How to Deal With Your Ex (with Pictures)

2024 Author: Samantha Chapman | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 09:13

Rarely does the end of a romance involve a clean break. You may find yourself in spite of yourself in situations where you are forced to interact with your ex. It is not easy to deal with someone you have loved, but there are some solutions to make everything less unpleasant and painful.

Steps

Part 1 of 4: Interacting with Your Ex Among People

Step 1. Be patient

You are used to emotionally and physically manifesting your intimacy among others, so don't expect to establish a new kind of relationship out of the blue.

Don't look for it, especially in the beginning. In these circumstances, experts recommend taking at least eight weeks, during which it is necessary to reset all types of contact. You will have a harder time moving forward if you keep seeing him as soon as you break up

Step 2. Treat him as you would treat a colleague or classmate

Be friendly and respectful without giving them too much confidence.

• Superficially related. Especially if you haven't seen each other for a long time, resist the temptation to talk about the old problems that have torn your relationship apart.>

  • You: Hi, Marco. Did you see the game last night?
  • Him: Yes, but the team needs a new technical director.
  • You: The backup striker looked pretty fit. Maybe he should have gone in from the start.
  • Him: Yes, in fact I didn't understand that decision.
  • You: Well, nice to see you again. Hopefully they will play the playoffs.

• If your ex faces a controversial issue, try to change the subject by bringing the conversation to something more conciliatory.

  • Him: Hi, Melania. Have you tried the pierogues?
  • You: Yes. They remind me of the ravioli your mom used to make often.
  • Him: How do you know? You never went to see her.
  • You: I think we both enjoyed his cooking.
  • Him: That's true.

  

  Step 3. Avoid alcohol

  The nerves are already tense. If you drink, your inhibitions will drop and you may say something you will regret.

  

  Step 4. Cut all contacts on the Internet

  Delete him from friends on Facebook and avoid him in other social networks. Otherwise, the urge to keep an eye on him will be too great: you will want to know if he is sad without you, if he has started dating some other person and so on. According to some research, this temptation is best avoided.

  • It is easy to engage in obsessive behavior, which can turn into what psychologists refer to as "interpersonal electronic surveillance" or, as it is called, virtual stalking.
  • This habit is also bad for emotional health. Like seeing your ex in person, interacting with him online can also prolong the pain.
  • If you continue to follow him on social networks, remember that what you see is a very partial view of his life. Do not think you suffer more than him because he does not publish anything of what he is feeling.

  

  Step 5. Be careful if you try to be friends

  Many couples prefer to stay on good terms when they separate. It's a normal reaction, because maybe they were having fun and sharing a lot of things together. So why shouldn't you keep doing what you did before, going to football games with your ex, calling him to let off steam when you have a bad day at work, or asking him for his jacket when you're cold? There are many reasons, it seems.

  • Maintain physical and emotional distance to avoid any ambiguity. Attitudes ranging from flirting to physical contact can be confusing.
  • Limit your interactions. You shouldn't be calling him all the time, but not even once a day. Staying friends is plausible, but they shouldn't be the first person you turn to to share good or bad news.
  • You shouldn't cultivate a friendship in an attempt to win him back. If unlike him you want to rekindle the passion, it is better to cut all ties.

  

  Step 6. Don't spoil special occasions because of your relationship

  Since you have a lot of mutual acquaintances and friendships, it is very likely that in the years to come you will meet in many circumstances, including birthday parties, graduations and weddings. Prepare for the inevitable.

  • Don't ignore each other on these occasions, but don't sit next to each other either. If you are not on good terms, there is a risk that a scene will break out. Also, don't spend the whole evening answering questions about a possible reconciliation.
  • Limit your presence if it's not important. You can both see a mutual friend's play, but it's best not to go to dinner together once it's over. Nobody likes to miss an interesting event, but it is preferable if there is the possibility of a heated argument.

  Part 2 of 4: Seeing Your Ex at School or Work

  

  Step 1. Always keep a serious attitude

  Keep personal problems separate from work or school life. Ideally, you do this from the start, otherwise you should set the record straight. Don't let the consequences of a breakup affect your performance at work or school.

