If someone has a habit of following you, sending you offensive text messages or emails, leaving you scary messages on your answering machine or on the internet, you could be the victim of a stalker. Subjects of this type repeatedly ignore your requests not to look for you, and engage in unwanted, unprovoked, invasive, threatening behaviors; the only way to end the relationship with them is to immediately stop all contact.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Protect yourself
Step 1. Call the authorities right away if you feel like you are in danger
If you have received threats or if you do not feel safe, do not hesitate to take action. If you've witnessed any unequivocally wrongdoing, such as theft of your property, assaults, or trespassing, make a note of what happened and call the authorities. According to your age and situation, please contact:
- Police.
- Security personnel from the school or your workplace.
- Teachers or principals.
- Psychologists or therapists.
- Parents.
Step 2. Tell friends, family and colleagues about your situation and ask for their support
To achieve their goals, stalkers need secrecy and privacy. Let family, friends and neighbors know not to disclose your personal information, regardless of the credibility of the request and the identity of the person asking the question. Explain to everyone that they should be on the lookout for a person who may be loitering in your neighborhood or near your workplace.
Provide security officers and friends with the person's description and, if possible, the license plate of their car
Step 3. Avoid traveling alone if you have the opportunity
By having another person accompany you, a stalker will be discouraged from approaching you. Walk to your car with a colleague, go for a run with a group of people, and ask someone to accompany you when you need to run errands. In a group you will be safer.
Step 4. Keep a record of all incidents
Include letters, phone messages, e-mails, occasions when you were covertly observed, and any attempts by the stalker to contact you. Record the date of each episode and keep this information in a safe place. If possible, print copies and give them to a relative or friend you trust, or put them in a safety deposit box. This evidence will be very useful for police investigators.
- Keep all the evidence and make a copy. Keep originals and copies in separate places.
- It also saves all digital communications, such as emails and phone calls.
- Document everything. If you can take pictures, do it. No evidence is useless, however small it may seem to you.
Step 5. Protect your children from strangers
If you have children, make sure they are always accompanied to school and all their activities. Ask the school they attend not to divulge any information about them, and make a list for the institution of people who are allowed to take your children. Invite school staff to ask people on the list to provide photo identification to prove their identity. If you can't pick up your children, call the school to let the staff know who will be there at the exit.
Teach a "secret word" to your children. They will have to ask whoever will pick them up, and if the person does not know it, they will have to refuse to leave the school and ask for help immediately
Step 6. Protect your pets
Some stalkers will target your four-legged companions if they can't get to you. Do not leave them outside alone (even in a fence in your garden) and do not install doors for them on the entrances. Keep the number of shelters close at hand and take your animals there if you are unable to take care of them due to an emergency.
Step 7. Improve your home's security systems
Install safer locks, stronger doors, and a peephole. Make windows and doors burglar-proof with shatterproof glass or metal bars. Install security lights and an alarm. Set the interior lights to turn on according to a timer, so that the house always seems to be occupied by someone. A dog (or even a simple "Beware of the Dog" sign) can discourage any invaders.
- Ask the police to check your property regularly if you notice the stalker outside or see him driving by often.
- If you live in an apartment or condominium, ask the administrator what the building's security measures are and make sure the list of residents is not in the public domain.
Step 8. Consider bringing a self-defense tool, such as a taser or pepper spray, with you
Wear it properly and learn how to use it. Purchase a firearm only if you have a firearm license and are trained in its use. Remember that any weapons you own can be used against you during an assault. You should discuss this with law enforcement and a stalking psychologist.
Self-defense courses can teach you how to protect yourself without carrying guns with you
Step 9. Prepare an emergency plan that you can easily follow in the event of a break-in or attack
You have to think about what to do to protect yourself. Establish a safe place where all of your relatives can meet you in an emergency (the place should only be known to the most trusted relatives and friends). Prepare everything you will need (money, clothes, drugs, etc.) in the safe house, in an "escape kit"; write down the emergency numbers of the police, your lawyer and the people who can help the victims of stalking.
Be prepared to leave suddenly if necessary. Instead of living in fear, prepare an escape plan so that you can escape without having to think about what to take with you
Step 10. Discuss the possibility of a temporary restraining order or protection order with the police or a stalking psychologist
Remember that these provisions are issued to initiate and facilitate the legal process; they cannot physically protect you from a violent stalker. You must be responsible for your safety even if you are under the protection of these measures. Always carry two copies of the restraining order with you so that you can provide one to the police and the stalker cannot claim that he is unaware of the restraining order. A psychologist with experience in stalking cases or an attorney with experience in victim protection can help you decide what is best for you.
When discussing your options, bring any evidence and records of harassment you have suffered with you
Part 2 of 3: Talk to the Stalker
Step 1. Don't talk to the stalker unless absolutely necessary
You should never try to "remedy" the situation that has arisen. Avoid all contact. That said, particularly if the person harassing you is your ex or friend, some encounters will be inevitable. The following steps will help you in case you absolutely must talk to the stalker, but remember that your exchange should be short and straightforward.
