We all know a freeloader: a person who purposely "forgets" his wallet at home every time he goes out to eat dinner, "loses" the things that are loaned to him and always manages to avoid doing his part in a certain affair. If you want to maintain both your friendship and your health, you need to set hard but precise limits to stop these behaviors. The key is to read ahead of the potential situations in which parasitic behavior could occur, and to approach the problem with ever-increasing comparisons.
Steps
Step 1. Make jokes about his "forgetfulness"
For example, if your friend constantly "forgets" her wallet, imagine that she will do it again next time you go out to eat. Before you go to the restaurant, smile and tease her: "Are you sure you have your wallet this time?". If they want to borrow something that will probably never get back, you can say something like, "Soon you'll leave me in my underwear!" However, keep a cheerful attitude: the freeloader should understand that you are keeping an eye on him, even if sometimes it is not enough to make him stop.
Step 2. At the restaurant, ask for a separate bill when you order
If the scrounger tends not to order anything, but then continues to take food from "your" plate, cough lightly on your food and say something like, "I don't think you want to eat these nachos … I think I'm getting sick. Why don't you order a dish for yourself? ". When you order, ask for that dish to be placed on a separate account. If your friends think this is unpolite behavior, say something like this: "I'm charging it as a business lunch; I need a separate account in case it messes up and gets checked!".
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On the way to the restaurant, casually mention that you brought enough money to pay just for yourself. Or speak up when you are planning to communicate the idea that everyone pays for themselves. Make sure you respect this when the bill comes!
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Step 3. Dig to the root of their economic problems
Sometimes people are really broke, but if you're reading this, it's because the scrounger is probably someone always on the hunt for free stuff, and you suspect they're too lazy or stingy to do their part. Whenever this person is broke, he privately raises the issue of his financial problems with him shortly thereafter. Try to have a gentle approach, but make it clear that you have noticed this trend, so the fact that he is a freeloader cannot go unnoticed.
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"I've noticed you've been having a hard time putting your share when we go out lately. Is everything okay?"
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"I'm a little worried about you: it seems like you have very little money, even if you just got a job / got a raise. Did something happen?".
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Step 4. Give the scrounger a fair share in advance
If you are planning a trip or dinner, decide who should bring what. Make a list, and ask the freeload friend what he or she will bring. If he complains about his financial situation, show your closeness and ask to bring one of the cheaper items, or propose to him / her to cook something (which is always cheaper, but at least requires effort). Once the scrounger sees his name on the list, it will be difficult for him to back down. Just make sure that the "only" person is responsible for carrying what has been assigned to him, so that, in case he does not carry it, everyone can notice this forgetfulness.
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This also works with that colleague, brother or friend who doesn't put their share to give a common gift (to a parent, boss, etc.), but still wants to put their name on the card. Make a list!
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If you have a freeloader roommate, have a chalkboard or paper with the housework and costs written on it. Check one thing off the list when someone executes it or a debt when it is paid off. This will make it clear that the scrounger will never get anything.
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Step 5. Announce that it is your turn to bid
This is where things start to get more aggressive. If somehow the scrounger refuses, or seems to snub your question, you must threaten to cancel the event - get serious.
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"Since I drove last time, can you take the car this time? Oh, can't you? Okay, anyway I was thinking about not going."
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"I paid the bill last week, can you pay this time? If you can't, that's okay. Maybe we could find something else to do. Can you pay for a game of billiards?"
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"Since last time we had lunch / dinner at my house, do you want to organize at your house this time? Well, if we can't find someone to host us, then we will have to cancel. I can host you every now and then, but not all of them the times".
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Step 6. Take revenge
Since there are many times you have helped him, test him to see if he returns the favor… you go scrounging with him! "Forget" your wallet, ask him to lend you some money, borrow his clothes, and see what happens. It might seem unnatural to you, but you might really discover the true nature of your friends. Don't wait until you are "really" in a state of need, only to find that many of your friends will leave you in the lurch.
Step 7. Talk to mutual friends about it
If you have mutual friends, you may want to talk to them about the freeloader's behavior in the most diplomatic way possible. It is better if you can come together. For example, you could say, "Piero is a great person, we have a lot of fun going out with him, but I have noticed that when we go out together he never plays his part, and I am worried that this could create tension in our friendship.. It would be a good thing if we could do something so as to avoid other problems. " If you don't want to (or can't) break the friendship, you may need some kind of intervention. Financial problems can destroy people, so don't let your friend's problems ruin the relationship.
Advice
- If they ask you to "borrow" money just say "I don't have any". Or, to avoid a possible lie, you can say, "I don't have enough to lend you." It works. Freeloaders often "borrow" money that they will never give back.
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Break the friendship.
If only your friends are taking advantage of you, it might be better to break the friendship. But make sure you really want all of that, because it's a decision that you can't go back on.
- Make it clear 'that you appreciate that person's company and personality, but don't appreciate that particular behavior.
- Be persistent. It takes some time to change a certain behavior, so you will have to be decisive in changing the answers given to the scrounger.
Warnings
- Watch out to people who are too permissive, who do not notice the freeloader's behavior or actively encourage it. Make sure you discuss their behavior diplomatically.
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Be careful.
These tips could hurt your friend. If you really consider the scrounger a friend, sometimes you may want to help him.
