It can be very difficult for parents to watch their children grow up. They seem to transform too quickly from cute little creatures addicted to parental care into fickle-tempered teenagers. However, it is important to give them the space they need to express their personality. This article will guide you through your child's growing process and give you directions on how to deal with it. Read on from step one.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: When Children Enter the School System
Step 1. Maintain a positive attitude, even if you realize with some sadness that your child is growing up
It is absolutely essential to show a positive attitude towards the growing child. Always watch what he learns and be proud of him, just like when he learned to walk or sleep alone.
- Likewise, try to appreciate the skills he gains as he grows up, such as going to school alone, finishing homework without your help, and making decisions on his own.
- Instead of feeling sorry that your child is growing up, be proud of him and of yourself, because with your support and love you have helped him become a responsible person.
Step 2. Allow your child to play independently for the first time even before they reach school age
The first step towards independence, which is a test for parents and children, is to let them play alone on the street or in the backyard.
- Talk to your child and let them know what's allowed and what's not.
- Let him play, but watch him and be ready to react.
- When you see that your child is following agreements and behaving as expected, you can slowly relax and take a step back.
Step 3. Talk to your child about what to expect at school
Every major event in life is more and more difficult for a child. Talk to your child about their future challenges. If it's time to enroll in school, talk to him about it so he knows exactly what to expect.
Ask him about the doubts and fears he has, finding solutions that are understandable to him. These difficulties will remind you that your child still needs you, but in a different way
Step 4. Realize the idea that she will have to go to school
For many children and parents this is the first separation and many parents have an extreme difficulty in greeting their children at the school gate.
- Talk to your child and explain what to expect from kindergarten or school.
- To realize the idea that he will have to go to school, have him get up early in the morning, make him a snack and take him to school. Show him what his class is. These gestures will help both of you emotionally prepare yourself when the day finally arrives.
Part 2 of 3: When Your Child Goes Through New Emotional States During Pre-adolescence and Adolescence
Step 1. Talk to your child about the physical changes they are going through
Is growing. This period is known as adolescence and usually occurs between 13 and 19 years of age. It manifests itself when physical changes in the body begin to be observed. Here's what you'll see:
- In girls, the ovaries start to increase estrogen production, while in boys the testes increase testosterone production.
- Boys grow in height quickly, widen their shoulders, change their voice, notice the growth of hair on the pubis, under the armpits and beard on the face, while the penis, scrotum and testicles increase in size. They may also have nocturnal ejaculations.
- Girls also begin to grow taller as hips begin to round. The hair spreads to the pubis, underarms and legs and at the same time clear or whitish vaginal discharge occurs.
- These hormonal and physical changes are also accompanied by heightened emotional behavior and mental growth.
- Physical changes are caused by the hormonal changes that occur in the body. The various endocrine glands produce hormones that modify the body.
Step 2. Be open to answering questions as the physical changes begin
As a parent, it is necessary to discuss physical changes with your child before adolescence. Tell him this is normal and part of growing up. Be open and honest and answer all of their questions explicitly.
- Special courses for teenagers are held in several schools. Experts are invited to talk about all these changes and encourage the children to participate in the discussion.
- If they are organized in the school that your child attends, know that they are useful meetings because they give children a clear picture of the changes taking place in their bodies and help them deal with the changes more consciously.
Step 3. Be prepared for the emotional swings typical of this stage of growth
The hormonal changes your child goes through directly affect his brain. Therefore, the interests, moods and needs of the adolescent begin to change. He tends to be overwhelmed by emotion, while parents may experience frequent moodiness and irritability during this phase. Just listen. This is all you need to do.
She will likely want to be independent all of a sudden and refuse to even talk to you about how her day went. The next day, he may demand all your attention and insist that you listen to him right now. Just listen. He will let you know if he needs an opinion or advice
Step 4. Show your child that you love and support them
If your child wants to succeed in something, give him your support, whether it is to become a cycling ace, to be successful in school or anything else. In this way, you will emphasize your role as a parent and take part in its growth.
- His mood swings can wreak havoc on the nervous system, but remember that he too is affected. She is trying to develop her own personality as she goes through these changes, so she needs all of your support right now.
- Regardless of the type of problem, express yourself clearly to your child. Tell him that you love him and that you will always be next to him to support him. Show your love to him by accepting his friends, his decisions and his choices.
- This attitude will give him the anchor he is looking for during a crisis. Try to be as understanding as possible, but don't tolerate any nonsense.
- Another important factor to consider is that a boy's brain is not fully developed until he enters his first twenty years of life. Incomplete brain development is the cause of the emotional immaturity that often frustrates parents.
Step 5. Know that your child loves you, even if he acts like a fickle child
Teens tend to get overwhelmed by emotions, while parents experience frequent moodiness and irritability during this phase. These mood swings are due to the sudden fluctuation of hormone levels in the body. However, remember that just because he gets mad at the slightest provocation doesn't mean he doesn't love you!