Never try to reason with him and don't assume that you can solve the situation in words. Your only choice is to completely break off with him
Step 2. State your desire to distance yourself clearly and unconditionally
Explain that you are no longer interested in being his friend. Choose short, simple sentences, then end the phone conversation or walk away. Never add any conditions, such as "We can see each other, if …" and don't suggest that "In time, things will return to normal". Don't leave room for more harassment in the future.
- "I never want to see you again. Is that clear?"
- "You and I are no longer together. Now you have to go."
- "Our relationship is over".
Step 3. Clearly warn the stalker of the consequences of their behavior
Explain to him in a few words that he shouldn't contact you: "Don't look for me anymore." Don't engage in a long dialogue and don't listen to his apology. Let him know you'll call the police if he keeps calling you. Your goal is to let him know that his actions constitute harassment and to warn him that he will never have to try to talk or see you again. Make a note of when you first felt it, as well as any future incidents.
As much as I may pray, don't listen to "his side of the story". At this point, your relationship cannot be recovered
Step 4. Avoid any contact in the future
The stalker may deliberately try to provoke you with offensive comments. Any responses - even negative ones - will only make the abuser believe they have a chance. Be strong, keep going your own way and don't listen to voicemail messages. No matter how many low blows he may try, go ahead.
Don't try to fix things, get revenge, or express your point of view. You don't have to have any contact with him, positive or negative. Just say, "Please leave before I call the police."
Step 5. Avoid contact with relatives, friends and people who associate with the stalker
Unfortunately, these people may voluntarily or not provide them with information about you, such as your new address or phone number. Don't allow these people to act as an intermediary between you and the offender. You have to completely eliminate it from your life.
Part 3 of 3: Permanently Disconnecting Contacts
Step 1. Block your phone number and all your social media profiles
Visit his accounts on the sites you were in contact with and stop him from writing to you again. Make all your social media profiles visible only to your friends and not public. Find the stalker's number in your phone's address book and select "Block number". You don't have to reveal any information to him; preventing him from calling you is much easier than ignoring his phone calls.
- If he knows your passwords, especially your e-mail password, change them right away.
- While it can be annoying, changing your phone number and email forever is the best way to stop them from contacting you.
Step 2. Open a mailbox to protect your correspondence and important documents
Keep all copies of evidence documenting the harasser's stalker behavior. Also include your most important personal and financial information, your passport, your insurance, social security information, and any documents you may need in an emergency.
At a minimum, secure your mailbox with a padlock. Do not allow the stalker to access personal information contained in your correspondence
Step 3. Delete your number from the phone book
Contact your carrier and ask for your number and details about you to be made private. You can also search for your name on the internet and check what information is available. Avoid disclosing your movements on social media. Finally, use creative usernames on Skype, instant messengers, and other accounts you use to talk to other people.
Never use your name on the internet unless absolutely necessary. A name like Amantedellosport86 is much safer than something that refers to your true identity
Step 4. Leave the city for some time
If you feel like you are being watched when you are at home, move to another location, such as your parent's, relative, or friend's house. If you live far from your family and have not yet made solid friendships in the city where you moved, ask your university psychologist or local police for advice on possible alternatives or to ask for your property to be placed under surveillance.
If you need to move permanently, leave the city early in the morning and hire a moving service to move your furniture without attracting attention. Don't wait outside the house with the furniture in the truck
Step 5. Do not open envelopes that come from unknown senders
Don't open packages you didn't expect. Do not open anonymous mail. The same goes for emails and attachments.
Step 6. Don't reveal your personal information to strangers
Keep everything secret, from your home address to your e-mail address, to your phone number. It will be difficult, but you have to learn not to get any news to the stalker.
Step 7. Avoid the places you used to frequent
It will not be pleasant, but it is necessary. Leave your favorite jogging path, go to different restaurants and parks, avoid the places you visited most often. In time you can go back to them, but for the moment the stalker will look for you there.
Step 8. Learn to avoid social media stalking attempts
This will prevent the harasser from spying on you and understanding where you are and what you are doing. Make sure you set all information on your social media profiles private and do everything you can to restrict access to news about you.
Advice
- Don't hesitate to ask for police intervention; stalking is a crime. Research stalking laws and find out about your rights.
- Do not convince yourself that the stalker's behavior is normal, because you are afraid of being paranoid or because "he is just a freak on the internet". Stalking and harassment are not healthy and normal reactions to social or romantic rejection.
- Discuss your situation with a psychologist who is experienced in cases of stalking or domestic violence (the latter is especially important if the abuser is your ex). Evaluate all the choices available to you and find the best one for you.
- Take care of yourself, physically and emotionally. Eat well, exercise, get enough sleep, try to direct your energy towards your hobbies in order to reduce stress.
- Remember that the stalker is responsible for his actions, not you.
