In all relationships, no matter how strong they may be, problems and quarrels arise. Studies in communication between the sexes have found that men often have a hard time apologizing, even when they acknowledge that they were wrong. In most cases, an apology should be seen as a positive way to reopen a conversation after an argument. Apologizing shows your willingness to be vulnerable in your relationship with the other person. While you may have to bite your tongue in the beginning, a sincere and well-thought-out apology can make the difference between creating a deeper bond as a couple and arousing resentment that will last for a long time.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Prepare Psychologically
Step 1. Accept that apologies are a way forward
Regardless of why you need to be forgiven, remember that the goal is to make peace with your girlfriend and improve your relationship. After all, an apology is an emotional concession and can be very beneficial if it is formulated correctly and with sincerity.
Scientific studies have repeatedly shown that it is more difficult for men to apologize than for women. If you also think you have this problem, consider the act as a simple strategy (at least in principle), in order to overcome the obstacle
Step 2. Find time to relax
If you have to apologize to a girl, you are probably in pain too. If you find that you are not feeling well at the moment, prioritize yourself and wait to be healed. Depending on the severity of the situation, it can take minutes, hours or days.
Don't put off apologies too long. Remaining silent is interpreted as the will not to apologize; she will think that you are not sorry and that you do not want to have anything to do with her. Again, determining when too much time has passed depends on the severity of the situation and the strength of your relationship
Step 3. Try to understand why she is angry
Apologizing insincerely or without knowing why can make things worse. Acting in a hurry, your girlfriend would understand that you are not being sincere. Before you apologize, it's important to stop for a moment and think. Why is she angry? Are there other factors affecting his mood? How serious is the problem?
- Put yourself in his shoes for a moment. While you should consider how he feels, you should also imagine how he has interpreted your actions. If you have to apologize for something that happened, try reliving the moments in your head. As you reflect, you should have a clearer idea of the reasons that made her angry, regardless of who is to blame.
- Remember that showing empathy for the girl for the reasons she is angry is not the same as admitting your faults. Even if you don't think you've done anything wrong, it's important to understand the other person's point of view in a healthy relationship. Even if you believe her reasons for feeling angry are unwarranted or even irrational, it's important to recognize that her suffering is real.
Step 4. Apologize sincerely
If the problem in question is serious enough, the girl will study your speech to see if you are telling the truth. The best way to make sure your words are received as you wish is to make sure you really mean them. If you feel like you have to grit your teeth while apologizing, you might want to wait a little longer and think about the problem, or avoid talking altogether.
You may be very angry for the same reasons as the girl. This can make it much more difficult to open up to her. In that case, wait longer to relax and regain serenity
Method 2 of 3: Apologize verbally
Step 1. Wait for the right time
In the art of apologizing, timing is key. You should never do this while watching a movie, nor the night before a major exam. On the contrary, you should wait for the right moment and find an occasion where the girl is free and relaxed.
Again, remember not to wait too long. If you do, she might think you've decided not to apologize
Step 2. Approach her with a serious air
How you approach a girl when you want to apologize in person greatly affects the outcome of the conversation. Approach quietly and calmly. Don't be distracted by anything else; apologies should have your full attention. As you walk, be sure to look her in the eye. Don't smile too much and don't look too relaxed; try to make her understand with your body language that you recognize the gravity of the situation.
- It is easier to approach if you apologize over the text or over the phone, but you must consider that your words will be much more effective if you say them for the first time in person.
- If you don't have the opportunity to meet her easily, ask her to see you. Give her a simple, direct invitation that lets her know that you want to meet her so she can apologize. If she is still too angry at the moment, let some time pass; at best, it will pass her and give you a chance to speak.
Step 3. Tell her you're sorry
Before moving on to any other topic, you should immediately let her know that you are sorry. If you try to explain how you feel before she realizes you are apologizing, she may consider your words as an invitation to fight. Once you get close to her, don't hesitate to express your displeasure. Explanations can wait. Being direct may seem easy on paper, but when emotions are strong, it is difficult to follow the right path. Don't get too excited; if necessary, remember that this is a vital step in recovering your relationship.
