You met an absolutely lovely guy, really, really great. But you are engaged or you don't care on a romantic level. The problem is that he wants the relationship to go far beyond friendship. This is a guide for the smart girl who just wants a friendship, without hurting anyone.
Steps
Step 1. Remember he is your friend
He'll just be a friend of yours: the key here is to "play the gnorri". When he starts talking about how good you would be together, he changes the subject with a laugh. Or when he tells you that he likes a "girl" who doesn't seem to understand him, you nod in understanding and say, "I know, it sucks", or, "It's really a bad thing, you deserve better." Then change the subject… quickly.
Step 2. Point out the value of your friendship:
talk to him about your boyfriend, complain to him about your problems, making it clear that you are perfectly comfortable with him because you don't feel any attraction. He will understand that you consider him a confidant and will not want to ruin everything by confessing his feelings to you in vain.
Step 3. Show him your downsides:
maybe you are a gossip, you hate children, you are messy or you say too many bad words. When guys fall in love or have a crush they put the girl on a pedestal. For him, you are perfect. You have to destroy this pedestal, and fast. This could involve embarrassing things like being seen without makeup (if you always wear makeup), or doing some inappropriate outing like "Can't wait to leave after high school / college / contract end and travel. I hate being caged! ". You basically do the opposite of what you would do or tell a guy you like
Step 4. Decline dinner invitations or anything that might resemble a date where it's just the two of you
Tell him that you are too busy, that you are not well or that you already have plans. If he's really pushy, you'll have to be cruel for his own good. Tell him you already have a date with a guy.
Step 5. Having a drink after school or work is fine, but don't do it too often
Regular outings to shop or go to a few games are fine, they are the things you usually do with friends.
Step 6. Set a good example:
be a good friend to him, but no more. If he's sad, angry, or hurt, you can console him. But avoid hugging him or making other gestures that are too intimate or emotional.
Step 7. If he started this disaster by declaring his feelings, be kind but firm
Use the classic "I'm sorry, but you're just a friend to me." Give him time to lick his wounds and then consistently follow steps 2 through 6. If he persists, then it's best not to see him for a while.
Advice
- Google "how to get out of the friend zone" and you will find tons of articles explaining how to frustrate all your hard work. Read a couple of them and learn to recognize the signs. For example, if he suddenly starts spending less time with you, cares more, comments on the appearance of other girls in front of you, makes excuses to touch you, and so on, he's trying to get out of the friend zone. Smile with detachment and let him do it. The trick is to repeat the basics - that to you he is just a friend and there is nothing that can change that. Sooner or later he will get the message and turn the page, perhaps finding a cute girlfriend with whom you can go out foursome!
- Remember, repeat, renew: Guys tend to forget things and need someone to remind them. Occasionally remind him that you are just friends. Say something like "You are a really good friend", or "I'm happy to have a friend like you!"
- Greet him as you would greet your other friends, maybe even act like a tomboy every now and then if you aren't already. He may like the tomboy girl, or he may not. It depends on him. Pay attention to what she finds attractive. If you do the opposite, it should work.
Warnings
- Be careful that your efforts are not interpreted as "being precious". This will spark her interest even more. The trick is to be more available than you would be to a guy you care about. One way to avoid this trap is step 3. You'd never let the guy you like see your downsides, would you? Not until you've hooked him, at least!
- If you have a boyfriend, don't tell him about your problems. He may delude himself into thinking that your story may end, and make him redouble his efforts to win you over.
- When you confide in him, don't get too personal. It could build a kind of trust that he could misinterpret.
- Know that at some point he will hate you and / or get angry and won't want you anymore in his life. Some guys take longer than others. But your rejection of him will always be a scar to his ego, and since that scar is the basis of your one-sided friendship could bring everything down.
