It can be difficult to talk to strangers, girls you invite out and people you meet at parties. What are you supposed to say? Prepare fun and interesting conversation topics, then listen carefully to your interlocutor to feel more comfortable (and not embarrass others).
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Learn to Talk About Plus and Minus
Step 1. Learn to enjoy small talk
People often view small talk as superficial or unimportant talk. But they perform an important social function: they allow two strangers to get to know each other without stress or discomfort. So don't feel superficial just because you have a chat without deep content. They're important!
Step 2. Pay attention to the environment around you
Suitable conversation topics depend a lot on the event you are attending. For example, you can't talk about politics at a business convention, but it's a proper discussion at a party-organized benefit. Likewise, you should avoid talking about work at a friend's birthday party, as it would be a perfectly acceptable topic at a professional convention. In general, it's a good idea:
- Consider the common thread that brought you and your interlocutor to the event (work, a mutual friend, a common interest).
- Avoid controversial topics not directly related to the event.
- Always be polite and casual.
Step 3. Ask simple questions with an open answer
Open-ended questions are those that cannot be answered with "Yes" or "No" and that require, instead, a more in-depth and personal answer. Ask your interlocutor simple questions about his life, which allow you to get to know him better without violating his privacy. As a general rule, you can ask for any information a person needs to provide when creating an online profile.
- Where were you born? What was life like in your hometown?
- Where do you work? How do you keep busy?
- What do you think of (such) film?
- What kind of music do you like? What are your five favorite bands?
- Do you like reading? What are the three books you would take with you to a desert island?
Step 4. Ask the classic questions of circumstance in a more creative way
There are many traditional questions to get to know each other that relate to hobbies, work and family. Think about how you can change them a little to deepen the knowledge of your interlocutor without going beyond certain limits. Here are some options:
- What was the best surprise you ever had in life?
- Tell me about your oldest friend.
- What's your dream job?
- What would you be really good at if you had the time to commit?
- What do you prefer about your job?
Step 5. Find out what the other person's interests are
Everyone loves having the opportunity to share their passions. If you can't find a valid topic, let your interlocutor do the hardest part, asking him to talk about his hobby, passion or project that excites him a lot. This way you will put him at ease. He may even decide to return the favor with a question about your interests.
- Who is your favorite author / actor / musician / athlete?
- What do you like to do for fun?
- Do you play any instruments or sing?
- Do you play a sport or do you dance?
- What are your secret talents?
Step 6. Focus on the positive arguments
People have a tendency to bond more when discussing positive topics rather than negative, critical or trite ones. Try to find something that both of you are passionate about instead of resorting to insults or criticism to generate a conversation. For example, at a dinner, don't talk about how unpleasant the soup was; rather make a comment about how great the dessert was.
It is a good idea to avoid disagreements with your interlocutor. Share your ideas with respect, without resorting to negativity
Step 7. Focus on the quality of the conversation, not the quantity of topics
If you get too caught up in the idea of having to talk about a lot of things, you can forget that one good topic can carry on a conversation for hours. You should only move on to something else when you have exhausted the topic you are currently dealing with. Of course, during a good conversation one tends to move from one issue to another effortlessly; if you find yourself thinking "How did we end up talking about this?", congratulations, you were successful!
Step 8. Be friendly
While your topic is important, being friendly is even more important in determining the success of a conversation. A relaxed attitude will make the other person feel comfortable - as a result they will be more involved in the discussion. Smile, pay attention, and show your concern for the well-being of your interlocutor.
Step 9. Ask follow-up questions
One of the best ways to find something to talk about is to encourage your interlocutor to share their ideas, emotions and thoughts. If the person you are talking to tells you a detail about their life or a story, show your interest with relevant questions. Be careful not to take the conversation back to yourself. For example, you might ask:
- Why do you like that sport / show / movie / band / etc?
- I like that group too! What's your favorite album?
- What made you passionate about (his interest)?
- I have never been to Iceland. What would you recommend to a tourist who is going there for the first time?
Step 10. Lower the tone if the conversation heats up
Even if you try to avoid controversial topics, it can still happen that you get to talk about it. If you or another person has provoked a heated argument, you can try to defuse the situation in a polite and cautious way. For example, you might say:
- Maybe we should leave the debate to the politicians and talk about something else.
- This is a very complex issue, I doubt we can solve it here. Maybe we talk about it another time?
- This conversation, in fact, reminds me of (a more neutral topic).
Step 11. Give compliments
Try to give a sincere, honest, and appropriate compliment to your interlocutor. This can spark a conversation, plus it allows the other person to feel appreciated and comfortable. Some compliments include:
- "I like your earrings. May I ask you where did you get them?"
- "The dish you brought tonight was delicious. Where did you find the recipe?"
- "Football is a really strenuous sport. You keep in great shape!"
- You can also compliment the landlord, especially if you and your interlocutor know him well.
