Apologizing to a friend can be even more difficult than knowing that you have misbehaved. To truly apologize, you need to be honest, admit your mistakes, and let the person know how much they matter to you. Easier said than done, but if you let go of your pride and follow these tips, you'll be ready to make peace with your friends in no time.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Laying the Foundation
Step 1. Do it in person if you can
Unless you live in different cities, it is best to apologize in person. While doing something like sending flowers or postcards or a little gift can help, these things are a "substitute" for dialogue, and if you don't confront each other you will look cowardly. If you want your apology to sound sincere and for the friend to see that you really think what you say, there are no flowers or gifts to hold.
If your friend is really far away, obviously you won't be able to reach her to apologize
Step 2. Choose the right time to do it
You will need to evaluate your situation to understand when to apologize. Didn't you go to her party despite promising you would or is it something worse like dating her boyfriend? If it's a minor thing, then you can act fast and apologize as soon as you have a free moment together. If she needs time to digest it, give it to her even though it can take weeks or months.
- You should know your best friend better than others. Is he a person who needs time to cool off, or does he forgive easily?
- If you know that she is in a period of high stress or that she is dealing with something personal, then you will need to hold back even if you are dying to apologize.
Step 3. Think about what you will say
You don't have to write it all down, unless you are really extremely nervous, but have a general idea of the words you will use to not forget important parts - or worse say wrong things that you will completely regret because you have forgotten the logistics. An apology should come from the heart, of course, but having a plan never hurts. Here are some things to include that will be covered more fully later:
- Full responsibility for what you did.
- An apology for how you made her feel.
- Demonstration of gratitude towards his friendship.
- Plans to change and do something good in the future.
Step 4. Make the first move when it's time to make it
When you know it's time to apologize, don't mess around and wait for her to approach you. If your friend comes forward about it, then you run the risk of sounding like a coward or a bad friend, so strike the iron while it's hot (but only if she's calmed down). Make excuses a priority and promise yourself that you will do it as soon as possible if you want her to truly accept them.
Part 2 of 3: Apologize
Step 1. Accept full responsibility
If you really want to apologize, then you have to take total responsibility for what you did. If you don't think you really owe her an apology, are angry at her about something else, or think she is overreacting, then forget it. There is nothing worse than an insincere apology, and if you think there is something else you need to discuss, then tell them about it. But if you are ready to take responsibility, then recognize that what you have done is wrong.
- Say something like: "I know I disappointed you for not coming to your birthday party. I knew how much you cared."
- You can also say, "I'm sorry I kissed the guy you liked last week. I don't know what I was thinking, and I really want to kick myself. Your friendship is worth more than that idiot."
- Avoid excuses at all costs. Don't say: "I'm sorry I didn't come but…". Sorry for your mistake is worse than not being sorry.
Step 2. Tell her you're sorry
Already. Is the most important thing. Swallow it down and say it. "I'm sorry for what I did." Or "I'm really sorry about…". Make it clear that you are sorry for what you "did" to hurt her. This part may be the hardest, so take a deep breath, keep your eyes on hers, touch her to reassure her, and say your repentance.
- Don't say phrases like: "I'm sorry if I hurt you …" or "I'm sorry if you worried so …". It would sound like a rebuke to him and like something insincere on your part.
- You can show your emotions, but not too much to play the victim with your friend who would end up feeling sorry for "you".
Step 3. Apologize for how you made her feel
Once you accept responsibility for your actions and say you are sorry, you need to acknowledge that you have hurt her and show her that you understand. This way she will understand that you are making the effort and that you feel really bad about what happened.
- Say something like, "I can't think how disappointed you must have been when you didn't see me. You've been preparing your party for so long."
- Or: "I know I hurt you kissing Marco. You had a crush on him for a long time, I must have really broken your heart."
Step 4. Show how important his friendship is to you
Show her that it is more than anything else in the world and that you want to redefine your priorities for the future. She should understand that in the end what you did was nothing to hold on to.
- Tell her, "I missed your birthday party because my cousin begged me to help her study. I shouldn't have. I gave you my word and I should have told her to wait."
- Or: "They can't believe they've done it. Marco means nothing to me and you are everything. Our friendship is more important than that."
Step 5. Promise her that you will change
After speaking, you still have to prove to her in fact that you are sorry and that you will not fall back into the same mistakes. Your friend must see that you were sincere. If you keep hurting her every time, she will end up never trusting you again.
- Try: "I won't let you down. And I won't dump you. When I say I'll be there, I'll be there."
- Tell her, "I'm not going to flirt with someone you like anymore. I know how important it is to you and I don't want to interfere with your love life."
Step 6. Suggest something nice to do together
Once you have promised to change, you can add an extra to show her that you want to continue with your friendship and that you want to make her feel good. Think about what she would really like and propose it to her. Of course only if she seems ready to forgive you.
- "Maybe we could go and have a nice ice cream? I'll offer".
- "I promised I would teach you to paint, right? How about Sunday? I'll be waiting for you in my studio."
Step 7. Ask for his forgiveness
After you have said everything you have to, ask her if she will forgive you. Hopefully, your friend values your friendship equally and is therefore ready to do so. In that case, you can hug each other and be relieved that this is over. And if she needs a little more time, at least you can tell yourself that you tried.
You can also ask her, "Will you find the heart to forgive me?" If you've done it really hard
Part 3 of 3: Apologizing in Other Ways
Step 1. Write an apology letter
When you do that, you have to have a really sorry tone. Show your friend how contrite you are through words, but remember that even if you do, you will still have to deal with her in person. It can be a nice gesture if you don't live close or if you are unable to explain your thoughts differently.
You can email apologizing if it helps you show your feelings
Step 2. Send some flowers
It's a bit of a theatrical peace offering, but it helps make her feel better by showing that you made an effort. Include a note saying you're sorry so she feels special. Not all of them will be imprinted and may see it as an attempt to hide something.
Step 3. Apologize on the phone
If you live far away, the best way is to apologize on the phone. Call her, be honest and do the same things you would do in person: accept responsibility, apologize, promise not to do it again and ask for forgiveness… It can be difficult because it is a challenge to understand how she will feel.
Step 4. Avoid apologizing on social networks or via SMS
If you really mind, sending her a Facebook message or text message won't work. They are impersonal ways and don't show much effort on your part. Obviously it's harder to call or talk to her face to face, but that way she'll understand how much you really care.
Advice
- Write a list for yourself of what you did wrong.
- Show the emotions, they are the ones that tell the person in front of you how you feel.
- Try to give her a gift.
- Remind her what you did together.
- Write her a short note to describe how you feel.
- Don't talk to her often. Time can sometimes heal wounds, and you'll have to feel the urge to be friends again.
Warnings
- Don't assume that you will find a deal anyway. It may take some time.
- Words and peace offerings are cheap. Who is offended, the first time is burned and the second prudent, so it will not be easy to convince him. Show that you want to change with actions rather than words. You will gain his trust again.
