Sooner or later, most couples run into problems. If you and your partner are having difficulties in your relationship, you may want to consider going to couples therapy. It is a great idea for those who want to overcome the obstacles of life as a couple, learn to communicate in another way and identify the root from which problems arise.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Dealing with Problems
Step 1. Be honest with yourself and your partner
You need to go to couples therapy with sincerity and without preconceptions. The sessions involve the therapist asking a series of questions to understand how your relationship is going. Therefore, he will question you to know your story, to know why you have sought this kind of help and to find out what holds you together.
Try not to make a mystery of anything. Talk about any tension or problem so you know what challenges are facing
Step 2. Reflect on the most important problems
Since you have both chosen to go to couples therapy, you will surely know some problems that are compromising your relationship and, therefore, you will have no difficulty talking about them. However, there may be other obstacles that you are not fully aware of. Collaborate with the therapist to discover them all.
By doing so, you will be able to identify the main dynamics that feed your problems
Step 3. Improve your communication
As you address your problems, the therapist will help you understand the best way to communicate in order to overcome obstacles and move forward in the relationship. It will teach you to correct the way you speak to each other so that it is more fruitful and encouraging.
- In addition, it will help each of you to understand how you can improve your communication as a couple.
- For example, if you avoided confronting each other in the past, it will help you clarify your respective thoughts without repressing anything.
- If you used to criticize each other, it will teach you to communicate what you think in a more positive and reassuring language.
Step 4. Don't be afraid of silence
On a first date, it will probably take some time before you start talking to each other. The therapist will show you how you can engage in a more productive dialogue instead of suffering in silence. Silences can be filled with anger or sadness, depending on the difficulty you are trying to face.
Use the first few times to listen to your partner or start telling him honestly how you feel
Step 5. Be prepared for screams and fights
Once you start looking your problems in the face, old grudges will likely emerge. In these moments you could lose your temper, get nervous or hurt yourself. Be prepared to scream and argue with your partner. The therapist will act as a mediator and will allow you to understand how you can overcome differences and resentment.
It can be a cathartic experience because it gives you the opportunity to unleash everything you are feeling so that you can put it behind you
Part 2 of 3: Improving the Relationship
Step 1. Change your attitude
During the sessions the therapist will help you to abandon the old way of seeing your relationship, encouraging you to stop blaming yourself for your problems, to consider your respective points of view and to see the relationship more objectively.
- The therapist will observe how you interact in an attempt to find a solution that bridges the gap between you and your partner and allows you to be understanding with one another.
- For example, if you have communication problems, he will understand what you are missing in this respect and will explain how you can overcome your obstacles.
Step 2. Change your behavior
In many couples the problems can alter the behavioral dynamics of the partners and make the situation worse. The therapist will help you analyze your current relationship patterns and teach you how to modify them so that you can interact more productively and lovingly.
This way, you will stop provoking and hurting each other
Step 3. Learn to express your emotions
As you address your problems, the therapist will help you to honestly express how each one feels about each other. If you stop communicating emotionally with your partner, you will continue to have problems and drift further and further away.
- Additionally, the therapist will help you find out if any of you have unresolved issues that can emotionally distance you, such as fear of rejection, insecurity, or a reluctance to accept emotional bonds.
- It will help both of you to overcome these problems and to understand how you can grow in life as a couple.
- In this way, you will learn to build a stronger emotional intimacy, based on the manifestation of your respective frailties and on the sincere communication of what each of you thinks and feels.
Step 4. Discover the strengths of your union
As therapy progresses, you will have dealt with most of your problems. At this point, the therapist will begin to focus on the strengths of your relationship to make you understand how strong your bond is and how well you are able to tolerate yourself. In this way, you will be able to focus on the best aspects that distinguish you individually and on the pleasure of being together.
- Usually this change is auspicious, as the focus shifts away from the relationship issues.
- The therapist may have you reflect on each of your behaviors in order to encourage mutual compliments or the ways in which you support each other emotionally in the relationship.
Part 3 of 3: Preparing for Couples Therapy
Step 1. Determine if you need couples therapy
Anyone who is in a romantic relationship can seek the assistance of a couple therapist. Although some consult it even before marriage to have no doubts about the step they are about to take, it is normally useful for couples with relationship difficulties who need external help. Often, couples who go to couples therapy are trying to solve problems that can lead to separation or divorce, such as:
- Infidelity;
- Sexual dissatisfaction
- Communication problems;
- Power struggles;
- Deceptions;
- Anger;
- Problems related to the growth and education of children or the creation of extended families;
- Drug addiction;
- Economic problems.
Step 2. Accept that therapy is needed
One of the most important things to do before going to couples therapy is to accept the idea that you need help. You both have to do it. If the other person is unwilling to follow this path, you could continue on your own and benefit from the benefits of therapy on your own. However, you will have a harder time improving your relationship.
- Admitting that you need help does not mean having failed, but realizing that there is such a strong good that allows the couple to reflect on their relationship and understand that a little external support is needed to deal with the problems.
- You should also go out of your way to make the relationship work. If you are not prepared to save him, you will not be able to be fully involved in the sessions.
Step 3. Know what to expect from couples therapy
It is a form of psychotherapy that allows two partners to talk while focusing on their relationship. Therefore, by collaborating with the therapist, you can express your emotions, approach and deal with your relationship problems. In addition, you will have the opportunity to understand if you are able to overcome them and save everything that binds you.
- With the help of the therapist you will be able to discuss your problems. His intervention will guide you in the right direction to solve them.
- Although the sessions will mainly focus on the couple, you can also arrange some individual meetings if you prefer.
Step 4. Find a trained therapist
Once you have decided to use couples therapy, you need to find a professional who specializes in your area. Try asking your doctor for advice. To find a trained therapist, you can also contact your family or friends, evaluate the advice of the ASL psychologist or do some research on the Internet.
If you have health insurance, check if your insurance plan offers this service
Step 5. Find space between your schedule
Couples therapy sessions are usually held once a week and last about an hour, the time needed to bring out the difficulties and deal with them by speaking openly. The duration of the entire therapeutic process varies according to the specific needs of the couple and the severity of the problems.
- Often couples therapy does not last long, from a few sessions during which the less important problems are dealt with, to a few months, but continues only if both partners need help.
- If problems arise that need to be worked on individually, the therapist may suggest additional individual therapy sessions which will be scheduled on different days.
