It can be unpleasant to tell someone that you are not interested, regardless of whether you barely know each other or have already dated three times. It is never fun to hurt someone's feelings, but you will feel relieved when the truth comes out and the other person will be able to get over it faster. If you know what to say and how to say it, you will be able to break the bad news to him in the most diplomatic way possible.
Steps
Method 1 of 2: Part 1: Know What To Say
Step 1. Decide if you want to speak to him in person
Okay, if you're dating then you have to at least do him the courtesy of severing the relationship in person. But if she invites you to go out by text or email or via an online dating network, it may be enough to simply respond virtually. This could make the situation less difficult for both of you, saving you the pain of seeing his sad face in person; in this way he can also retain a greater dignity than appear destroyed in front of you when you tell him face to face that you are not interested. However, if it's a close friend or someone you've dated for more than two months or so, you need to call them and consider what might be the most respectful thing to do.
Be mature and make sure you speak to him directly, whether in person or not. Sending your friend to deliver the message won't make him feel any better
Step 2. Be honest about your decision not to go out with him
If you don't like the person, you need to be honest about the fact that you are not interested. If he asks you out, say something like "I'm sorry, the fact is that I don't see anything romantic between us" or "I just don't feel that alchemy between us, but I really like you as a person". Give them a short, simple message, but let them know you don't want to go out with them so they don't get confused and don't hang around longer than necessary.
He may insist on asking your reasons and you don't have to give in by explaining the reasons why you don't want to go out with him. It will only make him feel worse, so spare him, even if that's what he thinks he wants
Step 3. Provide a valid reason
If you don't feel the alchemy between you, you can tell him. If you're just not interested in dating someone right now, let them know. If your heart beats for another person, let them know. If you just don't like him because you think he's unattractive, annoying or whatever, you can spare him these details. Although it is not pleasant to tell a little lie or make up an excuse, no guy would want to be told "The fact is that I don't care." Come up with a compelling reason that doesn't hurt her feelings too much.
- Calculate in advance the motivation you will give him so that he does not catch you in the act while you tell a lie.
- Don't say you like someone else if that's actually not true. He'll be able to find out pretty quickly.
- Also, don't say you're not ready for a relationship if you actually like someone else. If he sees you dating or even dating someone shortly after your conversation, he'll feel stupid because you lied to him.
Step 4. Be steadfast
While you may be sensitive to the matter, you must absolutely make it clear that you do not consider him a potential candidate from a sentimental point of view. If you state something like "This is simply not the time in my life to go out with someone …" or "I'm so busy with school this month …" he'll think you're telling him he'll have a better chance by just waiting for a another month or two. There is nothing good about giving false hope and while this may make him feel better in the short term, he will only feel worse when it takes him longer than necessary to realize that he is hopeless with you.
The really worst thing you can do is fool him; therefore, being overly resolute is better than being overly vague
Step 5. Don't offend him
Don't tell him he's not smart, handsome, or attractive enough for you. You will build a reputation as the bad person who doesn't think about others. If you want to give him the bad news diplomatically, you have to think he's a good guy, so don't offend him, even if you think you're just confronting him with the harsh truth.
Offer your full attention when you talk to him. If you seem distracted or keep checking your cell phone, you will feel even more offended
Step 6. Avoid clichés
Don't say sentences like "It's not you, it's me", "I think you deserve someone better than me" or "The fact is, I'm not ready for a relationship." All guys have heard these words before and it's best to be honest without hurting him too much - you just don't have that feeling. It's better to let him know in no uncertain terms that you will never want to build a relationship with him than to make him feel worse by telling him stories.
Step 7. Be concise
Once you have said what you had to say, it is time for your paths to part, forever or momentarily. He may want to keep talking and hearing new reasons why it can't work between you, but that will only harm both of you. If you think there might be some problem with the guy in question, prepare an emergency strategy in advance, whether it's meeting a friend or running an errand. If you have nothing else to do, it will be more difficult to say goodbye just to leave.
Step 8. If you want to keep a friendship with him, tell him
If you are truly connected by a deep friendship, you can tell him how important he is to you and that you don't want to ruin it. This doesn't mean you should say you barely want to be friends with someone you know (or even like); if you are not friends and you say "I just want a friendship with you", he will only consider it as an attempt on your part to try to make him feel better. However, if you have been friends for some time, you can make him happy by highlighting that he is a wonderful friend to you.
If you are truly friends, it is normal that he does not want to see you for a while. Of course, it won't be pleasant for you, but he may not be ready to see you only as a friend for a while longer
Method 2 of 2: Part 2: What to Do Next
Step 1. Give it space
Regardless of whether you are bonded by a strong friendship or are just classmates, you should give him space after you turn him down. You may try to be friends with him as usual or ask him for homework, but he may not be ready to talk to you yet. So give him some respite until he is ready to talk to you as a friend. Don't be bitter if it takes longer than you think.
Step 2. Don't act weird the next time you see him
The next time you meet, don't look at him as if he's an injured puppy and don't make an extra effort to ignore him. Just be yourself, behave naturally, and be nice if she comes close to talking to you. If he does not speak to you, you must not take the initiative as he is probably simply not ready to face you. The important thing is that you behave as if it were a small thing, so that he knows that your refusal is not a big problem and that you can be friends and keep talking to each other.
Step 3. Don't tell everyone you know the story
Save the boy the embarrassment of knowing that your fifty closest friends are aware of what happened. If you tell all your friends that you rejected him, they may start behaving strangely with him and he will find out. If he's a nice guy, he doesn't deserve to be treated like this for making an honest attempt to get close to you. Try to keep it to yourself; after all, if a guy refuses you you don't want all his friends to know, do you?
Step 4. Treat him with kindness
If you still talk to each other, don't be mean or rude to him unless he deserves it. If he's just trying to be friends or be nice to you, the least you can do is smile and pay him back with the same friendliness. It doesn't mean you have to hang out with him or spend a lot of time with him, but if your paths cross, just treat him with dignity. Simply do not flirt, do not touch him and do not be too kind, so that he can neither confuse the signals nor think that he has another chance.
Above all, feel empathy towards him. He will be suffering because you rejected him and you have to remember it, even if you don't want to go out with him
Advice
- Be sincere.
- Don't try to avoid it.
- If he gives you a gift, thank him very much and tell him frankly that it is friendship and not love.
- Before mortifying him, examine your feelings as you may find that you actually like him.
