Whether it's a romantic breakup, depression or weight loss, it's good to be next to a friend to support and encourage them! While you don't have to overdo it in showing your support, closeness and availability can be a huge encouragement in itself.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Encourage a Friend to Cope with a Difficult Life Change
Step 1. Contact him
When you discover that someone is going through a crisis, whether it's a divorce, a breakup with a partner, an illness or the disappearance of a loved one, get in touch with them as soon as possible. People who find themselves in a difficult or crisis situation tend to feel isolated.
- Whether the person lives away from you or in your city, give them a call, send them an email or text.
- It goes without saying that you know the difficult time she is going through. Just show yourself close, ask how things are going and offer your support. It can be a huge comfort to someone who is in trouble.
- While it's not nice to show up unannounced, it can be a good idea to visit in person. This is especially important if a friend is struggling with an illness that makes it difficult for them to leave the house.
Step 2. Listen without making judgments
People feel the need to tell the facts in their own way, especially if they are in crisis. Of course you will form an opinion of their situation, but it is not always necessary to express an opinion, especially if it is not required.
- Focus on your friend and the fact that he is confiding in you, so that he can recover successfully.
- You could ask him if he wants advice, but don't be surprised if he doesn't follow it later.
Step 3. Offer practical help
Instead of giving him advice, offer him practical help. It can make a huge difference to someone who is struggling with a difficult situation. Even helping out by doing small things can make a difference.
Help him with household chores, such as shopping, cleaning the house, walking the dog. Usually these core tasks are the first to be pushed aside when a person's life is falling apart
Step 4. Let your friend face what he is feeling in his own way
Emotions that arise during a difficult life change (following an illness, the death of a loved one, divorce, or a romantic breakup) tend to come in waves. One day your friend may accept the changes taking place and the next day feel completely broken.
- Never say something like, "It seemed like everything was going well. What happened?" or "Haven't you tormented yourself too much?".
- Contain the sense of discomfort in front of his emotions. Of course, it can be difficult to deal with strong emotions, especially if they belong to a person we care about. Remember, though, that it's not about you, it's about your friend and the difficult time he's going through. Make sure he feels comfortable expressing what he feels in your presence.
Step 5. Offer yourself as someone they can rely on
Make sure your friend knows that you are there to help and support him. While it would be best if he had more than one support nearby so that all the weight doesn't fall on you, it's important that he can rely on you.
- Let your friend know he doesn't bother you. Try saying something like, "Call me whenever you feel upset or downcast! I want to help you deal with this difficult situation."
- This is especially important in the event of a romantic breakup or divorce. The friend who supports is the person they should turn to when they want to call their ex.
Step 6. Encourage your friend not to neglect the basics
When someone is going through a difficult event in life, they tend to forget the basics. This is because people trying to get over an illness, bereavement, or equally difficult event are prone to neglect food, appearance, and social life.
- Remind him to do things like shower and exercise. The best way is to offer to go for a walk together or to invite him out for coffee, so that he can make a commitment to look after his appearance.
- To get him to eat, you could bring him something so he won't have to cook and wash the dishes afterward. Otherwise, you can take him out to eat (or even order something, if he's not willing to interact with other people).
Step 7. Don't take control of his life
Even if you have every good intention on your part to help someone who is having a hard time, sometimes you run the risk of oppressing them with your help. Furthermore, there is a danger of taking away control of her life. A divorce, illness, or the death of a loved one can trigger feelings of helplessness.
- Offer alternatives. It is not enough to take your friend out for dinner, ask him where and when he would prefer to eat. By allowing him to make decisions, however small, you can progressively help him regain control of his life.
- Don't spend too much money. Bringing a friend in pain to a manicure is one thing, but if you spend too much money, she'll feel like she'll have to reciprocate and can't take care of herself.
Step 8. Take care of yourself
When a friend is in crisis, there is also the possibility that he will pour all his emotions on you. This occurs especially if you too have had an experience similar to hers.
