, imagine a situation where you approach these discussions with the right calm and confidence. If you can imagine what you are like when you are not crying, it means that you will know how to do it.
- If you want to avoid crying when trying to defend yourself, imagine situations where you express your point of view. For example, imagine you meet your boss for an evaluation and say, "I appreciate his thoughts on this. I'd like to illustrate my perspective on this."
- If you want to avoid crying when speaking in public, imagine yourself on a stage firmly delivering a speech, presentation, and so on. This way, by the time you actually find yourself speaking in public, you will have already mentally reviewed the ideal situation.
Step 2. Consult a psychologist
If you think you have a serious problem controlling emotions, don't be afraid to seek help. A psychologist has the right preparation to help you understand emotions and develop the techniques necessary to know how to recognize and control them.
Step 3. Rule out underlying medical problems
Some syndromes, such as pseudobulbar and some forms of depression, can cause outbursts of uncontrollable crying or increase the risk of them occurring. If you often feel the urge to cry or feel like you can't stop what is happening to you, it may be best to see a doctor to determine whether or not there is a problem to treat.
Step 4. Understand that crying has a purpose
Although scholars have not yet figured out exactly what causes crying in humans, it is clear that there is a relationship between crying and the expression of one's emotions. Crying really has beneficial effects on the mood of those who cry, it helps those around them to develop feelings of compassion and empathy, it also favors the birth of interpersonal bonds. Remember that everyone has a good reason to cry from time to time, so you don't need to always have to suppress the urge or desire to do so.
Try to avoid repressing your emotions. Accepting that you are disheartened for whatever reason is the healthiest thing
Part 4 of 4: When to Try this Method?
Step 1. Refrain from crying when you are at work or school
Having a good cry is important for releasing emotions, but if you do it at work or school, it might even feel worse afterwards. Crying surrounded by colleagues or classmates can attract unwanted attention. While most people are understanding when someone cries, some are not, and it's best not to share such an intimate part of yourself with them. Additionally, crying in the workplace could be viewed as unprofessional, especially if it occurs during a meeting or other high-intensity time.
Step 2. Learn to stop tears when someone makes an offensive comment
Crying can be a normal reaction when you feel hurt. While there is nothing wrong with crying in response to pain or anger, it can indicate to the other person that you are not fully in control of your emotions. If you don't want to give this person satisfaction, try techniques to keep yourself from crying over things like a bad job judgment or a rude comment.
Step 3. Practice not crying when you are afraid or stressed
Crying in fear is normal, but there are times when it is best not to express yourself that way. For example, you may have to give a presentation, and your stage fright is so strong that you are afraid to cry in front of the whole class. In these cases, it is worthwhile to practice distraction methods, and other ways to keep yourself from crying, as long as you are out of the spotlight.
Step 4. Let the crying out when the time is right
Crying is useful for releasing all kinds of emotions. Some situations may not be ideal for crying, but others absolutely are. Cry when you are with people who know you and love you. Don't hold back at anniversaries, funerals, and other times when expressing your emotions is more than normal. And, of course, cry when you are alone. Sometimes the best time to cry is when you don't have to worry about how your tears will affect other people, and you can only focus on yourself.
