Feeling limited by your parents' restrictions can be frustrating. Even if you understand why they do this, you still believe that you have finally earned their respect and independence. You think you've grown up now, more than they think. This article explains how to give your parents a good motivation and, hopefully, how you can get some privileges.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Preparing to Negotiate
Step 1. Do some research to understand what you are asking
Try to understand what you are asking so that you have answers to their questions. For example, if you want your parents to let you have at least one cell phone, find out about phone rates and plans. Explaining your position in an orderly way will help your parents accept the idea, as it will give the impression that you are mature and with your head on your shoulders. Also consider helping to pay a portion of the cost of the item you want.
- If you want them to let you have a dog, research the care a dog needs and the costs involved. In addition to the logistical elements, also research the "positives" of having a dog and why it is a great idea for you and your family.
- Ignoring the "cons" of the thing you want will not help you in any way, because your parents will most likely have them in mind, and not thinking about them in time is really not a good idea. To avoid this, look for some "cons" of what you are asking, so that you have some time to prepare.
Step 2. Offer credible sources your parents can trust
Your parents will care less if they have information about what you are asking for. The more they know about the subject, the less "scary" or "risky" it will be, and the more likely they are to say yes.
- For example, if you want to sleep over at a friend's house, be sure to give your parents their home phone number, tell them the names of your friend's parents and the home address.
- If you want to get a tattoo or a piercing, get the number of those who do it or find out about the procedure on reputable websites. It is also useful if your parents know who the person you're going to sleep with is or if they already know the tattoo shop.
Step 3. Write a list of the main points of your argument
It's easy to get carried away and raise your voice, and lose sight of the things you wanted to talk about. Write 3-4 things you want to say to convince your parents. Talk about it during the discussion, highlight it, and make sure you've said everything you wanted to say before moving on to less convincing reasons, like "But, I do!"
If you are looking to get a pet, you could easily find elements in your favor. It favors moments of family union, those who own a pet generally live longer, playing with an animal is a good physical activity, and teaches to be more responsible. How can you not want one?
Step 4. Be prepared for questions like "Is your room in order?
. To understand if you deserve the thing you are asking, or to conclude an argument, parents ask their children if they have done their homework and duties. Anticipate these questions by cleaning your room, bathroom, living room … homework, eating vegetables - whatever your parents always ask you to do, this will not only make their questions ineffective, it will also demonstrate your responsibility.
It is a good idea to do these things for the days or weeks before the discussion. Otherwise, if your room is clean and you say yes, they may say "Weird, this is the first time this has happened." You may have to work for a long time to be convincing
Part 2 of 3: Convince Your Parents
Step 1. Pick the right time, for example when your parents seem relaxed and happy to talk
If they seem tired or stressed, they may most likely be bothered by your request. Usually, family dinners are a suitable time.
- That said, if mom or dad don't seem stressed, it might be a good time to ask for a pet. You might point out that people who have a bond with a dog or other pet have much lower stress and blood pressure levels than those who don't and are at a lower risk of depression.
- If you haven't done something you've been asked to do, such as homework or housework, this isn't the right time to ask. This would be a sensible objection to your request, so make sure you have fulfilled all your duties.
Step 2. Maintain a calm tone of voice during the discussion
If you whine or get angry they will think that you are not mature enough to handle what you are asking. They will end the conversation right away, insisting on speaking when everyone is calmer. Or they will say that your tone shows that you are not ready. Both situations to avoid!
Even if you can't get what you want, behaving in a mature way will allow you to be more successful in the future. You might make them think "Maybe our son is really more mature." You will have to leave them in doubt, so that when you bring the topic back, they will be more willing
Step 3. Let your parents understand that what you ask for is an advantage for them
In many cases the parents say no because it is somehow a problem for them. The thing you ask for takes money, time, or both. Since you're probably asking them to do something for you, point out how it can benefit them too. You both get something out of the situation, so why not?
- If you are asking for a cell phone, tell your parents that they can use it to monitor you. You could also talk about what would happen if you didn't answer: maybe they could pick up your cell phone?
- If you are asking for a longer curfew, point out to your parents that this means they will have more free time. And you may only get the right to spend more time outside when you can have someone drive you home so they don't have to pick you up.
Step 4. Give them some time to think about it
Don't force them to give you an answer immediately. Ask them to let you know in a couple of hours or days with any questions or concerns. Say that you want to discuss this as a mature, adult and responsible person, and that you are willing to solve any problems together. Try to use these terms to let your parents know how prepared you are and how much you care about it.
It is best to establish a specific time to talk about it. This way you will be less likely to get the answer "We haven't discussed this yet" and you won't be embarrassed to ask again in the future. Saying instead that you will talk about it next week at dinner will make it more concrete and probable
Step 5. Look for a compromise
Find a deal that makes you all happy. Offer to pay part of the bill or do a few extra chores at home in return so that they too get something out of the deal. After all, they will almost certainly have to deal with what you are asking, too, whatever it is.
