Friends and family may have a hard time understanding why you don't want to have children and accepting your decision. If you've had enough of being asked "When will you give me a grandchild?" or "What are you two waiting for?", try to speak out and set personal boundaries. If you want, list reasons why you don't want to have children and your life satisfies you as it is. But make sure your partner agrees with you.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Explain Your Reasons
Step 1. Say what you like about your lifestyle
Explain how comfortable it is to have flexible hours and a lot of time. You may not have children, but you have time to focus on your goals and interests. For example, if you want to go to the cinema at nine in the evening or spend a weekend away, you can do it easily and without stress.
- Try to explain yourself by saying: "I know that not having children will make me lose certain things in life, but at the same time it allows me to have others, and I am happy about that." For example, you might say to your brother, "Not having my own children allows me to be a good uncle to yours."
- It is true that "you can't have everything in life", but you can always make the most of what you have.
Step 2. Emphasize the importance you place on your relationships
Explain how not having children allows you to focus more on your partner and / or friends. Since you don't have to spend your time accompanying children to school and following them in their activities, you have the opportunity to deepen relationships with other people and be more present in their lives.
- You might say, "I love babysitting your kids and spending time with you and other friends."
- If you have a partner, you might say, "Since we don't have children, we can spend a lot of time in the couple and have intimate conversations without having to worry about the children hearing."
Step 3. Talk about your concern for the environment
Many people choose not to have children for environmental reasons, particularly not to contribute to global overpopulation. Every human being on the planet, however much they may try to respect nature, produces waste and consumes precious resources that are running out. We all have an impact on the environment and one way to reduce it is to avoid bringing other people into the world. Let your friends and family know that you care about the planet and that you don't want to help harm it.
For example, you could say, "Raising a child nowadays means consuming the planet's resources and having a great environmental impact. I already consume more than I would like, it doesn't seem right to do it even more by having a baby."
Step 4. Explain that you can't see yourself as a parent
Unless there is a specific reason for you to consider having children (for example, in case your partner really wants to have them), there is no reason why you should justify your choice. If you don't want kids, just say you don't want them, without going around too much. And if someone insists on the subject, you can just drop the conversation.
For example, you might say, "I never wanted to have children, that's all, so I won't have any."
Part 2 of 3: Communicate it the Right Way
Step 1. End the conversation gently but firmly
The reasons you made this decision are yours. You should only explain them if you feel comfortable and want to share them with family and friends. If you don't want to give explanations, nothing forces you to do it: you have every right to protect your privacy, even from curious relatives. If you don't want to talk about your decision not to have children, don't.
- If someone asks you questions about it, you can answer them: "It's not something I want to talk about right now."
- If you don't feel comfortable, you can say, "I'm sorry, but I don't feel comfortable talking about this with you right now."
- If you're in a relationship, you can say, "Thanks for your concern, but my partner and I want to keep this part of our life private."
Step 2. Establish healthy emotional boundaries
It's normal for your parents to want grandchildren, but that shouldn't be your responsibility. If your family or friends tend to intrude or care a little too much, set limits. Some parents use their children to fulfill their wishes; it is unfair to you and indicates a form of emotional dependence. If they try to force you to talk about your decision or persuade you to have children, set clear boundaries.
- For example, you might say, "We've already discussed this and nothing has changed. Let's stop talking about it, please."
- You could also say, "Please respect my choices. You may have your own opinions, but the decision is up to me."
- When you set limits, you also set consequences; for example, you might say, "I'm sorry, but if you come back to this topic again, I'm leaving."
Step 3. Use humor
At some point, the questions and banter can get maddening. If you are sick of having to explain, try to answer with jokes. If you approach the issue lightly, you may be able to mitigate any conflicts and avoid inflaming spirits.
For example, you might say, "I'm expanding my family already! I got a dog. This is your new grandson, Fuffi."
Step 4. Listen to them
Some people, like your parents or grandparents, may care a lot about having children. Even if you're determined not to have any, listen to what they have to say. It is normal for them to react in a certain way to your decisions and take time to process them, and it is important that you understand and accept their feelings.
If a member of your family constantly talks to you about children or becomes nagging, you can say, "I get it. I know you're disappointed, but please stop pushing me. It's my choice and I won't change my mind."
Step 5. Allow them to feel disappointed or hurt
The truth is that a person is normally expected to have children sooner or later, and this is especially true for that person's relatives. This does not mean that your decision is wrong, but it is important to understand that your family members may have been dreaming of holding your children since they had been holding you. As much as you have the right to live your life as you please, it is inevitable that your choices have an impact on your loved ones. By acknowledging and giving room to their feelings, you will give them the opportunity to come to accept the situation in a healthy and natural way.
- Let your family members process the grief for the loss without being impatient (yes, it is genuine grief and they may consider it a real loss). You are not the only member of the family; if you care about your relationship, you have to let them express their suffering.
- The fact that they are saddened by your choice, however, does not have to make you feel compelled to become a parent if this is not the life you want.
- Show empathy for them and invite them to look on the bright side. Say something like, "I know many people have children and I understand that you are disappointed. But think of how many members our family already has! We have wonderful mothers, fathers, brothers and sisters, wonderful cousins and cousins, even animals (whatever they are).). We are already a beautiful family, we just don't have children! ".
Part 3 of 3: Talk to Your Partner
Step 1. Talk to your partner about the issue of children
If you want to commit to an important and long-term relationship, one of the questions you and your partner face is the question, "Do we want children?". If you disagree with this, you may not be compatible.
- Speak truthfully. If your partner wants to have children and you don't want them, it's better to know right away instead of investing years in a relationship that could end as a result of this conflict.
- This is a matter that concerns only the two of you. The wishes, opinions and expectations of your relatives must not influence your decisions in any way. If the person you're in a relationship with says they don't want to let their mother down or anything like that, kindly remind them that this is about the two of you and no one else.
Step 2. Support each other
Let your partner defend you: if family and friends pester you because you don't want to have children, let them speak on your behalf; if the topic is difficult for you to address, ask him to answer for you; if someone is pestering you with questions, allow them to step in to support you or give you answers. Do the same if your partner needs help.
For example, you could ask your partner, "Can you answer this question?", Or you could simply say, "I'll let him / her answer"
Step 3. Make sure you and your partner are in tune
If you don't want to keep answering the same questions for the next quarter century, you need to be firm in your decision. If you are in a relationship or married, ask your partner or spouse to kindly but firmly take the same position regarding having children. Giving evasive answers will only feed other people the hope that one day you will change your mind.