  • If you get upset when you see your ex, consider changing your habits to avoid it. Take a break at different times than yours and study other routes to the copier machine.
  • Imagine your boss looking at you every time you interact with him. This thought will push you to be even more professional.

  

  Step 2. Discreetly communicate your problems

  If he doesn't respect your decision to "keep a professional relationship" and starts discussing your problems, tell him you will address the matter later or just respond to business communications. If absolutely impossible, try to hold the discussion privately, using your personal phone numbers or emails (not company contacts).

  • You: Is that report ready to give to the boss?
  • Him: Yeah, but before I talk about that, I need to know when you're going to give me my stuff.
  • You: Can we talk about it later?
  • Him: I need it as soon as possible.
  • You: Ok. Please give me a call or email me after work so we can organize.

  

  Step 3. Find a solution

  If you're worried about being caught arguing with your ex while you reheat something in the microwave, try spending your lunch break with co-workers. Any embarrassment between you will be less noticeable in a group of people.

  Part 3 of 4: Getting to Know Your Ex's New Partner

  

  Step 1. Make the meeting happen naturally

  If you know you're dating a new person, resist the temptation to search the Internet for them. At the same time, accept the fact that sooner or later you will get to know her. Whether it's an organized meeting or an entirely occasional one, behave with ease.

  • Face the situation head on. It probably weighs you down, but if you come across them on a walk, you might want to say hello to them rather than pretend you don't see them and melt it in a shop. You will survive and, once the match is over, you will be able to move on with less doubts and uncertainties.
  • Know that self-confidence also works from the outside in. If you know you will be meeting your ex and his new partner, choose clothing that will allow you to be comfortable and confident. You will be more relaxed and comfortable with yourself too.

  

  Step 2. Be friendly, but don't lie

  You can be polite and polite without making up that you are hanging out with someone else, which can make you look unreliable.

  • You: Hi, Mara. Pleased to meet you.
  • Her: Hi, Sandra. I've heard a lot about you.
  • You: How long have you lived in Rome?
  • Lei: I moved when I was at university.
  • You: Which university did you go to?
  • Her: Wisdom.
  • You: Me too! Who knows if we have taken some courses together.

  

  Step 3. Be understanding

  It is normal to feel embarrassed in these situations. Moving on with his life, your ex has no intention of hurting you. At the same time, her new partner is likely to feel in competition with you in terms of looks, career, personality, etc. However, all three of you will want to relate with peace of mind, and probably as fast as possible, so you will all be in the same boat.

  

  Step 4. Learn from your reaction

  It's certainly not easy, but seeing your ex with a new partner can help you recover. This is especially true when you need to understand if you are ready to have other acquaintances.

  Part 4 of 4: Raising Children with Your Ex

  

  Step 1. Be open, direct and friendly with him

  Please note that you will have to interact for a long time. The separation becomes even more complicated when the children are involved. In these cases, multiple people's feelings are at stake, so you can't avoid your ex as much as you would like. According to some experts, co-parenting is the best solution for children of separated couples.

  • Co-parenting presupposes a sharing of time and an evaluation of the choices by both parents, therefore it requires an open and frequent communication between the two former spouses.
  • If you have difficulty communicating in an open and direct way, consider exchanging a notebook in which to write down all the important information about the time each of you want to spend with the children.

  

  Step 2. Be respectful

  As you make these arrangements, try to maintain a friendly relationship with your ex. Screaming, insults, and other conflicting attitudes can negatively affect children and undermine the relationship they have with each of you.

  • You: Giorgio, I know it's difficult, but I need you to tell me what time you will come to pick up the children.
  • Him: Don't bother me. I'll take them after work.
  • You: I understand this sounds annoying, but I have some commitments tonight, so I'd like to get organized.
  • Him: Okay. I'll pick them up at six.

  

  Step 3. Don't interact with your ex if he's aggressive

  Take all necessary steps to protect yourself and your children.