Dealing with a long-distance relationship could be very difficult, especially if you are used to being with your partner almost always and suddenly you are forced to separate for long periods of time. It may not be the ideal situation, but with the right mental attitude and good organization, long-distance relationships can work as well as those experienced closely.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Dealing with the Practical Aspects
Step 1. Confront your partner openly
All relationships, whether at a distance or not, benefit from an open dialogue. Before starting the long-distance relationship, you and your partner should understand exactly what to do to make your relationship work.
- What are your hopes and expectations regarding your relationship? What are your fears?
- How often will you hear it? Would you like to communicate with him every day, in one way or another?
- How often will you meet? What is really feasible, based on your budget and your commitments (work or school)?
- Will you hang out with other people while you are away or will you be faithful to them? How will you satisfy your physical needs and desires?
Step 2. Make sure you both trust the relationship
You can do this by talking about your relationship, but also through daily gestures. A perfect way to achieve this is to keep your partner up to date on your daily life, also communicating your possible acquaintances.
- This way he will feel more involved in your world and in your life. This will help him understand that he plays an important role in your existence.
- Don't neglect your partner's feelings when making choices. For example, staying up late at night with a nice guy or with your ex when your partner is on the other side of the world could also annoy a self-confident person.
Step 3. Find out what you really want
You probably hope that eventually you and your partner will be able to move in together. Clarifying the final goal will help you to engage more in the relationship.
- Talking about the ultimate goal of your relationship will also help you understand if you are on the same wavelength. Perhaps you are hoping to get married within a few years, if all goes well.
- If both of you are looking for a remote adventure, that's great. It is only important that you know, otherwise you will end up with one of the two suffering from the separation, while your partner is having fun with anyone, and that would not be fair.
Step 4. Make plans
Even if your plans fail, talk about your future. What would you like to visit with your partner and what would you like to do when you visit them?
- Talking about the future can cancel the distance and make you more optimistic about the relationship.
- Planning a trip together can be a lot of fun. Create and share a Google doc or Pinterest page detailing what you'd like to do on your vacation. You could even prepare an itinerary together.
Step 5. Establish your communication channels
People in long-distance relationships aren't limited to just email and expensive phone calls. Here are some apps that would allow you to stay in touch more easily and avoid excessive spending:
- WhatsApp, Viber and Skype allow you to send messages and files and make phone calls from anywhere in the world, provided you have an internet connection.
- Couple, Avocado and Kahnoodle also allow you to chat and send photos and videos, but they stand out from other apps because they are specially designed for those in a two-person relationship. Couple allows special sharing such as the ThumbKiss, i.e. the ability to see where your partner is touching the screen to touch him in exactly the same spot, Avocado allows you to send virtual hugs and kisses, while Kahnoodle offers the possibility to earn badges and points when you can to make your partner happy.
- Heyday is an application that is proposed as a personal diary, in which to mark places and memories day after day. You can take pictures and add captions and even keep track of your movements throughout the day and then share it with your partner, so that they feel closer to you.
Step 6. Try to feel yourself every day
The situation may vary depending on the relationship, but this advice applies to all couples: at the very least, always wish each other good morning and good night.
You do not necessarily have to dwell on long chats, a simple "Good morning darling" or "Night" is enough. It is important to set aside time each day to be virtually close, even if for a short time
Step 7. Don't overdo it
Some research has shown that spending too much time together online or on the phone during a long-distance relationship could jeopardize the relationship. Don't forget this when setting out your expectations.
Step 8. Make sure you have a good support network
Talk to people you are particularly attached to, such as your friends and family. Share your situation and tell them your emotions about it.
- Having a good support network will help keep you from giving up when you feel sad and lonely or miss your partner. You can also externalize your insecurities to your best friend or family member when you are feeling down.
- It's okay to expose your doubts to your partner as well, but try to avoid it, unless they've done something that might make you insecure. This will help to play things down and make you more optimistic when confronting your partner. This is important as you have little time to be together.
Step 9. Sign up for a distance relationship discussion forum
As much as your friends and family can help you, they may not fully understand your situation. There are many online forums you could join.
Forum-goers talk about their problems and their fears and satisfactions. They also share tips and tricks to spice up the relationship
Part 2 of 3: Assuming the Right Attitude
Step 1. Don't lose your mind
Long-distance relationships may not be the best, but some research has shown they can be as successful as close relationships. Here are some basic requirements to live a long-distance relationship peacefully:
- People who experience them take a positive attitude towards long-distance relationships and do not feel that they are doomed to fail simply because of separation.
- They are not obsessed with fears and focus on the positives.
- They have a greater sense of trust in their relationships.
- Greater distances seem to produce even greater satisfaction.
- Each partner idealizes their mate in some respects.
Step 2. Accept your new relationship
Whether your partner has to move for work or you are in a relationship with someone you know online, you need to realize that you are physically away at the moment. Give yourself time to reflect on this point.
The most difficult aspect to deal with is that you will not be able to see or touch your partner whenever you wish. It might be painful, but you have to accept it or else you would be miserable all the time, making the relationship hell
Step 3. Appreciate what you have
If you love your partner, be thankful for the simple fact that they chose you, even if they are not physically present right now.
- Look for things to be grateful for, rather than focusing on the negative ones (i.e. distance). For example, you may be engaging in a more constructive dialogue and getting to know each other better.
