Insensitivity can compromise the ability to interact with others and lead to social isolation and loneliness. Since it is difficult to judge oneself objectively, it is also not easy to understand to what extent one is insensitive. However, if you want to know, try to pay close attention to your emotional reactions and how others interact with you. Also, you should consider if you have any psychological disorders that may be affecting your empathic abilities.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Evaluating Your Behavior
Step 1. Ask yourself:
"Does this really matter to me?"
One of the main characteristics of insensitive people is a lack of empathy. Although the latter manifests itself to varying degrees and some individuals are just more sensitive than others, if you have difficulty in identifying with others, you may be cold or careless.
- There are two types of empathy: cognitive and emotional. The first is the ability to logically understand a person's point of view by adopting their perspective. It does not necessarily involve a strong emotional involvement, but at least it allows you to understand what others are going through. The second is the ability to capture people's emotions. For example, you feel sad if someone receives bad news.
- Consider whether both types of empathy belong to you. Do you try to understand the other person's point of view when he explains something to you? Do you strive to ask him questions, understand what he says, and listen? When a person is sad or frustrated, do you feel the same emotions? Can you easily grasp his state of mind? If a friend or colleague seems agitated, do you feel compelled to ask him what's wrong?
- Often insensitive people are not on the same wavelength as others and therefore are unable to grasp their needs and their emotions. Think about how often you try to understand the point of view of those in front of you. If you spend most of your time worrying only about yourself, you probably won't have a keen sensitivity.
Step 2. Evaluate people's reaction
People are not inclined to seek contact with those who are insensitive. You can tell if you have this tendency by observing how others tend to react towards you.
- When you are among the people, who is around you start talking to you? If you're usually the one to strike up a conversation, others may be reluctant to talk to you because of the way you behave. Do you notice that they get involved in the conversation or tend to make some excuse to leave?
- Do they tend to laugh at your jokes? People who are insensitive often joke the wrong way with others. If people don't laugh or just hint a few shy and embarrassed giggles, perhaps the idea that you are insensitive is not so absurd.
- Do others look for you in times of need? If you are insensitive, people may be hesitant to ask you for help and share their problems with you. For example, if you are always the last to know about what's happening to those around you (for example, a friend's divorce or a family member being fired), it could be because you always say the wrong things in these kinds of situations. This too is a sign of lack of sensitivity.
- Has anyone ever openly told you that you are numb? Although it may seem obvious, many people avoid criticizing so as not to hurt the susceptibility of others. However, if one or more people have pointed out such behavior to you, you are probably not particularly prone to emotional stimuli.
Step 3. Consider how you behave
Attitudes that denote insensitivity vary from one individual to another. However, when they are evident, they are generally considered to be the result of rudeness or superficiality. You may be a numb person if you have engaged in the following behaviors:
- Talking about a boring subject or that others don't understand, for example going into the details of your PhD if you know that your interlocutors have no knowledge on the subject.
- Offer advice at the most inopportune moments, for example by complaining loudly about obesity in front of a colleague who has weight problems.
- Bringing up topics that are inappropriate for a certain type of interlocutor, for example by telling about having used drugs in front of your partner's parents.
- Get annoyed if someone doesn't understand what you are explaining.
- Judging others for their mistakes or their situation without considering their past or personal problems.
- Being rude and demanding towards the staff who work in a restaurant.
- Being too critical or abrupt towards others. For example, if you don't like what a person is wearing, you might say, "It makes you fat" instead of refraining from commenting or offering more tactful advice, such as, "I think a different color would enhance your physicality better."
Part 2 of 3: Learn to Be Present to Yourself and Identify Others
Step 1. Practice sensing the emotions of others
It is not easy to identify the physical signals that indicate various emotions, but all human beings are endowed with this ability. As with any other skill, if you take the time to train yourself to interpret people's emotions, you will be able to improve.
- Observe people in a crowded place (at the mall, nightclub or park) and try to understand how they feel. Try analyzing context, expressions, and body language to figure out who is shy, stressed, excited, and so on.
- Decipher body language, facial expressions in particular, and how they correspond to different types of emotion. For example, sadness is manifested by drooping eyelids, corners of the mouth that lean down, and inner ends of the eyebrows raised.
- Watch a soap opera and try to identify the simulated emotions of the actors. Look at the context, facial expressions, and body language. Remove the audio from the TV so you don't get swayed by the dialogues. Once you've gotten some insight, choose a few more complex films where the actors express emotions less prominently.
Step 2. Learn to show how much you care about people
You will likely feel numb because you feel enormously uncomfortable showing what you are feeling. When you see an upset person, instead of addressing them with something that may seem unwanted or sincere, be silent. You will probably give the impression of forcing yourself when you offer condolences to a friend: "I'm sorry I heard this news." But keep in mind that it will become more natural if you insist and keep trying.
