Your new boyfriend or girlfriend is just perfect. The only problem is that he kisses like shit! From the guy who sucks blood with every kiss to the girl who makes that weird sound when your lips stick together, bad kissers are everywhere. For many of us, kissing is an important part of the relationship and unfortunately, the inability to give a passionate kiss (or worse, a disgusting kiss) can be a real deterrent. Fortunately, most bad kissers can get better if you have a little patience, tact and courage.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Part 1: Understanding the Problem
Step 1. Think about what you don't like
Before you can encourage a good kiss, you'll need to figure out what makes it right for you. It can be tough, because you typically enjoy different kisses at different times. If you're having trouble defining a good kiss, determining what you "don't" like about your partner probably won't be as complicated. If you intend to tell him about it, don't tell him directly "Kisses like shit!" You need to provide constructive input.
Step 2. Don't automatically think of the worst
Your partner may have different tastes and styles than yours and it shouldn't be difficult to "target" them. Don't think right away that he has no idea what he's doing.
Step 3. Think back to your kissing "history"
Is your partner really that bad or are you used to something else? When you get out of a long-term relationship, you might be addicted to the way you kissed your ex. Just because someone doesn't kiss exactly like your old flame did, doesn't mean they're not good at it. Try to have an open mind about it and give it some time. You may even end up liking the way you kiss right now.
Step 4. Determine how attracted you are to her / him
Do you like? If you don't feel passion, everything the person does may seem wrong. If you are still attached to your ex boyfriend or girlfriend, or if you are not completely caught up in your current one, the problem is much more serious.
Method 2 of 3: Part 2: Correct the Problem
Step 1. Find out what your partner likes
You could be part of the problem. For example, if you are more passive than the other would like, you may be kissed more aggressively as a suggestion.
Step 2. Suggest what you like
Your partner can't please you if they don't know what you want. At the right time, let them know. Try telling him / her that you love the fact that you kiss and want you. Say it even if it doesn't do exactly what you like. Explaining to the person what you prefer will reinforce the concept in their mind.
Step 3. Set a good example
Try to kiss the person how you would like to be kissed. Kissing is an interactive experience and each must try to follow the other. When you lead, impose yourself. It can be a particularly useful technique if your partner isn't very experienced or if they're not sure they're doing well.
Step 4. Take your time
Savor the pleasure of kissing, stay a little behind. Calmly, return to closed mouth kisses. Gradually, get to the safety zone and see if there is a change.
Step 5. Experiment together
Trying new things makes kissing more interesting. If you see a great kiss in a movie, explain that you'd like to try it. Be as specific as possible. You are both likely to be too aggressive or rooted in your routine. Give it a try and you both may discover something new that you enjoy.
Step 6. Give your partner signals
When he kisses you in a way you don't like, don't be afraid to walk away. Use body language and hope he or she catches the reference. More importantly, when your partner does something you like, let them know. Moan softly, squeeze him more, merge into his embrace. Most unwanted kisses look alike, so you should take the opportunity to reward something well done. Keep rewarding what you like and discouraging what you don't love, and your poor kisser could become perfect without you having to say a single word.
Step 7. Be patient
Sometimes the partner just needs to practice. If you keep being sincere and honest about what you want, he may keep trying until both of you improve.
Method 3 of 3: Part 3: Eliminate the Problem
Step 1. A decision is made to let it go
You do not have to leave your partner if you are in a relationship or dating with the intention of having one. However, if you're not looking for anything serious and the guy or girl you met at the bar gave you a terrible kiss, don't treat her without regard. Use the excuse that you are tired and that you need to go out with friends. You can always say "ugh," but I don't think you want to offend or embarrass anyone.
Alternatively, you can withdraw from the kiss. Look the person in the eye and say something like, "This is how I like to kiss." Then kiss the person as you would like him / her to do with you. You may be offended, which is why you will need to be patient, especially if you already have a history. However, this can be a way to get what you are looking for or to give it a break
Step 2. Talk about it
When the suggestion falls on deaf ears, it's time to bring it all out. A bad discussion could arise, but it must be addressed in the interest of the relationship. Communication is essential to any story, so don't be afraid to tell the person how you feel. Play smart and praise your partner for good things. Don't make generic claims. Talk about specific problems instead, so that the partner knows that you are not just malicious and can try to improve.
Step 3. Explore the extreme options
In the worst case scenario, you have two choices: lower your standards or close with the person who kisses badly. If she's great in all other respects and kissing isn't that important to you, you can put up with it. If, on the other hand, you need someone who is perfect even in this, you will have to end your relationship. If you try to communicate your needs early on and the person doesn't adapt, they probably won't do it in other parts of the relationship either and that makes him / her the wrong partner for you. It's hard to break up with someone, but remember that without it you will get better and presumably that person will take the hint by becoming a better partner to someone else in the future.
Advice
- The first kiss is essential, and some people aren't even willing to try to be in a relationship with someone who can't kiss. If you are such a person, remember that bad kissing doesn't have to be an eternal worry especially if you are willing to help your partner. If you throw someone away just for an unsatisfying kiss, you risk losing a relationship that could be great. That said, sometimes someone who can't kiss is actually a poorly receptive and attentive partner, and could be bad at other important things as well. Try to consider how much experience this person has in the field of kissing. If you can blame the bad outcome on inexperience, then maybe there is hope, but if the person has had a lot of stories, maybe you are in a bind.
- Be proactive. Don't wait months or years to discuss the kissing issue. The longer you wait, the harder it will be for you to raise the issue than for the other to change.
- A good way to open the door to communication is to ask if there is nothing YOU can do better or that he / she would like to try. You could both learn something. People are usually more receptive when you don't put yourself on a higher level. Try: "I love it when you do this … but I don't know how I would feel if …"
- Help the other. He may not be aware that he is a bad kisser, but he certainly won't want to hear about it in public.
- The next time you're in front of your PC with your partner, try randomly showing them some wikiHow articles. Check out the various articles on kissing such as How to Kiss or How to French Kiss. Do not reveal why you want to read these articles and have fun doing it together, joking about them and kissing each other. It's a great opportunity to mention things you like and things you don't like. Avoid this article though!
- The quality of the kiss can vary depending on the situation you are in. If your partner is shy in public, a kiss in front of everyone may not be as satisfying as kissing in private. Other things (including sex) may divert attention from the kiss and thus alter its quality. Be that as it may, decide what's most important and focus on improving that aspect.
- Giving an exaggerated kiss for fun can let your partner know what's wrong and give you a reason to both laugh. It can work as a moment of intimacy, become a beautiful memory, or as a means of relieving tension.
