The discussion of puberty can be nerve-wracking, both for parents and for children. If you're on your toes about talking to your kids about this sensitive time, there are ways to make the conversation more productive and effective. Instead of having a single discussion about puberty, talk to them often about the fact that they are growing up and their development. Children are often afraid of puberty and the changes they go through because of what they have seen or heard and you can help them calm down and disbelieve invented myths. Be prepared to present accurate information and make yourself available to your children, ready to answer their questions.
Steps
Part 1 of 4: Prepare for Discussion
Step 1. Decide when to speak
Boys and girls enter puberty at different times. You may choose to have a discussion with your child when you notice changes in his or her body, or you may want to start earlier in order to prepare him in time. It is recommended that by the time they reach eight years of age, children become familiar with puberty and the physical and emotional changes associated with it.
- Even if you decide to have just one conversation about puberty with your kids, keep talking to them about developing and becoming an adult.
- Girls reach puberty around the age of eight. If you notice the first symptoms of physical changes, puberty will likely start shortly, so it's time to talk.
- Boys reach puberty after girls, usually between the ages of 10 and 11.
Step 2. Take the initiative
You have to start the discussion, so don't wait for your kids to come to you with questions. If you did, you could wait forever. In fact, if you don't address the problem yourself, you may inadvertently pass on the message that it's a topic you can't talk about or don't want to discuss. This can limit communication between you and create a separation, so be sure to act like an adult and take it upon yourself to speak first.
- While children can learn about sex and puberty from outside sources, such as older siblings, friends, television, or the internet, it's still important to talk to them firsthand. Offer reliable, valid and truthful information.
- Children often receive false or unreliable information about sex and puberty. They may feel something completely wrong from an older brother or friend. Make sure they learn correct information from you about the changes that await them.
Step 3. Make the discussion fun
You could organize an event to make your chat more enjoyable for both of you. For example, take your child out for lunch or dinner to the ice rink or museum. Spend quality time together before and after the conversation.
Don't talk for too long and get the fun back as soon as possible. There is no need for a long and in-depth discussion. You can always come back to the topic in the future
Step 4. Stay calm
For parents as well as children, talking about puberty is certainly not something fun. If you are feeling nervous or anxious about the conversation, find out. Knowing the subject well can help you speak clearly and without too much embarrassment. Just give the facts if you are very nervous.
- Try not to laugh and not be embarrassed in front of your child. You need to normalize puberty, without making him feel ashamed or embarrassed.
- Make sure you keep breathing and keep your body relaxed and loose. Avoid pacing back and forth, clenching fists, or showing tension with other body language cues.
Step 5. Get some resources
You could give your child a brochure or book explaining what to expect from puberty. Find the material you want to use before talking to him. You could suggest the name of a site to visit, or read it with him. If you prefer to use images, print them in advance. Create a kit to help explain the situation to your child.
Find helpful resources on the internet or in books. There are many websites with helpful information about puberty and how to talk to your children. You will also find various books devoted to this sensitive topic
Part 2 of 4: Start the Conversation
Step 1. Open a dialogue
Start talking to your child at a time when none of you are in a hurry or distracted. Explain some facts to him and let him share his feelings, thoughts and concerns. You might start by asking him what he has heard from other people about puberty, then pointing out what is right and what is wrong.
- If your child is nervous or anxious, don't talk too long and focus on developing confidence and openness to dialogue for future conversations.
- You can say, "A friend of yours told you that girls can't get pregnant until marriage. That's not true. A woman can get pregnant at any time after her first period, even if she's very young. You know the difference. than what you heard? ".
Step 2. Explain what causes puberty
Talk about hormones and their role in development. Explain that the body has to go through puberty in order to mature sexually, and that changes are conducive to this process. Make sure you describe these changes in a positive light and make your child understand that it is nothing to be ashamed of or to hide.
You can say, "Hormones are chemical messengers in our body, responsible for the changes that happen to boys and girls. These substances start puberty and allow a man to mature and become an adult over time. In this way, your body. he will be ready to have children one day."
Step 3. Discuss mood and emotions
Mood and emotional changes are a normal part of puberty because they are produced by changes in hormone levels. If your child often has mood swings or is irritable, give them some space. Encourage him to exercise, talk to friends, eat healthy foods, and get plenty of sleep. Ask them to limit their use of electronic devices if they have trouble falling asleep.
In some cases, children may begin to show signs of mental health problems and suffer from depression, anxiety, or other more serious ailments. For example, irritability and character changes can be symptoms of depression. If you are concerned about your child's mood or behavior, talk to a psychologist or medical professional
Step 4. Talk about contact rules
Children need to understand if something is wrong and know how to talk to a trusted adult. This conversation should always remain open and continue throughout your child's life. Changes in his body may attract attention he is not used to. Remind him that he is the sole owner of his own body. Even if you decide not to talk about sex, it explains the concept of consent and that everyone has the right to say "no" to any kind of contact that makes them uncomfortable.