Step 12. Find common interests, but appreciate the differences
If you and your interlocutor share a passion, that's a good place to start. Remember, though, that you can also take the opportunity to learn something new about places, people and ideas that you are not familiar with. Find the balance between establishing commonalities and showing your curiosity about what you don't know.
For example, if you both play tennis, you can ask what kind of racket they prefer. If, on the other hand, you play tennis and the other person plays chess, you can ask about how chess tournaments are organized and what the differences are with tennis tournaments
Step 13. Don't dominate the conversation
Finding appropriate discussion topics is important for being good at dialogue. So is knowing when to remain silent. After all, your interlocutor must have fun too. Try to get him to talk for at least half the time, so that he feels appreciated and valued.
Step 14. Pay attention to current events
You will have much more interesting things to say if you can express original opinions on what is happening in the world. Pay attention to news, popular culture, art and sport. These areas allow you to develop exciting discussions for all possible interlocutors. Some ideas for starting a conversation related to current events include:
- The recent sporting results of a local team.
- An important local event (a concert, a holiday or a theatrical performance).
- Newly released movies, books, albums and TV shows.
- Important news.
Step 15. Show your sense of humor
If you know how to tell funny jokes and stories, you can freely use this ability while looking for conversation topics. Don't force others to like your humor, but try to incorporate it into your dialogue in a polite and friendly way.
Make sure you don't resort to insults, exaggerated sarcasm, or scatological humor. These jokes can make the listener uncomfortable
Step 16. Be yourself
Don't pretend that you are an expert on a subject that you are completely ignorant of. Be honest and share your passions with others. Don't pretend to be someone other than who you are.
- While being bright, fun, and interesting can certainly help, don't worry if you don't meet these standards of excellence. Just try to show your best with a nice and friendly attitude.
- For example, instead of pretending that you know Spain very well, you can simply say, "Oh, I've never been to Spain. What did you like most about the country?"
Step 17. Don't be afraid to express traditional or layman's thoughts
People often don't contribute to conversations because they don't have enough creative, unique, or offbeat ideas. You shouldn't, however, be ashamed of having thoughts similar to those of many other people. If your knowledge of Monet doesn't go beyond what you learned in high school, feel free to share what you know and learn from whoever is more experienced.
Step 18. Consider previous conversations with your interlocutor
If you've met the person you're talking to before, ask a specific question that references the previous discussion. Was he preparing for an important business project or sporting event? Did he tell you about his children or his wife? If you can show that you've listened carefully in the past, people will appreciate it and open up more to you.
Step 19. Think about the most interesting events in your life
Think of the strangest, most exciting, jaw-dropping, or funniest things that have happened to you lately. Have you had some hilarious encounters or did some bizarre coincidences happen? Tell your interlocutor these events to continue the conversation.
Step 20. Conclude the dialogue politely
If you notice that you or your interlocutor become distracted or bored, close the conversation gracefully. Find a simple, appropriate excuse to move and talk to someone else. Remember that not all successful social interactions are long - even short and friendly ones are important. Here are some of the more polite ways to end a discussion:
- It has been a pleasure to meet you! I let you go and talk to others too.
- It was a pleasure to talk to you about X. Hope to see you again soon.
- I'm afraid I have to go say hello (a friend of mine / the landlord / my boss). It was really a pleasure to meet you !.
Method 2 of 3: Finding Deeper Discussion Topics
Step 1. Ask more personal questions if you are talking to someone you feel comfortable with
Starting to talk about this and that is a great idea, but deep conversations are even more satisfying. When you and your interlocutor are comfortable with simple questions, start asking more specific questions to see if they are willing to raise the level of the discussion. For example, if you've both talked about your work, you can learn more about it like this:
- What is the most rewarding part of your job?
- Did you have difficulty at work?
- Where do you hope to get to in a few years?
- Is this the career you expected, or did you follow an unexpected path?
Step 2. Recognize the benefits of a deep conversation
Even introverted people are happier when they talk to someone. In general, small talk makes people happy and personal dialogue does it even more.
Step 3. Approach deeper topics gradually
Don't jump right into an intimate conversation with someone - introduce the discussion carefully to gauge their reaction. If he seems happy to talk, go ahead. If he seems uncomfortable, you can change the subject before it's too late. Here are some examples of phrases you can use to test the waters:
- I saw the political debate last night. What do you think about it?
- I often participate in the activities of my religious community. You make it?
- I strongly believe in bilingual education for children, even if I understand that it is a controversial topic.
Step 4. Try to be open minded
Trying to convince other people that your point of view is the best leads them to feel negative emotions; rather show your curiosity and respect for them, to arouse positive feelings. Don't use discussions as a makeshift stage; instead try to involve your interlocutor. Listen respectfully to their opinion, even if they disagree with you.
Step 5. Start with the small details
Sharing specific details related to your life experiences is a great way to find out if another person wants to argue with you. If you get positive reactions, you can continue with that topic. Otherwise, lead the conversation in another direction.