Excuses don't have to be complicated; in fact, it is better to speak very simply. You don't need to be a poet or a calculator, just say "I'm sorry". The more you complicate things, the more likely your apology is to be misinterpreted
Step 4. Express your empathy
A simple sorry counts for a lot, but it's not enough for more serious situations. After opening the conversation this way, it's time to explain in detail why you are sorry and that you understand how he feels. If the conversation develops in a balanced way and the blame is not being placed solely on you, you can take this opportunity to express your feelings as part of the healing process, but only once your apology has been accepted.
For example, you can say something like this: "I'm really sorry for what I did. I behaved very selfishly and seeing you suffer made me realize how wrong I was. I know I can't go back, but I want you to know. that if I could I would do it all again and that I will never make the same mistake again in the future"
Step 5. Give her a chance to respond
Small disagreements don't usually require long conversations, but if the problem is more serious, your apology probably needs an answer. Once you have your cards revealed, it will be his turn to reveal his feelings. Look into her eyes, stay calm and try to understand everything she tells you. Even if what you hear makes you angry, try to show empathy towards him; he probably still feels anger at what happened and this can affect his behavior towards you in a negative way.
Step 6. Embrace her
Often, the best way to accompany a verbal apology is physical contact. Regardless of the type of relationship you had, a hug is almost always appropriate. Hugging a girl at the end of your apology allows you to physically show her how you feel, and the fact that she has accepted your gesture can give both of you a sense of closure.
Step 7. Make sure you avoid future accidents
Apologies are nothing more than words if they are not really sincere. If you're apologizing for something you did, make sure it doesn't happen again. Taking steps to correct a problem has two benefits: first, it has the practical effect of reducing the likelihood of the situation happening again, and second, the girl will see you follow up with your words. If you make a habit of not taking your apology seriously and making the same mistakes over and over again, it will be much more difficult for your words to be accepted in the future.
For example, if you're apologizing for being late all the time, set your alarm ten minutes earlier than usual. This way you will have more time to prepare. Tell the girl what you are doing to correct the problem so that she understands that you are sincere
Method 3 of 3: Apologize Not Spokenly
Step 1. Write an apology letter
Written excuses are the best of the non-verbal ones. The length and tone of your message largely depends on the severity of the situation and the reasons why you are writing. For example, forgetting a birthday is a very different offense to abuse or infidelity. However, the important thing is to write from the heart. Don't consider the rules of formal writing; use words that describe your feelings and express the fact that you are sorry in the first few sentences.
- If you were in a romantic relationship with the girl, add a heart to the end of the letter to indicate your affection.
- In this case, it is important to write by hand. An apology letter is worth nothing unless it is accompanied by a personal touch and a demonstration of vulnerability. It is much easier to hide your emotions in front of a computer. However, for a minor problem, an e-mail or message may suffice.
Step 2. Get forgiven with positive action
If you've done something that hurt the girl's feelings, a good way to make up for your past mistakes is to find ways to make her feel good. There are many ways to get forgiven and they depend on the relationship you had. If you can think of something that interests her, you probably already have some potential situation in mind to put things right. If you can't pinpoint anything specific, many women like to have back massages or hand-made dinners. No grand gestures are needed, something simple is enough to express your feelings.
Step 3. Make a donation in her name
This is a more formal way of apologizing to a woman. While this is probably only suitable advice for situations that are not too serious, your apology will carry a lot more weight when accompanied by an outlay of money. Of course, giving someone money could be interpreted as bribery, while donating to charity will demonstrate your good intentions, leaving no room for malice.
Donations, however small, should be accompanied by an explanation explaining why you are making them. Let the girl know that you are donating your money to turn an apology into something good for the world, starting with your fight. Charity improves the lives of less fortunate people and it is almost impossible not to like it
Advice
- In the end, when you say sorry, the two most important words are "I'm sorry". In most cases, they are sufficient, as long as they are sincere.
- Although this article is divided into a verbal and a non-verbal section, often the most heartfelt and effective apologies combine both media. Especially in romantic relationships, words are not considered sincere if actions are not followed and vice versa.
- If you've cheated on a girl, it won't be easy for her to accept your apology, so make sure everything is perfect, the way she wants it, before sincerely apologizing. Put yourself in her shoes and try to understand the suffering YOU have caused her.