- Set limits. Even if you want to support your friend in overcoming his problems, make sure your life doesn't start revolving around him.
- Know what behaviors and situations trigger. If you're dealing with a friend who recently ran away from home for family abuse, and it's a situation you've experienced in the past too, you may need to take a step back.
Step 9. Continue to help
Usually, people are very eager to help immediately, when an event tears someone's life apart, but they fade over time. Don't act like this. Make sure your friend knows he can call you if he needs to, and that you won't back down.
Method 2 of 3: Encourage a Friend to Fight Depression
Step 1. Recognize the symptoms of depression
Sometimes people may not be depressed when they are simply going through a difficult time in life. However, if a friend shows signs of depression, they may need to be very careful to keep it from getting worse.
- Are you constantly sad, anxious, or drained? Does it show feelings of hopelessness or pessimism (nothing will be the same, life is terrible)?
- Do you suffer from guilt, feel useless or helpless? Are you tired and out of energy? Do you have difficulty concentrating, remembering or making decisions?
- Have you noticed that she is insomniac or sleeping too much? Are you gaining weight or losing too much weight? Are you restless and irritable?
- Did you mention or talk about death or suicide? Have you made or reported a suicide attempt? These behaviors could be heralded by statements of how the world would be a better place without his presence.
Step 2. Acknowledge his pain, but don't stop there
Remember that the pain and feelings of hopelessness and helplessness are real. Recognize the fact that he has these negative feelings and then do your best to distract him.
- Depressed people can react to distractions. You don't have to distract him in an obvious way. If you are taking a walk, for example, emphasizing the beauty of the light on the water or the color of the sky, you risk the conversation getting worse.
- Even examining negative feelings over and over can actually make things worse, because it encourages a depressed person to take a negative attitude.
Step 3. Avoid taking his depression personally
When someone is depressed, they often have a hard time relating emotionally to others because of what they are going through. By taking the situation personally, you will make his recovery more difficult.
- A depressed person may go wild by saying something offensive or angry at you. Remember that depression is the one talking, not your friend.
- This does not mean that he has the right to mistreat you. If your friend is as offensive as he is depressed, then he will need the help of a psychotherapist. You probably won't be able to help him other than making sure that you will be around him when he stops hurting you.
Step 4. Don't underestimate the severity of your depression
Depression is often linked to a chemical imbalance in the brain. It is much more than just a state of sadness or unhappiness. The depressed person may feel engulfed in despair and emptiness.
Never tell someone "Don't make a fuss of it!" or that he might be happy if he just "did yoga" "got thinner", "got out more", etc. This approach will lead to the other person not trusting you and will make them feel worse and guilty about what they are going through
Step 5. Offer to help by doing little things
Depression can make anything like cleaning the house, washing dishes, going to work extremely difficult. It can make a huge difference to help out with the little things, lightening the burden of those who are sick.
- People dealing with depression waste most of their energy fighting it and being swallowed up by this mood disorder. Therefore, they don't have a lot of resources to do housework.
- Occasionally bring something ready to eat for dinner or offer to help clean the house. Ask if you can take the dog out for a walk together.
Step 6. Listen with indulgence
Depression is not something that can be solved simply. Offering to listen to those who are suffering can be more helpful than giving a flood of advice and opinions on what they are going through.
- One way to start the conversation might be, "I've been worried about you lately" or "I've been wanting to see you because you've seemed pretty down in the dumps lately."
- If you have trouble expressing your feelings or opening up, you can ask a few questions to understand: "Has something happened that you started feeling this way?" or "When did you start feeling this way?".
- Here are some positive things to say: "You are not alone in this situation. I am close to you", "I care about you and I want to help you get through this difficult time" and "You are so important to me. Your life is so important. for me".
Step 7. Remember that you are not his therapist
Even if you are a psychotherapist, you shouldn't psychoanalyze a friend, especially if you do it outside of your working hours. Being next to someone who is coping with depression and listening to them doesn't mean you have to take responsibility for their mental state.
