Before you can get people to do something for you, you need to convince them that doing it will be beneficial to them as well. You can achieve this both by giving them back what they want, and by creating the right conditions for them to be mentally inclined to indulge you.
Steps
Part 1 of 2: Give People What They Want
Step 1. Understanding Psychology
Giving people what they want and need will make them more willing to listen to your requests.
- This does not mean that people should feel indebted to you. Doing someone a big favor might make them feel indebted to you, but the interaction ends the moment the favor is returned.
- Rather, it is necessary to demonstrate an ongoing commitment to accommodate the other person's needs without making them feel obligated to return the favor. When others perceive you as a generous person, they may have a better opinion of you, and consequently feel more willing to do something for you.
Step 2. Listen
Most people have less difficulty speaking than listening, but when they speak they want to believe they are being heard. By listening to the needs and wants of others, you will be able to make them feel your support.
- Opening up to a person's problems and needs can initiate the emotional healing process. If you let someone tell you what's on their mind, you're already doing them a favor and getting into that person's good graces.
- Also, listening to the other person will make it easier for you to react to their needs and requirements in the future. When a person communicates a need to you, you will immediately know how to satisfy it. However, be careful as people often confuse their own needs and necessities. For example, someone may think they need your sympathy (in the sense of “sharing the suffering”), when in reality what they really need is your empathy (ie your understanding).
Step 3. Create a link between your request and its need
If you can convince someone that they will also meet their own need in fulfilling your request, that person may become more eager to help you.
- Bribing a person for a favor can only help in part, as there is no link between his and your desire. Without that direct connection, that person won't be emotionally involved in your request.
- Creating a direct link between the two desires generates the other person's emotional involvement with your request. For example, you can offer to cook someone's favorite dish if that person agrees to go grocery shopping. The other person gets what they want (their favorite dish) thanks to their direct participation in the project (the purchase of ingredients).
Step 4. Choose the right place
Generally, people are less likely to do something when they feel uncomfortable. Making sure that the environment is as comfortable as possible can make people feel comfortable and encourage them to be uncomfortable enough to accommodate your request.
- When you ask someone a favor, do it in an environment that is familiar and comfortable for that person.
- It might even help you get closer to that person within their territory. Normally, people feel like they have an advantage when they are in their home or office. If you can take courage and ask a person something when they feel strong from their surroundings, that person will feel less hostile towards your request.
Step 5. Create a sense of belonging
Humans are social creatures, so most people want to be a part of something and feel socially accepted.
- If you can convince people that they will earn a place in a group by doing something, they may be more willing to do so.
- Consider joining a business with someone so you can bond socially with that person. Likewise, you can encourage this person to trust you by showing that first and foremost you are the one who has faith in them.
- When you ask for something, do it using nouns ("be an advocate") rather than verbs ("help me now"). Nouns suggest, on an unconscious level, the idea of a group identity.
Step 6. Issue a challenge
Almost all of us have the instinct to improve and become masters of our environment. Reasonable challenges encourage people to pursue this instinct.
- Come up with a suitable challenge for your request. The challenge must be something that can actually be accomplished but that is not too easy.
- Let people have control over the pursuit of the purpose of that challenge. As they chase it, give them feedback from time to time to keep their motivation alive. This feedback should contain both praise and objective criticism.
Step 7. Reward people
People respond well to constant rewards, so building a reward system within your request could make it more palatable.
- Depending on the size of the favor, the reward could also be a simple meaningful compliment.
- For larger tasks, make the person aware of the reward that awaits them upon completing the task. Generally, when people know they will be rewarded they can work harder.
Part 2 of 2: Getting People to Help You
Step 1. Understand how the Benjamin Franklin effect works
According to the Benjamin Franklin Effect Principle (named after its alleged inventor), a person who has done you a favor once is more likely to do it again in the future.
This principle works within the subconscious thought processes in the human mind. Once someone is done a favor, the human brain tends to perceive that person as a pleasant individual. The more positive you feel about a person, the greater your inclination will be to act for them
Step 2. Encourage people to make an investment
The real investment can be material or immaterial, but either way you need to convince the other person to make a small investment before you can convince them to make a larger investment.
- Once a person has invested in you for once, that same person will start worrying about you. The more he cares about you, the greater his will to invest again for you in the future.
- Try to generate this investment sense by asking for a small favor first. Ask for something to borrow or for advice on something the other person has an interest in.
Step 3. Establish behavior patterns
It's hard to change habits, so a person who has a habit of doing things for you is more likely to keep doing it than someone who hasn't developed this type of habit.
- Start the process as soon as possible to maximize its effect. Shortly after you meet someone you know you're going to have to ask for a big favor, start by asking them for small favors.
- However, there is a limit to all of this. If you continually ask for favors without showing gratitude, or if you become unpleasant, people will likely break their ties with you altogether.
Step 4. Approach people with a positive attitude
Usually, people respond to positivity with greater positivity. By approaching a person with a positive attitude while asking them something, you can push that person to be positive in the same way.
- Instead of going straight to the request, take the time to prepare that person for a positive mood. Greet her with a smile, make her laugh, or talk to her about things that make her happy.
- Once that person is in a positive frame of mind, make your request.
Step 5. Change the story
People tend to see their life as a story and want some coherence within this story.
- If you understand the story people tell you, you can more easily convince them to change a small part of it to your advantage.
- Sharing stories can influence change. If a person hears another person speak well of an aspect of their story, they are more likely to decide to readjust their own to include that aspect. For example, a person who has always lived a quiet life might go on a long journey after hearing someone else talk about the importance of the journey in self-discovery.
Step 6. Follow your gut
Each of us is guided by a primary instinct, even if we are not always aware of it. A better understanding of instinct will help you use it to your advantage.
Fear is an instinct on which people tend to act. It is not just the fear of danger, because the fear of losing something can also push people to take action. If you can make sure - simply by withdrawing your request - that a person is afraid that they might miss a chance, you can encourage that person to take your request into greater consideration
Step 7. Simplify acceptance
The human brain draws many conclusions without thinking too much, so if you can fool the mind into believing that a certain thing is beneficial, that idea will most likely never be challenged again.
- Avoid surprises. People ask fewer questions when things move as expected.
- People tend to respond negatively to information they don't share, but if you first show that you agree with them about something, they will be more willing to listen to you in the future even when you disagree.
