It's hard to imagine a more shocking scene than where you surprise your girlfriend with someone else. In all likelihood, you would feel embarrassed, hurt, and angry, and you would certainly indulge in overreaction. What do you do? What are you saying? You should think about what to do so that you are prepared in case the unthinkable happens. However, don't think it's the end of the world.
Steps
Part 1 of 2: React Properly
Step 1. Stay calm
You may initially react by losing your temper, but in the heat of the moment you better not do anything you might regret. Resist the urge to scream or be violent. It is a situation that you must resolve when you have processed everything that has happened. Thus, by yelling, crying or attacking, you will compromise the ability to act better at the right time.
Walk away if you feel the need to vent your anger violently. You have to face it when you are calmer. So, get out of your room, home or wherever else you are
Step 2. Immediately warn you that you are leaving to allow the two lovers to get dressed
Wait somewhere else while they come together. Find a place to sit and breathe deeply. If you need to let off some steam, punch a pillow.
Step 3. Prepare to face the other man
If you are in your apartment or shared house, ask them to leave. If she refuses, don't resort to violence, but explain that you need time to work things out with your girlfriend.
- Be prepared for an aggressive backlash from the lover as you have discovered it in something dishonorable. You shouldn't take the initiative, but it's prudent to have a back-up plan.
- Try positioning yourself near an exit or near the kitchen, or have an object handy that you can use to defend yourself.
Step 4. Think about what to do
If you're too angry to think straight, that's not a problem. Wait for your girlfriend to come out and calmly tell her that you need to be alone for some time and that you will let her know when you are ready to talk to her. Then go out, call a friend you can trust and try to calm down.
Part 2 of 2: Talk to Your Girlfriend
Step 1. Know what you want before starting the comparison
Whether you want to continue being with your girlfriend and find a solution or end your relationship, make sure you know what you want before talking to her. If you have clear ideas, you will be able to stay focused on the discussion.
Step 2. Meet her in person
Don't let your lover come too, otherwise your girlfriend will be in a position of power. Plus, it's a situation that affects only the two of you. The other man may not even know she was busy, so don't make yourself a useless enemy.
Step 3. Explain that you want to discuss it calmly and honestly
If at the beginning of the meeting you indicate that you want to approach the issue in a lucid and rational way, you will also avoid getting excited. If your partner intends to apologize or speak first, allow them to.
Step 4. Try to be mature
Be aware that he will be on the defensive and therefore it is normal that he may irritate you. He will likely try to blame you for his betrayal, yell, or try to make you angry. Listen to what he has to say, but don't fall into the trap of his maneuvers. Keep calm and be firm about your decision.
Step 5. Be honest, but rational
Explain why you are in pain and what you want to do. If you want to end the relationship, tell her that you are too hurt to put a stone on it and move on. However, if you're willing to save your relationship, don't hesitate to tell him and see what he thinks.
Don't speak out of anger or pain. You may say something you will regret
Step 6. Respect your decision
If you decide to try to recover the relationship, don't hold a grudge for a year and a half. While you may want to be cautious, it's not healthy to punish her repeatedly, as your relationship will eventually suffer further. If you decide to leave her, don't go back to her after two weeks. That way, he'll think your intentions weren't serious and may even betray you again.
Advice
- You probably want to make her feel guilty about her infidelity. However, keep in mind that in some cases the cheating person is no longer interested in being with their partner.
- It's normal to lose your temper. You have to vent your anger in order to understand what you are feeling.
- The thought of taking revenge on the man you discovered in bed with your girlfriend will surely come to you, but remember not to do anything that will get you in trouble with the law. Why waste time with such a person?
- Maybe you don't intend to end the story right away because you could find yourself in a really dramatic situation. However, if you end your relationship, be prepared to stand up for yourself and prevent your girlfriend from harming herself. So, sit down at the table, talk to her quietly, and explain yourself calmly.
- If you want to save your relationship, you should invite your girlfriend to discuss why she cheated on you. There is always a reason behind infidelity and it usually depends on the fact that something is missing in the relationship. Be open about this topic.