- By focusing on the positives of your partner and your relationship, you will love him more and have more confidence in the relationship. Doing so will make them more likely to stay together, despite the distance.
Step 4. Be optimistic
Of course, it's sad not to see each other, but if you continue to mull over their distance, it will be difficult for you to appreciate the positive aspects of your relationship.
- Being optimistic means not boring your partner when you talk to him; for example, you could just tell him what happened during the day.
- It's okay to communicate your concerns to your partner. You should think positive, but you don't have to pretend that everything is perfect when it isn't. If he acts in a way that hurts your feelings, it is important that you tell him openly so that both of you can find a solution to prevent this from happening again in the future.
- Try to be positive about yourself as well. Studies have shown that people feel happier and more fulfilled in a relationship if their partner is not insecure about themselves. Don't be uncommunicative, but pay attention to the topics you address. Don't call yourself stupid or fat, for example.
Step 5. Be objective
While it is important to be optimistic, it is also important to be realistic. Being aware of what's feasible or not in the relationship will contribute to its long-term success.
- To give an example, if you know that you cannot afford to see each other more than twice a year, be honest about it, otherwise problems could arise as the relationship progresses.
- Being realistic also means accepting that there will be times when you will miss your partner or you will not be able to communicate with him when you really need to, and this will help you feel stronger in such situations. It is precisely in these moments that a valid support network could be useful to you.
Step 6. Learn to recognize your attachment style
This can help you to distinguish reality from imagination when you feel insecure about the relationship, or to understand if your doubts are the result of your imagination or if your partner is really behaving in such a way as to arouse your suspicions.
- Studies on "adult attachment style" have shown that if you trust the relationship, you are more likely to feel comfortable in a long-distance relationship, while if you are unsure, you will be more exposed to the negative consequences of the relationship. posting.
- If you are used to being around your partner all the time, you may not even realize that you are insecure until the moment you separate. If you don't have a solid bond, you will feel anxious and depressed when your partner is not around you, so much so that you cannot carry out your normal daily activities.
Step 7. Trust your partner
This is one of the most important aspects for your relationship not to fail, regardless of whether you are far away or close.
If you don't trust your partner, but they haven't done anything to deserve your lack of trust, you may not be able to build a healthy relationship, so you need to work hard to address and overcome the problem. Consult a psychotherapist and try not to blame your partner on the blame they do not have
Step 8. Avoid power plays
When you feel that your partner is perhaps less emotionally involved than you, write it down in a journal or discuss it openly with him without accusing him, rather than harboring a grudge and turning it all into a power game.
Step 9. Take what other people tell you with a grain of salt
Many of them may not understand why you are willing to accept a long distance relationship, and some may tell you that it is doomed to fail. You'd better ignore them: only you know your relationship and what really matters is that you are happy.
Do not let yourself be influenced by the opinion of others, but do what you think is right. If it makes you happy to talk to him every night on Skype, do it. Don't let others ruin everything
Step 10. Maintain your autonomy
You have to live your life even if you miss your partner. This way you will have more topics to talk about with him and you will feel more fulfilled and happy.
Keeping yourself busy will help you not to constantly brood about what your partner can do when they are not with you
Part 3 of 3: Having Fun Together
Step 1. Make an effort to do fun activities together
There is no reason to continue an unhappy relationship. You can't escape separation, but that doesn't mean you can't have fun together. Watch movies, play games, indulge in the same hobbies, in short, find what binds you, despite the distance.
Step 2. Arrange a weekly evening appointment
Many people who are in a long-distance relationship dedicate an entire evening to their loved one every week. You could have a romantic video chat or make dinner together. Do whatever you like!
Step 3. Play together
There are countless online games you could play: Scrabble and Minecraft are among the most popular.
Step 4. Create together
Write and share a funny story on a Google Doc. Draw something together on FlockDraw.
Step 5. Watch movies or listen to music
There are countless apps that allow you to share a virtual room with your partner and watch videos or listen to music. Google+, Rabbit and Gaze are popular apps that allow you to watch videos together.
- TogetherTube allows you to enjoy the music and videos that appear on YouTube, Vimeo, and SoundCloud while you chat.
- Some browser extensions (such as ShowGoers for Google Chrome) can help you sync your Netflix accounts, allowing you to view its content at the same time.
Step 6. Exchange gifts
Send your partner a book you think they might like along with their favorite cookies. Maybe you could send him some fun underwear to wear next time you meet. Unleash your imagination!
Step 7. Send yourself romantic letters
Collect some texts, read some examples and then compete to see who can write the most ridiculous love letter. Here are other ideas to make your letters more exciting:
- Spray the perfume or cologne on the paper.
- Place some dried flower petals in the bag.
- Leave the imprint of your lips with lipstick on the paper or envelope.
- Use fun notepaper and sealing wax and a stamp to seal the envelope.
Step 8. Meet regularly
More frequent encounters make the separation more tolerable. Being able to spend quality time with your partner is one of the best things in a long-distance relationship.
Just think that you might be anxious to see your partner and that would make the moment you meet up special. When you see each other make sure to go out, visit new places and do many things together
Warnings
- If you are about to meet your partner for the first time, have a friend or family member accompany you to avoid unpleasant surprises.
- Resist the temptation to spend hours online every day, sacrificing your social life, work commitments, etc. The key is the quality and not the quantity of the time spent together.