- For example, if you want a dog, find a compromise to decide who should take it out, who should feed it, as well as who should pay for its maintenance. The responsibility of a pet (or a phone) does not end at the time of purchase, and this is probably what worries your parents.
- Find possible punishments if you don't respect your end of the bargain; For example, if you forget to let Fido out a few times, you won't be able to be late on Saturday or your pocket money will be reduced. This will show them that you are really serious and willing to make sacrifices.
Step 6. Write your reasons
One thing that always helps is learning to write a text about what you want - what is generally called "persuasive essay". The structure looks like this:
- Main sentence. Transition phrase. Main point (or mission statement).
- Main Sentence 1. Specific Evidence: Why do you want this thing? Test Explanation: What Does Your Example Show Your Parents? Transition phrase.
- Main sentence 2. Specific tests 2. Explanation of the tests. Transition phrase.
- This main sentence shows an alternative point of view on the subject. Specific proof proves that your main sentence is wrong. Explanation of specific tests. Transition phrase.
- Main sentence 4 can explain another perspective (but you can also leave it out). Specific tests 4. Explanation of the tests. Transition phrase.
- Beginning of the final statement. Closing point of your thesis. Closing sentence that reaffirms the thesis.
- If you spell it correctly, this short essay can really help your cause.
Part 3 of 3: Responding to a No
Step 1. Ask your parents the reason for the refusal
You should always simply ask what are the reasons why they don't want to allow you to do what you want. Sometimes they will give you a valid motivation, other times what they tell you will make no sense. Parents are happy to explain if you prove that you are a mature person. Ask what worries them and try to address their concerns, as they may even change their minds.
If you can understand why they say no, you can find ways to change their opinion. For example, if they tell you you can't have a cell phone because you're not old enough, show them how mature you are. Finding the reason will allow you to fix the problem
Step 2. Behave better
Parents take into consideration the behaviors you have had in the past. Get good grades (if you don't already), do housework without being asked, and avoid giving problems. Show him that you are responsible enough to do a certain thing.
As mentioned above, in some cases it will take time. A few days of good behavior may not convince them, but a few weeks? They might be enough. If you are patient and diligent, they may understand that you are ready for this new responsibility
Step 3. Be nice to them even if they said no
Don't show that you took it. Act like nothing has happened, and even if they pretend not to care, they will actually notice and be more sympathetic to you in the future.
You could also make them feel guilty, and in this situation they can turn in your favor. The more you behave, the more they will feel bad for saying no, and this could lead them to change their minds
Step 4. Write a letter
In some cases, parents react better to written requests. Write a compelling letter explaining why you deserve what you are asking for. You will look professional and your parents will be impressed with how you managed it.
Make sure the letter is handwritten and presented well. They will see how much work you have done and how much you care about the thing you are asking for. This is a good starting point to show how much you will be willing to put in the effort in the future. If you put a lot of effort into a letter, you may be able to really take care of Fido, collect his needs and take him out
Step 5. Change strategy
If a persuasion method doesn't work, change the argument. Don't always use the same reasons, but show them that you have plenty of other valid reasons why you should have what you want.
For example, if you're asking for a phone and started with the logical argument that it's good for your safety (if you get in trouble, you could call them), but it didn't work, you'll need to change your strategy. You could explain to them that you need a phone to make friends at school, to get a job, or to join a volunteer organization, or show them a particular promotion that allows them to get a cell phone at a very discounted price. Use the strategy you think is most likely to work
Step 6. Sometimes you just have to leave things as they are
Just say "Ok, thanks for agreeing to discuss this" and walk away. You can try again later. In the meantime, try to prove that you are responsible. After all, you get bigger and more mature with each passing day.
You should talk to your parents again in the future, but try not to be in too much of a hurry. If your parents told you that you will talk about it after Christmas, wait about a week. Respect their wishes and you will be more likely to convince them
Step 7. Don't want everything right away
If you want a dog and they tell you that a dog is too big and expensive, don't lose your temper. If they don't let you have a German Shepherd, ask for a goldfish, hamster, or other small animal. Who knows? You may even like your hamster more than a dog.
Advice
- Always talk about what you want with confidence; do not show doubts to your parents.
- Parents want their children to be safe and have different values and views on the things you want to do.
- When your parents grant you what you want, don't stop behaving yourself. If you misbehave after getting it, they won't be as permissive the next time you ask for something.
- Do things they don't expect from you. This will make them understand that you deserve an award. For example: "Since you've been doing so well lately, here's some money", or "Instead of giving me money, can I go to the movies on Friday with my friends?"
Warnings
- Don't argue - you won't be able to get what you want anyway, and you will give the impression of being immature and irresponsible.
- Do not assume that you will get what you want, or that you will be able to "wear them out" and make them give in. You will earn their respect only if you show that you respect them.
- Do not overdo it. Your parents will understand that you are trying to trick them if you offer to repaint the house.
- If they say no, don't complain! Ask why and express your point of view in a polite way.
- If they tell you no, don't do things secretly. Sooner or later they will notice and they won't trust you anymore.
