Are you wondering why certain people treat you badly? Whether they are strangers, friends or family, you probably want to know what makes them behave this way. Find out what is happening by observing their behavior and asking others for advice. So, speak openly to dispel any doubts. Finally, learn to set healthy boundaries with those who mortify and trample you.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Evaluating the Behavior of Those Who Abuse You
Step 1. Write down everything that makes her behavior intolerable
To understand the real reason that can justify incorrect treatment, you must be able to describe in a clear and detailed way what is happening. Then, think about the way he treats you and the attitudes that make you uncomfortable. Try to be specific and write down every detail.
Write down any details you can spot in relation to his behavior. Suppose he ignores you every time you talk to him. Write down exactly what happens
Step 2. Put yourself in his shoes
Think about all the possible reasons behind his behavior. Of course, you can't read other people's minds, but try to imagine that the same thing happened to you and consider the reasons that led this person to act in a certain way.
- For example, she may have received bad news at school and, when you went to talk to her, she turned you away. It is likely that this was the reason that led her to act badly towards you, so it is not up to you.
- Alternatively, suppose you have unintentionally excluded her from a game. His reaction will not be the best since he may believe you have put it aside. In this case, you may be able to solve the problem by acknowledging that you were wrong and apologizing.
Step 3. Observe how he treats others
To get a better idea of his behavior, find out how he interacts with other people. Look for clues that confirm or contradict his attitude towards you. If it behaves roughly the same way, it's probably not you making the difference. If, on the other hand, they treat you differently, the problem could be personal.
Step 4. Ask someone else for their opinion
Since you can be more or less susceptible to the bad behavior of others, you may want to listen to the opinion of a second or third person. Talk to a mutual friend and see what he thinks about it.
You could say to him: "You know, I've noticed that Roberta is really wicked lately. You too?"
Step 5. Decide if you'd rather let it go
Try to understand how you can behave using information gleaned from the observations and opinions of others. If you believe that this person's attitude depends on something that happened to them, you may choose not to give them too much weight.
However, if you can't find a clear reason or if you suspect there is a problem between you, you may decide that it is best to ask for clarification
Part 2 of 3: Talk
Step 1. Take him aside to talk face to face
If you decide to ask him for an explanation, do it in private, otherwise in the presence of other people, you risk worsening the situation and compromising your confrontation.
You could say: "Marco, can I take a few minutes to talk to you?"
Step 2. Describe the behavior you saw and how you felt
Once you have him in front of him, tell him everything you noticed in his attitude. Then tell him what you felt.
- Clearly state what you saw: "This week I noticed that every time I greet you, you don't answer me."
- So, tell him how hurt you felt: "I'm very sorry when you ignore me."
Step 3. Ask for an explanation
Once they have described their behavior towards you, ask them to explain why they did this.
- You could ask him, "Can you explain to me why you treated me like this?"
- Be aware that he may deny or refuse to explain.
Step 4. Set up stakes
While you can't control people's behavior towards you, you can still let people know how you expect to be treated by setting limits. If someone treats you badly, identify what relationship boundary they have crossed. Then urge him not to repeat this mistake.
- Going back to the previous example, you might say, "If you keep ignoring my greetings, I'll stop greeting you too."
- If, on the other hand, there is someone who insults you, try to react by reiterating the limits you would like them to respect: "Please don't call me that. If you do it again, I'll tell the teacher."
Part 3 of 3: Get the Treatment You Deserve
Step 1. Don't accept mortifications
Don't feel guilty when you dispute an incorrect attitude and clarify the boundaries you intend to keep in your relationships. You deserve to be treated with respect and only you can make sure others understand this. The next time someone misbehaves, talk to them explaining how you expect to be treated.
Step 2. Take your distance
If a person continues to abuse you, stop dating or directly cut all bridges. This will let her know that you find her conduct unacceptable and that you cannot tolerate this situation any longer.
If he asks why you moved away, simply reply: "I did it to protect myself, because you weren't treating me as I expected."
Step 3. Show people how you want to be treated
The way you treat yourself clearly suggests how you want to be treated. Then, demonstrate to acquaintances, friends and relatives how they should behave towards you by establishing a series of relationship parameters.
- For example, you shouldn't demean yourself or present yourself negatively in front of others. Walk and move confidently and confidently, keeping your chin elevated and shoulders back.
- You can also show how you want to be treated by openly stating your needs ("I need someone to talk to") and confirming when a person is behaving well ("Thank you very much for respecting my privacy").
Step 4. Treat others with respect
Set an example by behaving with consideration and kindness. When you talk, try to be friendly and encouraging instead of denigrating or gossiping. If you show respect for others, you will surely be reciprocated.