- Remember that these conversations need to change based on the child's age. For example, if your child is very young, they need to know what kind of contacts are considered inappropriate, while when they are older, they need to understand the concept of consent regarding sexual acts.
- From an early age, teach your kids the underwear rule: people can't touch them where they have their underwear and they don't have to touch others.
- You can tell your child, "It is exciting to see your body change during puberty. However, your body is yours alone and no one has the right to touch it without your permission. If someone tries to do so, tell them no. Talk to them. me or another adult you trust about what happened, so you can be safe."
Part 3 of 4: Discussing Body Changes
Step 1. Explain that the changes are normal
Many children are afraid that their bodies are abnormal or different from those of their friends. Try to make your child understand that development comes to everyone at different times and in different ways. Children facing puberty want to be normal and feel accepted by their friends. Reassure them by saying that all changes that occur are completely normal and will not last forever.
- For example, your daughter may develop breasts earlier than her friends. Assure her that what is happening to her is normal and that it will also happen to her friends.
- You can say, "You will notice that almost all of your schoolmates have started or will begin to change. This may scare you, but it is completely normal for a boy to grow taller and have a deeper voice. Girls grow breasts and they start. to have your period. When it happens to you too, there will be nothing strange."
Step 2. Talk about hair
Both males and females begin to grow hair during puberty. Explain to your child that it is normal to see hairs appear where they weren't before. In some cultures, shaving is acceptable and boys can start shaving, while girls shave their armpit hair.
- You can say, "Hair is a normal part of puberty and you may see it growing on the genitals and under the armpits. Boys start to grow beards too."
- In some cases, bad smells also occur along with the hair. Talk to your child about body odors and perhaps suggest that they use a deodorant. Tell him, "When body odors start to get unpleasant, it's time to use deodorant. We can go and buy one if you like."
Step 3. Talk about your period
You can decide to give different explanations to boys and girls, but it is important that children of both sexes understand this physiological process, so that shame, embarrassment and misunderstandings do not lead to errors in judgment. It is essential to talk to girls about menstruation before their first period, so that they are not afraid and are not afraid of the sight of blood in their underwear.
- For example, you can say, "The menstrual cycle is a normal and healthy part of being a woman, so you have nothing to be afraid of. Even boys shouldn't be afraid of it. This process is part of reproduction and helps women understand if they are expecting a baby ".
- You could explain to the girls more thoroughly about their period so they know what to expect and how to manage the monthly changes they will face. Briefly and appropriately describe feminine hygiene products for your daughter's age. You can resume the conversation in the future after the first cycle appears, but laying the groundwork for the discussion can help them fight the fear they may feel.
Step 4. Talk about erection
Let your child know that spontaneous erections happen and that in public they can be embarrassing. Explain that the erection will go away after a short time and that if he feels embarrassed, he can cover himself with his backpack or vest.
- He talks about nocturnal pollution before the appearance of this phenomenon, which occurs between the ages of 12 and 16. If you don't address the topic, the event could be frightening, embarrassing your child, or leading him to believe that something is wrong.
- You can tell your child, "Erections are normal, even if they make you uncomfortable. If you happen to have one, don't worry, it will go away soon."
- Explain to your child that if he notices a child has an erection, he shouldn't be making fun of him.
Part 4 of 4: Continue After Discussion
Step 1. Reassure your child
Children often feel insecure or embarrassed about the changes they experience. Tell your child that he will be able to get through puberty. He may start to feel more concerned about his appearance or more clumsy, or become irritable or moody. Help him understand these changes and encourage him, telling him they won't last forever. Let him know that you are always ready to help him and that you care about him.
Remind your child that you love them and that you are ready to support them. Even if his mood bothers you, behave with affection and kindness towards him. Don't imitate his mood or tone. Remember that you are the adult and that you need to be a model of emotional stability
Step 2. Give your willingness to answer questions
Let your child know that you are always by their side and that you are ready to answer their questions and concerns. Girls may ask you why they haven't had your period yet or why their breasts are different sizes. Guys can ask you about nocturnal pollution or changes in their genitals. If you don't know an answer, you can say, "That's a great question. We'll get back to it as soon as possible," then do some research so that you can respond appropriately.
Give your child the time and opportunity to ask yourself questions. Explain that his questions are important and answer them as honestly as possible. Don't smile, don't laugh, and don't make jokes about her worries. That way you would minimize the problem and make him feel silly. It would not serve to defuse
Step 3. Take advantage of the teaching moments
Children can ask awkward questions that make you want to bury your head in the sand. Instead of making up stories about storks or enchanted lands, answer as sincerely as possible, taking into consideration the age of your interlocutor. Use these opportunities to talk to your child about puberty and sexuality, in a neutral way and showing that you are not afraid to satisfy his curiosity.