Step 6. Answer general questions with specific stories
If someone asks you a general question, respond with a short, specific anecdote related to your life. This can help you keep the conversation going and get others to share their personal experiences.
- For example, if someone asks you what you do for a living, you can tell a bizarre anecdote that happened to you one morning on your way to work.
- If someone asks you what your hobbies are, you can talk about the time you competed in an event.
- If asked what movies you've seen recently, talk about a funny encounter you had at the cinema.
Step 7. Be honest about yourself
Studies have shown that revealing personal information can lead others to appreciate you more. While you should be careful not to say too much, being honest with others about your life, thoughts, and opinions empowers people to share intimate details more willingly. Don't be too reserved and don't hide your cards too much.
Step 8. Ask deeper questions if your interlocutor seems ready to receive them
Questions about ethical dilemmas, personal experiences, and pain points can help you bond with a person, especially if you already know them. After evaluating the situation, if the person you're talking to seems open to a deeper conversation, try asking more intimate questions. Make sure you always consider the interlocutor's level of discomfort and bring the dialogue back to more frivolous topics if things get awkward. Here are some questions you can try:
- How were you as a child?
- Who was your role model during your growth?
- Do you remember your first day of kindergarten? How was it?
- What was the time you had to hold back longer to keep from laughing?
- What's the most embarrassing thing you've ever seen?
- You are in a sinking boat with an old man, a dog and a person who just got out of prison. You can only save one of them. Who do you choose?
- Would you rather die as an unknown but having done great things or as a world famous hero who took credit for things he didn't do?
- What is your biggest fear?
- What was the situation in which you felt most embarrassed?
- What would you change about yourself?
- Is your life different from how you imagined it as a child?
Method 3 of 3: Demonstrate Good Conversation Skills
Step 1. Pay attention to eye contact
People who look you in the eye usually want to talk to you. An exchange of glances can also help you understand if a conversation topic is pleasing to your interlocutor. If you notice that he is distracted or looking away, you should change the subject, ask a question, or politely interrupt the conversation.
Step 2. Don't be afraid of occasional silences
They happen often. Accept these moments of pause without problems, especially with people you already know very well. Don't feel the obligation to fill every pause in the conversation with your opinions, questions and stories - in some cases, these moments are natural and positive.
Step 3. Create intentional pauses in conversations
While you speak, from time to time, stop. This gives your interlocutor the opportunity to change the subject, ask questions or end the discussion if necessary. Make sure you don't do monologues.
Step 4. Resist the urge to say too much
If you are meeting someone for the first time, you should keep the most intimate details hidden before you get to know them better. Sharing too much information can make you appear gossipy, inappropriate or disturbing. Only talk about known facts until you have deepened your knowledge of your interlocutor. Some of the topics to avoid saying too much are:
- Sexual or bodily activities;
- Recent breakups or problems in personal relationships
- Political and religious views;
- Spicy stories and gossip.
Step 5. Avoid sensitive topics
People do not like to discuss their physical appearance, their relationships and their socioeconomic status when they are at work. Political and religious views can also be taboo based on the context. Respect those who listen to you and only deal with light topics until you understand better what they are passionate about.
Step 6. Avoid long stories and monologues
If you have a funny anecdote to tell, make sure it is short or has something to do with the interests of the listener. Just because a topic is compelling to you doesn't always apply to others. You can freely express your enthusiasm, as long as you are brief, then evaluate the response of your interlocutor. Let me ask you some follow-up questions (if they're interested in learning more) or change the subject.
Step 7. Discharge the voltage
It's not just your responsibility to carry on the discussion - it takes two to dance. If the other person isn't interested in talking, find someone else. Don't beat yourself up over an unsuccessful conversation.
Step 8. Demonstrate your active listening skills
Look the other person in the eye and listen carefully when they speak. Don't seem distracted or bored. Show that you are involved and interested.
Step 9. Keep your body language open
Conversations proceed best if you smile, nod, and show interest in body language. Don't move too much, don't cross your arms, don't look at your shoes, and don't take out your cell phone. Look the other person in the eye for an appropriate time and always turn to them.
Advice
- If you don't know what to say, try relaxing for a moment. The more relaxed you feel, the more your brain can express its creativity.
- Compliment the other person to make them feel comfortable. For example, tell her she has good tastes in music, movies, or fashion.
- Remember, to talk about something, you have to do something. Try to have interesting experiences to have stories to tell.
Warnings
- People need time to think. There is no need to fill every moment of silence with nonsense words.
- Don't be rude.
- Don't be too heavy! By moving on to important topics too quickly, you will alienate many people, especially if your ideas don't converge. Talking about the weather, holidays or current news can allow you to understand a lot about a person, without resorting to your feelings about third world poverty or your hernia operation. In particular, avoid politics (local and international) until you know a person well.
- Don't talk too much about yourself. You would feel pressured because all the responsibility for the conversation would fall on you, plus it could be very boring for the other person.