Step 3. Understand the need for emotions
Perhaps sadness will seem like a useless, irrational, self-centered feeling. You will wonder why people don't just think about their problems and figure out how to solve them. However, you need to consider that emotions are an essential part of the decision making process. They can push you to change your life, because discomfort and emotional distress often encourage you to get out of the daily grind.
- Emotions are essential for establishing bonds and interacting in a balanced way.
- Remember that emotions are part of the human being. Even if you don't understand them or think they're useless, keep in mind that most people don't think that way.
- Sometimes it is necessary to pretend. Maybe you don't understand why someone is agitated or happy, but playing the game for a while is perhaps the most sensitive attitude to adopt. On a personal level, you will probably not feel any joy at the idea that your colleague is about to become an aunt, but it does not cost you much to congratulate her and give her a smile.
Step 4. Become aware of your emotions
Your callousness could be due to various things: whether your feelings cause you discomfort or confusion, whether you have been used to hiding and repressing what you feel or that you only listen to your rational part. Whatever the reason, you risk detaching yourself from what you feel and, as a result, you may find it difficult to identify with others.
- If you repress your emotions or are prone to anxiety crises to deal with trauma, you should probably consult a psychologist to help you process your feelings.
- During the day he begins to ask yourself: "How do I feel right now?". By stopping to analyze yourself, you will begin to understand your feelings as they emerge.
- Identify all the tricks you put in place to avoid getting carried away by your emotions, such as distracting yourself in front of video games or watching television, concentrating only on work, drinking alcohol or using other substances, dissecting or playing down the situation too much.
- Give yourself the chance to feel your emotions. When you are in a place away from prying eyes, don't repress what you are feeling. Allow your emotions to emerge and observe how the body reacts. By noticing the physical changes (such as frowning eyebrows and pursed lips when you are angry) you will be able to recognize when an emotion is manifesting itself - both in yourself and in others.
Part 3 of 3: Consider the Psychological Causes
Step 1. Recognize the symptoms of narcissism
Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a psychological problem that leads people to overestimate their importance and lack empathy. It is quite rare and has a prevalence ranging from 0 to 6.2% in different social categories. Of those diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, 50-75% are men.
- Symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder include an exaggerated sense of self-importance, a need for approval or admiration, the need to exaggerate one's accomplishments or skills, envy of others or the belief that you are envied, and the expectation of being envied. special treatment from others. People suffering from this disorder tend to think of the world solely as a function of themselves and their needs.
- Criticism or obstacles can generate severe depressive episodes in those suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder. This is, in fact, the main reason that pushes them to ask for help. However, you don't have to wait to get to this stage before taking the first step. If you suspect any symptoms, consult a psychotherapist.
Step 2. Consider autism, in particular Asperger's syndrome
Autistic people often have a hard time grasping social cues and figuring out how to react. They tend to be direct and honest and, therefore, it can happen that they are insensitive to the eyes of others.
- You might be called insensitive when you have autism and care deeply about others and hate seeing them angry. The "insensitivity" of autistic people is mistaken more for stupidity, oppression and the inability to understand than for lack of concern and attention.
- Other symptoms of autism include the manifestation of strong emotions, self-stimulation (fidgeting in an unusual way), aversion to eye contact, indolence, total involvement in one's own interests, the need to follow a rigorous routine, and a certain motor awkwardness.
- Although autism is most often diagnosed in childhood, it is possible that the symptoms are neglected or go unnoticed with the risk that, in some cases, it will not be diagnosed until adolescence or adulthood. Talk to a therapist if you think you have autism symptoms.
Step 3. Learn about various personality disorders
Many personality disorders cause insensitivity to others. It is a group of mental pathologies that over time generate unstable behaviors and ways of thinking. Although almost everyone can determine a certain impenetrability in the face of affective and sentimental stimuli, the following are most often associated with a lack of empathy:
- Antisocial personality disorder: involves the inability to distinguish good from evil, hostility, aggression, violence, lack of lasting romantic relationships, a tendency to take unnecessary risks and a sense of superiority.
- Borderline Personality Disorder: involves difficulty managing emotions or thoughts, impulsive and careless behaviors, and the inability to maintain stable relationships over time.
- Schizoid and schizotypal personality disorders are characterized by lack of social relationships, delusional thoughts and severe social anxiety.
Step 4. Go to therapy if necessary
If you suspect that you have any of the aforementioned disorders, talk to a psychotherapist or psychiatrist. Although many online tests can tell you if you are showing symptoms of any ailment, only a professional will be able to diagnose it correctly. You can find a therapist by asking your doctor for advice. If you study at the university, you can find out if there is a psychological counseling service available at your university.