Step 6. Be prepared when your child starts showing signs of interest in the opposite sex
When boys see their bodies change, they begin to have a series of new and unknown experiences outside the family. As they interact with other individuals and peers, they meet people who suddenly pay a lot more attention to their appearance and this makes them more aware of their way of appearing. Additionally, they tend to be attracted to the opposite sex, as they begin to experience sexual arousal.
Keep the lines of communication open. When you accept your child's choices and friends, they are less likely to run away from you and more likely to open up about what's going on in their life
Step 7. Be prepared for your child to start dating a new group of kids
He tends to feel safe when he is part of a group. Also consider that the strong desire to become part of a group of people is a symptom of the fact that it has not yet developed an identity of its own.
Keep in touch with him and spend time together, have dinner and chat. However, you will also need to set limits, as kids of this age tend to have risky behaviors. Clearly establish the boundaries between good and bad behavior
Step 8. Recognize that your child may not have the same needs as they did when they were younger
This is the time when a growing desire for independence will begin to show. He will spend more time with his friends than with you.
Step 9. Give your child the space they need, but stay with them when they need you
Give him room to breathe and to solve his problems. If you are overprotective and solve all the problems he has in his place, he will not be able to deal with the important issues in life, when they arise, and he will not be ready to grow.
Step 10. Discuss the money you give him
He will definitely want to hang out with friends to go to the movies and eat out more often, especially on weekends. As a result, pocket money will no longer be enough.
- Talking about this topic in a mature way with a teenager is largely a solution to the problem in itself. When she realizes that her parents have other deadlines to meet (paying for siblings' courses, shopping, paying bills, etc.), she becomes less demanding and more understanding.
- Encourage your child to take a part time job and help him find one. When he starts earning through his work, he will value the things he bought with his money and guard them more carefully. He will also have more confidence in himself because he earns money, which will give him a feeling of security and self-worth.
Part 3 of 3: When Your Child Leaves Home
Step 1. Understand the concept of "empty nest syndrome"
Above all, admit to yourself that your child doesn't need you as much as they used to. Maybe he no longer asks you for advice or does not make more appreciation about your kitchen. Perhaps he doesn't prefer your company and doesn't keep you up to date with all the details of his life. This is normal and it is also normal to feel upset. As a mature parent, you understand the changes happening in your child's life. Know that he continues to love you and that he hasn't become irritating.
You may wonder where you went wrong as a parent and think that time is slipping into your hands. Dealing with your child's changing moods could drain all of your energy and be frustrating. Give him the space he asks for and avoid questioning the reasons and decisions behind his every action. Trust what it does
Step 2. Schedule time to spend with him
When your child becomes independent, it doesn't mean that he will be out of your life forever. Plan to spend a few moments with him when an important date comes up or as opportunities arise.
- Talk on the phone or over the internet. Today's technology allows you to stay in touch with people, both on the phone and via the internet. Maintain contact with your child and remain a part of their life, even when they are grown up.
- However, don't call him every day.
Step 3. Don't cling to your child, but give him the freedom to make mistakes and be successful
Give him the freedom to make mistakes and watch him become more responsible. We all learn best from experiences and mistakes.
Establish clear rules and let your child decide for himself whether to abide by them, but also to recognize his responsibilities for himself if he has done something wrong. In this way, he will be able to learn to be responsible, while you will be able to understand that he is ready to meet his obligations
Step 4. Don't always go to his rescue
If your child has a problem, teach them how to fix it step by step so they can do it on their own later. Don't solve it for him.
- You should report examples of experiences and mistakes you have made, even if they may completely ignore them.
- You can start with simple things, like packing his bags. Perhaps he will want to do it himself, at the last minute, while you have always preferred to do it in advance.
- Allow him to become an independent person. Avoid redoing the things he has already done.
Step 5. Support your child's career, even if you were hoping he or she was pursuing something different
Parents often insist that their children pursue a certain career because it is more profitable or interesting. When they enter a profession with passion, children grow up more self-confident. They discover their potential and soon become independent and successful people. This can only happen if we give them the opportunity to lead their lives and make a career based on their choices.
- Sometimes, parents try to make their dreams come true through their children. Avoid doing this. Be open and patiently discuss with your child. It is not excluded that he decides to pursue a career you know very little about.
- Seek the advice of an expert in that particular area. That way you both know the pros and cons of that field of work.
Step 6. Do things you weren't able to do when your child was living with you
Being a parent is a serious matter that requires you to give your children all your attention, taking time away from yourself. Deal with the fact that your child has grown up with more time for yourself.
- Find a hobby or do something you haven't been able to do until now because of your child's presence, go to the gym, or pursue your career.
- Plan to hang out with your friends. This way, you can compensate for the feeling of loneliness by talking and comparing your experiences with those of others.
Step 7. Do the things you enjoy most
You can be a mother, but don't forget that you are also a person. Do you remember all the dreams and ambitions you had before your child was born? This is the time to start thinking about yourself and getting organized.
