Breaking bad news to someone is never pleasant, but doing it at the wrong time or the wrong way could make it worse. It is important to know the best approach to communicate bad news. The real problem (aside from their content) is that it is difficult to give them as much as to receive them. Learn some methods that will help you communicate them in the least painful way possible for both parties.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Choosing the Right Words
Step 1. Try to process your reaction
Before you prepare to break the bad news to someone else, take care of yourself. The news could also have repercussions on you or annoy you considerably, even if it does not involve you personally. It is important that you give yourself time to get back on your feet before trying to explain the situation to someone else.
You could have a cup of coffee, take a shower, meditate, or breathe deeply for a few minutes, or just sit in a quiet, dark place to cheer yourself up. After overcoming the initial shock, you will have less fear of talking to the other person, but it is important to realize that it could still be difficult
Step 2. Decide how to tell the story
Before giving bad news, it is important that you get an idea of how skilled and able you are to share. Be kind and choose the information carefully, so that it can be clearly understood by the recipient.
Don't wander and don't get lost in pleasantries. It is preferable for the person receiving the bad news that you avoid beating around the bush. Report what happened to explain the facts. Look the person straight in the eye and calmly tell them what happened
Step 3. Practice repeating what you have to say
This can help you formulate the phrases to use, but be prepared to be flexible and ready to adapt to the other person's signals. The words and the way you carry them depend on who you are, on the relationship you have with the other person to whom you give the bad news and on the context of the situation.
- If there has been an accident in which someone has died, practice communicating it directly, but gracefully: "I'm sorry, but Paolo was involved in a terrible accident."
- Try to give the person some time to psychologically prepare for what you could tell him and after he breathes a sigh to recover, he will ask you: "What happened?" or "How are you?". Then he continues saying: "I'm sorry, but he didn't make it".
- If you've been fired, say something like, "I'm terribly sorry to have to tell you that my company has been taken over by a larger company." Then he goes on to say: "As a result, unfortunately, I was fired."
Part 2 of 3: Choosing the Right Context
Step 1. Ask yourself if you are the right person to report the bad news
If you are just an acquaintance and you have learned bad news in advance and by chance, it is probably not your turn to communicate it, but if you are the sister of a woman who has been rushed to the hospital, you are probably the right person to communicate the news. to other family members.
Spreading out personal or sensitive information on social media just because you know the facts denotes a great lack of sensitivity. If the news is about a death or other serious circumstances, give family members and close friends time to call or visit the person personally before breaking in
Step 2. Make the place comfortable and secluded
The worst thing to do is to miss something in a public place without there being a place where your interlocutor can sit down to recover from the bad news. Choose a place where she can sit and rest. Also, try to lead the person where you are least likely to be disturbed. To make the surrounding environment more suitable, there are other aspects to consider:
- Get away from all sources of distraction like TV, radio, etc.
- Lower the shutter or close the curtains, if this allows you to create privacy, but do not make the environment too dark if it is still daylight outside.
- Close the door or put a partition or other object to create the right intimacy for both of you.
- If you think it will be useful to you, have a family member or friend accompany you.
Step 3. If possible, choose the right time
Sometimes it is not possible to postpone because the news must be communicated immediately, before word begins to spread. However, if you can, wait for the person to be more available and receptive.
- In other words, communicating bad news when someone walks through your doorstep after a day of work or school, or after you've argued with your partner, is probably not the best choice. While there is no "ideal" time to report bad news, it would be wise to avoid doing so while the person is on their way home or something similar.
- If the news is of such a priority that you cannot postpone it, breathe deeply and begin at any moment by saying something like: "Giovanna, I need to talk to you and I'm afraid I can't wait."
- The urgency of the problem can also be communicated by telephone, but it is advisable to ask the person if you can meet immediately, so that you can communicate the news face to face. If that's not possible, or if the other person needs to be told right away, you'd better ask them if they're sitting, as you need to tell them something unpleasant. If you are concerned about her reaction, suggest that she stand next to someone to support her.
Step 4. First try to understand the state of mind of your interlocutor
. It is also important to understand what they already know, to avoid repeating the same things or making an already difficult situation worse. This step is important, because it will help you to calibrate the words and the approach to take to report the bad news.
- It is important to understand if the other person already has a presentiment that something negative has happened, if he is assailed by emotions of fear, anxiety or worry or if the news will fall like a bolt from the blue (for example a car accident) or how something inevitable although not yet worked out (for example, the failure of a cure).
- Evaluate the bad news. How bad is it? Are you trying to communicate to someone that their cat is dead or that you have lost your job? Has a family member or close friend passed away? If the bad news affects you personally (such as losing your job), her reaction will be different from that of a problem that affects her personally (such as the death of your cat).
Part 3 of 3: Communicating Bad News Effectively
Step 1. Prepare the person to receive the bad news
A transitional affirmation can help you prepare yourself psychologically for the unexpected bad news. While you want to get to the point immediately without beating around the bush, you need to at least prepare the person for the shocking news.
You can use phrases like: "I have some sad news", "I just got a call from the hospital: there was an accident and …", or "I talked to the specialist and …", "There is no way simple to say, but… ", etc
Step 2. Offer your comfort to the person if you see fit
While reporting what happened, adapt to the other person's reactions as they manifest themselves by recognizing and addressing them. The most important aspect is your reaction to the emotions of your interlocutor.
- Establish a link between emotions and their cause and let the other person know that you understand the situation. Show that you have caught his reaction by saying phrases such as: "Clearly this is a terrible shock" or "I understand that you are really upset and angry about what happened", and so on.
- In this way the person will understand that you understand their pain or other reactions and that you are aware that they depend on the news you have just communicated, without making judgments, making assumptions or minimizing their emotions.
Step 3. Accept his silence as a possible reaction
Probably no one would ask questions or want answers after receiving bad news. Some may just sit in shock; if so, hug the person and sit next to them to show your empathy.
When comforting the person, don't forget social and cultural conventions to avoid making the situation worse
Step 4. Decide what to do next
It's okay to report bad news, but you need to have a strategy to adopt later. Your intervention can prevent the person from going into shock and let them know that you are willing to do something to resolve, manage, or deal with the consequences of the bad news. Ask yourself how to handle the situation. In the event of a bereavement, how will it be processed by a friend or relative? If the cat is dead, how will its owner pay homage to it? If someone has lost their job, how will they find another?
- You could offer to take the person somewhere, for example to the hospital to collect their relative's belongings, to a psychotherapist, to the police or anywhere else.
- Clarify what might happen next, especially in relation to your involvement. In case you are a doctor who gives your patient bad news regarding their care, for example, you could point out the next steps to take. Simply letting him know that you will not abandon him or continue to monitor his condition can be helpful in itself.
- Make sure you keep any promises you made to the person who received the bad news.
- Whenever possible, dedicate some of your time to the person and allow them to let off steam with you, if necessary.