If your friend constantly calls you in the middle of the night, when you need to sleep, talks about suicide, or seems stuck in a terrible situation for months or years, it means that he needs to see a therapist instead of talking to you
Step 8. Encourage your friend to seek professional help
You can also offer him encouragement and support, you are unable to give him the professional help he needs, causing the depression to go away with sheer willpower. It may be difficult to explain these things, but if you care about his well-being, it is important that you address them with him.
- Ask him if he has ever considered or if he went to a professional for help.
- Suggest that they consider some resources that can help or, if you know a good professional, recommend one.
Step 9. Know that depression can come and go
Depression is not something that comes once and then goes away forever once you take the right medications (it's not chicken pox). It can be a lifelong struggle, even if your friend finds the right drug therapy.
Don't abandon it. Depression can be a state of mind that cuts people off from the world, isolating them, and can make them feel insane. Having supportive people around can make a difference
Step 10. Set your limits
Of course, your friend is important to you and you intend to do everything in your power to encourage him to heal. However, even if you offer your support, don't lose sight of yourself.
- Take care of you. In some moments, distance yourself from those who are depressed. Spend time with people who don't have this problem or need your support.
- Remember that if you do not (or have not entered into) a reciprocal relationship with your friend, then the relationship itself, in the end, could become deleterious and one-sided. Don't get sucked into this kind of situation.
Method 3 of 3: Encourage a Friend to Cope With Weight Loss
Step 1. Don't tell him he needs to lose weight
You're no one's boss but yourself, and telling a friend that they need to lose weight is rude. Plus, you risk losing his friendship. Everyone, making his own decisions, must be able to choose what is best for himself.
Keep this in mind even in case weight has become a health concern. In all likelihood, he will recognize that he has a problem and, if he wants to do something, he will
Step 2. Become an active part of his weight loss plans
When a person is intent on losing weight, he needs the support of his friends. If she is willing to share her problem with you, do everything you can to find out about her diet and physical activity.
- Make a commitment to train with your friend. Tell him that you will go to work on your bike with him or that you will go for a run in the evening every day. Go to the gym together and encourage him.
- Eat with him the dishes he prepares or those included in his diet, so that he does not feel alone in choosing this diet.
Step 3. Don't focus on what it does
It is not your job to monitor what it does. Unless specifically asked, don't focus on how things are going, what he's eating, moments of failure, and so on. You're not his diet cop. Stand by him to support and encourage him, not to force him to do his duty.
- Cheer on the small wins and the goals it achieves.
- Avoid criticizing when he fails to do something right. If he eats wrong or is a little sluggish during training, it is not your responsibility to tell him to get busy.
Step 4. Celebrate accomplishments along the way
When you have lost weight or managed to intensify your exercise program, celebrate! Make sure the festivities don't focus and don't focus on food.
Take him out to see a movie, offer him a pedicure, or buy him that nice new book he craves so much
Step 5. Take care of the person, not the diet
When you talk to him, don't focus on his diet, what he has accomplished, or where he has fallen. Instead, ask him how things are going (in his life), how the dog is doing, how school is doing, or what is new at work.
Remember that regardless of whether or not he succeeds in losing weight, he will always be your friend. His life shouldn't revolve around losing weight and how much he weighs
Step 6. Avoid overdoing it
It is tempting to show someone how close you are by giving them tons of "useful" ideas to do things better, making a training program and buying different books on how to lose weight. Don't give in.
It's better to ask him for what he needs and just be around him, rather than pushing him to do things he doesn't want
Advice
- Avoid making judgments when encouraging a friend, whether it's having a difficult time, coping with depression, or losing weight. Phrases like "You should have been more careful" or "You wouldn't be so depressed if you had a healthier diet" will only upset him.
- The night is often the hardest time for anyone who is going through a problem or needs encouragement. Try to make yourself available.
