If you ever feel the need to have a fart, but you are in public, read this article. It might help you when one of those moments comes.
Steps
Method 1 of 12: In the classroom
Step 1. Get up and go sharpen the pencil
While sharpening the pencil loudly, try to fart as quietly as possible. As soon as you're done, walk away or the stench from the fart will stick to your clothes, but also make sure it doesn't follow you.
Step 2. Always try to sit on soft surfaces
Not on a wooden chair, but on a small armchair. This will greatly reduce the risk of a loud fart. If you can't get yourself such a chair, sit on the sweatshirt or jacket.
Step 3. Shift your weight to one of your buttocks and lean in the same direction (for example, shift your weight to your right buttock and lean to the right)
This opens up your buttocks and this makes your fart quieter. You can drop a pencil on the floor and bend over to pick it up, so it won't seem strange that you bend over to one side. WARNING: the stench will go in the opposite direction to which you are leaning, so try to shoot your gases towards a clear area.
Step 4. Ask to be allowed to go to the bathroom
The teacher could say yes, and you can do it there!
Step 5. Drop a textbook or other heavy object that makes a noise
Expel the fart as soon as the object comes into contact with the ground: in this way it will overpower any other noise (attention: make sure you fart at the right time). If you fart too early, someone may still hear the noise. If you fart after the book has fallen, its noise will draw people's attention to you and your fart will be noticed by more people.
Step 6. Get a noise canceling device and place it between the opening of the buttocks and the back of the trousers
Make sure it has a noise detector, so that it can be activated if necessary. It should be able to effectively cover any fart sounds. Note: It may not be able to cover the stench, so be careful. Try it several times at home before using it at school, in case something goes wrong.
Method 2 of 12: While Out and About
Step 1. Pretend you have to leave for a minute, and fart in a place where there is no one
If your friends are free-spirited, you can fart in front of them without any problems.
Method 3 of 12: While You Are Doing a Class Assignment
Step 1. Try to fart gradually and quietly
An alternative strategy is to fart loudly and be proud of it - your classmates will appreciate the distraction
Method 4 of 12: On the roller coaster
Step 1. Wait for the descent, when everyone screams
In that confusion you can drop a nice powerful one. Nobody will smell the stench, as you move so fast.
Method 5 of 12: In the Elevator
Step 1. Consider the timing well
It is very important in this situation.
Step 2. Make sure you only emit small bursts when the elevator reaches the floor and you hear the "beep"
You could also use the door opening and closing time interval, depending on the type of lift and how noisy this function is.
Step 3. Make sure you show subtle signs of disgust as if the people who just entered were emitting that terrible smell
This is only true if you can smell your farts, however.
Step 4. If any other technique fails, exit the elevator and take the stairs
Method 6 of 12: While Shopping
Step 1. Go to an empty ward and release the fart, then walk away as fast as possible
Step 2. If you are close to other people, lean forward as if you are taking a product from a low shelf, unhook it, and blame the person closest to you
Method 7 of 12: On a Vehicle
Step 1. If you can't resist and are sitting in a moving vehicle, try opening the window before farting
This way the stench will quickly come out of the window and no one will notice the fart.
Method 8 of 12: While You Eat
Step 1. While at the table you make everyone burst out laughing, or wait until everyone starts laughing and unhook one without them noticing
Method 9 of 12: In the pool
Step 1. If you have to fart in the pool, get out of the water and go to the bathroom or locker room
Step 2. If you decide to fart in the pool, splash the water to cover the bubbles
Step 3. Go to the bottom of the pool (or near the bottom) and do it, then swim away as fast as you can, before the bubbles reach the surface
Step 4. Quickly enter the whirlpool
There you can fart anonymously, given the amount of bubbles already present.
Step 5. Jump into the pool, and as soon as you're in the water, fart
All the bubbles that surround you will cover those of the fart. Furthermore, no one can smell the stench of farting underwater!
Method 10 of 12: In the Library
Step 1. Go to a department in the library that is not occupied by anyone
If you succeed you will go unnoticed.
Step 2. If there are people everywhere, try to gradually release the fart as you walk
Step 3. Go to the librarian's desk and let go
If it is heard, it points the finger at the librarian. They will be thrilled, and that could save them from a terrible embarrassment.
Step 4. Shut yourself in the bathroom so you can release all your gases
Method 11 of 12: During Physical Education
Step 1. Wait until everyone has started running, then fart
Gradually release farting as you run. If the fart is noisy, pretend you weren't the one who farted.
Step 2. During a sporting activity, run in an area where there is no one and fart
Pray it will be silent.
Method 12 of 12: During a Sleepover
Step 1. While speaking, raise your voice to emphasize part of the discussion
While making noise with your voice, expel your gases. If it stinks, hurry up and ask "Who farted?".
Step 2. Wait until everyone laughs, and unhook it
Either it will go unnoticed, or it will cause even more hilarity!
Step 3. If you can fart with your armpits, walk away from the group by saying “I need to fart”, as if you were about to do something amazing
Don't turn away. Stay in sight and fart with your armpit (but without making a noise) and fart at the same time. If it's a silent fart, pretend you couldn't, saying, "Damn, it didn't work." If it seems too realistic, laugh and say: "I bet you can't make one as good as this." You might even start an axillary farting contest!
Step 4. You can make a joke with a fart
When you feel the need to do it, hold it back. Go to one of the people who are with you during the sleepover (choose wisely which one) and look at her with a sad or stressed expression. Stop, point your finger at this person and say, in the most pitiful voice you can: "Please, pull my finger", or whatever sounds equally convincing. The victim, suspicious and reluctant, decides to pull your finger while looking you in the eye. At that exact moment, let go of your fart. Your victim will be so stunned that they might even jump and scream. Everyone will double up with laughter, and even the poor victim will laugh.
Step 5. While in bed, try farting silently without being heard
If your host has a dog, make sure it's close to you. You can blame the poor beast. If that person doesn't have a dog, try holding them until everyone is asleep or go to the bathroom for a moment.
Advice
- People can be rude and teasing you, but everyone fartes!
- Take it easy. Tensing up only increases the noise of the farts. Take a deep breath and wait for it. You will know when the time is right.
- If you fart while sitting, make sure you are resting on the back of the chair. If you are bent forward, your fart will make a lot of noise, audible to anyone in that area. This could make you immediately identifiable.
- Another tip is to try to make a lot of noise and fart when you need it.
- Always make sure that when you release them you do it in a prolonged and silent way.
- If you're in the middle of a group of people who are talking loudly and don't seem to be paying attention, feel free to fart, but make sure you get out of that area right away, or others may start to suspect something.
- Sometimes, if you hold it and delay it, the fart gets quieter.
- If the buttocks are strongly pressed on a hard surface, a vibration could occur which causes a pleasant sensation for the person who emits the fart, but not so pleasant for the one who hears the noise.
- Shoot it! If you have to drop one, and you can't tell if it's going to be loud, or you can't control the situation and you can't go anywhere, shoot your fart loudly, and laugh as you do it. Others will laugh with you, not at you.
Warnings
- The worst kind of fart is one that springs too quickly in a chair. It will be LOUD and disgusting, and people will laugh at YOU. Always make sure you fart as quietly as possible.
- Never force a fart if you are sitting in your seat in the classroom, otherwise the noise will resonate in the chair and it will sound like a drum roll, so everyone will hear it.
- Sooner or later you will have to fart and you will not be able to control it. Just hope it's silent.
- If you are going to fart, and you KNOW you want to blame someone, don't blame your pets, others will be disgusted.
